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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 5 yr old beats up my 8 yr old......

at school..,,,

So, long story short as i can....I have 3 girls. 8, 5 and 2. The 8yr old is typical, the 5 yr old has autism (PDD-NOS), ADHD, and ODD. This was my 5 yr old lilly's 1st year at the same school as my 8 yr old Caitlin. Lilly is in kindergarten and Caitlin is in 2nd grade.

The transition for Lilly was a huge one, and despite our fighting my Lilly is on a 504 (whole nother story) instead of an IEP for the 1st time.

The year started ok, perfect at school, a wreck at home (same as ussual). She holds in the stress of the day, then explodes at home.

Then she slowly started picking on her big sister Caitlin- first on the bus with name calling and agrivating. Then it started happening in school at recess, (they have recess at the same time), in the halls, and waiting for the bus to pick them up to go home. At this point I talked to the school and they said they would keep a watch out for it.

Then in Feb. things escalated and Lilly started hurting Caitlin at school like she tries to do at home, but it does not happen most of the time because we do not leave her alone with her sisters.

I talked to the school and they setup a meeting with the guidance counselor and my two girls. That was a waste of time. The GC came out of it saying Caitlin was over reacting. Lilly is very cute, and everyond thinls she is an angel. I was pissed! She was coming home with marks. I will admitt Caitlin will react very strongly when Lilly does something to her, but i do not blame her cus she knows the bigger she reacts the less Lilly with do to her.

Caitlin has been so upset over it and acting more down and depressed especially when it comes to school.I started doccumenting every incident and telling Caitlin to tell a teacher Everytime so they have it noted even if they think she is over reacting.

And Everytime she tells her teacher they say, its just sibling rivalry, just move away from her. Last week, Lilly pulled Caitlin 's hair (and pulled hair out admittedly by Lilly) and pushed her down. When Csitlin told the aid outside she said, "Caitlin you are older than her, stop letting your little sister pick on you!". She was so upset. Caitlin knows the more she fights back the worse Lilly with retaliate. She is so aggressive and has done some extreme things at home like squeezing her hands around her neck. Luckily I was there and stopped it and now due that and other issues she is NEVER alone with her sisters. (we have home therapists working with her on this)

And now for the worst of it. Caitlin has been bummed that a bunch of friend from the bus being mean to her and not wanting to sit by her or play with her. So Lilly admitted to her proudly that she had been behind Caitlin's back telling all her friends that she mean and a jerk and telling them not to play with her. Poor Caitlin was devistated, and she confirmed it was true with her friends.
I told the school and referred to it as Lilly bullying her sister. They said it is not concidered bullying with siblings.

I have a meeting for Lilly's 504 and am bringing this to the table. I know I am gonna get the it's just a sibling thing!! I have been researching laws or regs for this and looking for articles dealing with this but can not find anything.

Has anyone delt with this, heard of this kind of issue, or have ANY thoughts or ideas!!

Thank you all so much!
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by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Replies (11-18):
momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:05 PM
2 moms liked this
Exactly! I protect Caitlin and discipline Lilly appropriate at home. And I feel the school should too!

Quoting BEXi:

Sounds like Lily is IN FACT bullying. It upsets me to know they are just chalking it up to be sibling rivalry.. Even your own siblings can make you feel like horseshit about yourself. Been there done that!! I hope it gets fixed soon. <3

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Your younger daughter needs more help from a professional, and the school staff need to get a clue bout how to deal with problems like that. Your older daughter is suffering, and it seems like the GC @ school is playing favorites because younger is autistic. That is no excuse for different treatment at all. It is better to be integrated. I would keep a firm foot down on the situation, and punish the older and younger the same. Maybe younger needs to go to a special program and different school until her behavior problems are dealt with? Contact your local children's hospital for a referral to a good therapy program for your younger daughter, and maybe the older, too since she has to deal with it all. She should not be suffering through this.  I would PUT MY FOOT DOWN with the school with some backup from the doctors about the bullying/sibling rivalry issue.

momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:07 PM
I wish I had good advice for you. I do not know how to make it work for them.

I hope things go smooth for your kids.


Quoting ShyJen:

Are you sure we don't have the same kids?? My 5 yr old picks on her 8 yr old sister all the time. She has even made her cry. My 5 yr old will start kindergarten this august and I'm worried how school will be for them.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:11 PM
What does the therapist.say? How do you punish lilly when this happens? I agree with a previous poster, if all else fails then try to switch lilly's school. Or demand they put the girls on opposite schedules, even if that means switchinf classes. What.an awful situation to be in though :( hugs to you and good luck
momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:14 PM
Thanks! That is a good advice. I am getting my youngest a full FBA functional behavioral Assesment done this summer. ( can't get her in till then).

I am pushing to get my Lilly to a different school with more behavioral programs. My oldest sees a therapist to deal with this stuff. Lilly has a home therapist and psycologist. They are both very helpful and are coming to the meeting.


Quoting Anonymous:

Your younger daughter needs more help from a professional, and the school staff need to get a clue bout how to deal with problems like that. Your older daughter is suffering, and it seems like the GC @ school is playing favorites because younger is autistic. That is no excuse for different treatment at all. It is better to be integrated. I would keep a firm foot down on the situation, and punish the older and younger the same. Maybe younger needs to go to a special program and different school until her behavior problems are dealt with? Contact your local children's hospital for a referral to a good therapy program for your younger daughter, and maybe the older, too since she has to deal with it all. She should not be suffering through this.  I would PUT MY FOOT DOWN with the school with some backup from the doctors about the bullying/sibling rivalry issue.

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Kenre
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Red was very violent to his siblings. Then I started the Kazdin Method with him. He goes to a special school for Autistic and Behavior disorder children, though. He is my ex's first son. I had a heck of a time with him at first. I dont know how he is doing now, but the Kazdin Method worked for him in our house even when his birth mom complained she couldnt control him. I am starting to use it on my almost 3 year old who is my bully here. So far that Method and the Love and Logic parenting work great together in this house with my special needs kids. You need to find something quick to help your Lilly realize she cant hurt people. That her sisters are going to be the only stable thing in her life (besides the parents). Good luck.
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momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:48 PM
Thank you! I will look into that method.

Quoting Kenre:

Red was very violent to his siblings. Then I started the Kazdin Method with him. He goes to a special school for Autistic and Behavior disorder children, though. He is my ex's first son. I had a heck of a time with him at first. I dont know how he is doing now, but the Kazdin Method worked for him in our house even when his birth mom complained she couldnt control him. I am starting to use it on my almost 3 year old who is my bully here. So far that Method and the Love and Logic parenting work great together in this house with my special needs kids. You need to find something quick to help your Lilly realize she cant hurt people. That her sisters are going to be the only stable thing in her life (besides the parents). Good luck.
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momof2little1s
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:15 AM
Thank you! Those are good suggestions and what I plan on pushing for!

Quoting Anonymous:

What does the therapist.say? How do you punish lilly when this happens? I agree with a previous poster, if all else fails then try to switch lilly's school. Or demand they put the girls on opposite schedules, even if that means switchinf classes. What.an awful situation to be in though :( hugs to you and good luck
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