My DH beat me and I need some support
- 308 Replies
Okay, here's the full story... Please do not judge...
My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We've been through the usual ups and downs of marriage. Well, the last year he has been really distant. Doesn't talk to me, our twin boys or even consider family time anymore. When I ask if he would like to play a game or two with us, he looks at me as if I just asked him to let me fuck him in the ass with a bottle of Pepsi :/ Well, anyway... My best friend (male) knows what we have been going through an offered to talk to my DH for me. He said that men can always talk to another man.
My best friend comes back and reports that my husband is intimidated that I make more money and hopes his distance would somehow make me quit my job and allow him to be the "man of the house". I honestly thought my friend was lying, so I decided to play detective. I asked my husband what he thought about me quiting my job a week after my friend brought the news back. He seemed to light up. He told me that he was behind me 100% if I decided to quit my job and that he would LOVE to take on the responsibilities... That night, at dinner, he gave the boys the attention that they craved from him, played around and even had family time with us! I was completely disgusted! So when the boys went to sleep, I decided to talk to him. I asked why he seemed to be the man I married after the discussion about quiting my job. He said that he didn't know what I was talking about and that I should be ecstatic that I have a man willing to take on the homes responsibilities.
I told him that he needs to get over the fact that I make more money than him and deal with his responsibilities as a husband and father. And that if he was so intimidated by my status then he should work harder, go back to school or find a job he can excel at because there was no way in HELL i would be quiting my job so he could feel like a man. AND I ALSO TOLD HIM that if he feels like less of a man, it's because of the way his chauvinistic father raised him! And that I am not the one holding on to his balls, that his father is! So he told me to "shut my fat ass up before he shuts me up!" And I lost it! I told him that if he lays one hand on me that he would be in jail and a man would REALLY have a hold on his balls. He then told me that I can get my shit out of his house and live in a women's shelter because he is not about to let some "broad" disrespect him. He got in my face. Now mind you, I am 5'3, 125 soaking wet. DH is 6'3, 245 of pure muscle and he an ex football player turned police officer. But that in no way scares me! I have 8 brothers who all picked on me. So I stand on the tips of my toes and tell him that my "FAT ASS" isn't going anywhere until he talks to me and lets me know what is going on with him because this man is not who I married. He shoves me and I fall into the TV. He tells me that he isn't the man I married because I am not the woman he married. I am too busy to make him feel like a man anymore and he is fed up with it. But that is BULL SHIT! We have sex everyday. Even when he was distant, we kept up our sex life! I cook, clean, take care of the kids and nurture EVERYONE. So how am I not making him feel like a man?
So I get up and I tell him just that. I tell him how I make sure he feels like the man of the house and how I became the submissive one in our marriage because I didn't want to intimidate my own damn husband. Then I tell him that if he places his hands on me again, that I will call the EXACT police station he works for and have him put in jail. He walks towards me like he was supposed to intimidate me or something but I don't back down. I grab his plaque and wait for his next move.
This man... my husband... the father of my children punches me in the face so hard that I crumble. My knees buckled and I literally fell to the ground like a rag doll. He then kicks me in the ribs, punches me and drags me in the closet BY MY HAIR and makes me sleep in there. And I tried to fight back. I kicked and punched and screamed and threw the plaque at him but he turned into some wild man. THEN when he threw me in the closet, I tried to get out. I pushed and pulled on the door. I kicked it. I did EVERYTHING I could until I heard my boys crying. That's when I stopped. I didn't want them to see me like this.
This morning, I woke up beaten, defeated and battered. My hair was a mess, my face was covered in blood, my body was bruised and I was still in the closet. I checked to see if the door was locked and it wasn't. I raced to my boys room and saw they weren't there. I thought he stole my babies but when I called their school, they were there. So I showered, and did my best to hide the black eyes and swollen lip. I emptied my savings account, tossed my cell phone and ran. I went to pick my boys up from school early and had the taxi drop us off at the nearest bus station.
So here I am... in a hotel room 6 hours away from my home with my 3 year old sons, too petrified to leave. They don't know what's going and and don't care because mommy bought us all new clothes and toys and a new laptop. They think we're on a vacation and know not to use the phone because we're secret agent spies on a mission. Yep. I had to lie to my children because I thought their father was going to kill me.
I feel like I'm in a movie or something. I've dyed my hair an entirely different color, I'm wearing colored contacts and I don't know my next move... I'm too terrified to leave the room. I refuse to call home. I haven't even called my job. I'm so paranoid that my husband will find me that I cut my credit cards up and flushed them down the toilet. This shouldn't be happening to me! I'm a good person! I haven't done anything to anybody!
Quoting jb0520:
Hun, you did the absolute right thing for you and your family! I am SO SORRY you are going through thos! Do you have family to call? How long can you survive on the money you have?
this ^^
But you gotta call the police..don't let him make you feel that since hes a police officer he can get away with it and that noone will believe you..stay strong hun and we are ALL here and have your back..
Quoting Anonymous:a few thousand. It's enough to get me to another state but not enough to live on
Quoting jb0520:
Hun, you did the absolute right thing for you and your family! I am SO SORRY you are going through thos! Do you have family to call? How long can you survive on the money you have?
I am sooo sorry. You are an amazing woman for leaving ASAP with your babies. Praying for you. If you ever need to chat, please dont hesitate to send me a PM!
I'm sorry, but I just don't buy this. *shrugs*
If it's true, it's awful and I feel sorry for her, however, I don't buy every sob story I read on Cafemom, ESPECIALLY not in this group full of troll-tastic tales and shameless attention whores.
Quoting jb0520:
Well lets assume its real and give her support like she asked for! Not to mention she said shes in a hotel room, she has time to give us the full detailed story!
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:It's only insensitive if this is a true story.
Too many details is sometimes as dead of a giveaway as too few.
Quoting jb0520:
Thats a little fucking insensitive, dont ya think?
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:Um....yeah.....wow......ok...
excuse me? So what do you want me to do? Not give the full story of how I was BEAT! This is what I did! I need ADVICE! So I would rather leave no stone unturned! Who on earth would make up a story about being BEAT?! Who would actually LIE about that? I have nothing to gain from this! I am not asking you women to pay for anything or donate a dime! I am asking for your free advice and if you cannot give me that then please leave! This is a serious matter!
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:It's only insensitive if this is a true story.
Too many details is sometimes as dead of a giveaway as too few.
Quoting jb0520:
Thats a little fucking insensitive, dont ya think?
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:Um....yeah.....wow......ok...
I agree, or he can file for custody and try to charge you with abandonment. You need to report it ASAP. There is a good chance they will remove him from the house at tleast long enough for you to make other arrangements where to go and what to do.
Quoting Bgbd:
You need to see a doctor immediately to document your injuries. You also need to file a police report.
I'm sorry you're going through this!**hugs**
Quoting Bgbd:
You need to see a doctor immediately to document your injuries. You also need to file a police report.
what to do when the special needs kid is the bully?
Have you ever kept a secret from your spouse?