Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 5 yr old beats up my 8 yr old......

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:29 PM
  • 18 Replies
at school..,,,

So, long story short as i can....I have 3 girls. 8, 5 and 2. The 8yr old is typical, the 5 yr old has autism (PDD-NOS), ADHD, and ODD. This was my 5 yr old lilly's 1st year at the same school as my 8 yr old Caitlin. Lilly is in kindergarten and Caitlin is in 2nd grade.

The transition for Lilly was a huge one, and despite our fighting my Lilly is on a 504 (whole nother story) instead of an IEP for the 1st time.

The year started ok, perfect at school, a wreck at home (same as ussual). She holds in the stress of the day, then explodes at home.

Then she slowly started picking on her big sister Caitlin- first on the bus with name calling and agrivating. Then it started happening in school at recess, (they have recess at the same time), in the halls, and waiting for the bus to pick them up to go home. At this point I talked to the school and they said they would keep a watch out for it.

Then in Feb. things escalated and Lilly started hurting Caitlin at school like she tries to do at home, but it does not happen most of the time because we do not leave her alone with her sisters.

I talked to the school and they setup a meeting with the guidance counselor and my two girls. That was a waste of time. The GC came out of it saying Caitlin was over reacting. Lilly is very cute, and everyond thinls she is an angel. I was pissed! She was coming home with marks. I will admitt Caitlin will react very strongly when Lilly does something to her, but i do not blame her cus she knows the bigger she reacts the less Lilly with do to her.

Caitlin has been so upset over it and acting more down and depressed especially when it comes to school.I started doccumenting every incident and telling Caitlin to tell a teacher Everytime so they have it noted even if they think she is over reacting.

And Everytime she tells her teacher they say, its just sibling rivalry, just move away from her. Last week, Lilly pulled Caitlin 's hair (and pulled hair out admittedly by Lilly) and pushed her down. When Csitlin told the aid outside she said, "Caitlin you are older than her, stop letting your little sister pick on you!". She was so upset. Caitlin knows the more she fights back the worse Lilly with retaliate. She is so aggressive and has done some extreme things at home like squeezing her hands around her neck. Luckily I was there and stopped it and now due that and other issues she is NEVER alone with her sisters. (we have home therapists working with her on this)

And now for the worst of it. Caitlin has been bummed that a bunch of friend from the bus being mean to her and not wanting to sit by her or play with her. So Lilly admitted to her proudly that she had been behind Caitlin's back telling all her friends that she mean and a jerk and telling them not to play with her. Poor Caitlin was devistated, and she confirmed it was true with her friends.
I told the school and referred to it as Lilly bullying her sister. They said it is not concidered bullying with siblings.

I have a meeting for Lilly's 504 and am bringing this to the table. I know I am gonna get the it's just a sibling thing!! I have been researching laws or regs for this and looking for articles dealing with this but can not find anything.

Has anyone delt with this, heard of this kind of issue, or have ANY thoughts or ideas!!

Thank you all so much!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:49 PM
Bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
UnIdentiFiedOne
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:52 PM
I feel like I've read this already.

I really don't have any advice, but here's a bump.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy259
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Are you punishing her at home? Have you thought about seperate schools? You need to do something because it is not fair to your 8 year old to be tormented every single day. Demand they punish your younger DD just like they would punish any other kids for being a bully!

kemmerer411
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:55 PM
Id pull one of them out and put in private school.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:55 PM
Shr is in Home therapy 2 times a week, started a new intensive behavioral program.

We Talk to the girls a lot. And yes we Discipline Lilly (even though she does not care). We try many different method. And we have gone to a psyc and tried a few (not what I wanted but we are trying any and everything) but have yet have yet to find a med that is a match.

And I am getting a full behavioral Assessment FBA this summer.

I am going to suggest separate schools at the meeting.


Quoting mommy259:

Are you punishing her at home? Have you thought about seperate schools? You need to do something because it is not fair to your 8 year old to be tormented every single day. Demand they punish your younger DD just like they would punish any other kids for being a bully!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TheMrs407
by Emerald Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:57 PM

I have never delt with it, but who have to talked to at the school?  Does your five year old have a behavior plan?  If not she should be disciplined just like anyone else, if she's not I would complain about that.  Regardless if your younger one is picking on older one and has a disability, they are not keeping your child safe and are not acting in the best interest of your children.  I would tell them you want fair treatment of both.  Congrats on your younger one not needing an IEP though.  That's quite an accomplishment.

RayneofTerror
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:57 PM

wow. i am so sorry you are going through this! honestly the school has to do something about the bullying. Start with emails to the school and CC the superitendents office. write down everything that has been going on, take photos of any marks left and offer to provide them with the pictures and if necessary you will go to the superintendent. if this isn't addressed then follow through and go to the superintendent of schools. you can also talk to the Aides you have coming into your home because not only is the school failing your older daughter they are failing the younger one too. they have to provide services for her and it sounds like she should have a personal aide. why is there a 504 instead of an IEP? my oldest has an IEP and in her SPED room there are two students who have to have personal aides. 

BEXi
by BEXi on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:58 PM

Sounds like Lily is IN FACT bullying. It upsets me to know they are just chalking it up to be sibling rivalry.. Even your own siblings can make you feel like horseshit about yourself. Been there done that!! I hope it gets fixed soon. <3

momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:59 PM
I wish that was an option, but financially it is not.

Quoting kemmerer411:

Id pull one of them out and put in private school.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ShyJen
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:59 PM
Are you sure we don't have the same kids?? My 5 yr old picks on her 8 yr old sister all the time. She has even made her cry. My 5 yr old will start kindergarten this august and I'm worried how school will be for them.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)