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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Could really use some advice/words of wisdom/what have you!

My 3 1/2 year old son has developed quite the temper. When he gets that way there is no calming him down - he gets physical... hitting, scratching, kicking, and pulling my hair. I try to remain calm and not snap even though i'm at my wits end. 

I have taken away TV and any toy that he throws at me, because he does that as well. 

I have tried ignoring him when he gets in these fits (someone told me to try that). All he does is yell louder "Mom.. Mom TALK TO ME.. Hello?! I HATE YOU! I HATE THIS PLACE!" 


Then, he gets all sweet just like that. And then right back to getting angry if he doesn't get his way. 

Is this normal? What should I be doing differently? Is there anything to do about this or is this a phase that I must endure? 

:( 

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Replies (21-30):
Sylv.the.Wine-O
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I plan to. I really do because i'm worried that this behavior is not normal and I don't want to ignore it any longer and get him help if he needs it.

I cannot help him and I feel like I have failed him.

Quoting liz.1986:

That sounds worrisome to me. I would have him evaluated by his pedi.


redneckmama4
by Loree on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:30 AM
2 moms liked this

Good god...really?

Let's put a label on him because he doesn't act the way he *should*???

That is terrible!!!

Quoting liz.1986:

That sounds worrisome to me. I would have him evaluated by his pedi.


USCmomax4
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:32 AM
I'm sorry *hugs*.. younger children will often pick up "bad" behaviour from other children.... kinda like monkey see monkey do...

Quoting Sylv.the.Wine-O:

Thank you. 

I think he is picking it up from an older cousin, perhaps. 

I try to do the "take a deep breath" with him. To get him to calm down and to keep me calm. Because it is really hard to remain calm when you have a child basically attacking you :( 

I had chest pains all yesterday evening after an episode like this.

Quoting USCmomax4:

Is he picking up this behaviour from another child? To me it sounds like he need some discipline, Positive reinforcement and taking away things he likes and time outs often work, but you have to be consistent with the discipline. Also try redirecting his attention into other possitve activities. It is always a good idea to seek medical help if all else fails.. best wishes! :


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Sylv.the.Wine-O
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:32 AM

I think it would be good to talk to his pedi, at least. 

I hear different things.. its normal, its worriesome... he needs counseling.

I don't know if he would need counseling but I would hate to think that if he did I didn't get him help :( 

micahssupermom
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Wow beeen through that before message me and I will give you some tips. Btw I worked as a behavior therepst for kids in foster care. Good luck!
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Mehganh
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:33 AM
I think it's just a phase. I have a 3 year old. But she is a girl. She doesn't throw stuff or hit me, but she will slam door repeatedly open and slam! Open and slam! She will also kick the floor or walls and yell "speak to me mommy!" I just simply tell her "I won't talk to you when you whine". Then she throws her fit and then she eventually stops. I don't say anything to her. I just pretend like she is quietly playin in her room or something. I think it is about attention. Even if it's negative attention. So I don't give it to her. It does work. But it does take time for her to stop. Sometimes, a long time for her to stop. But she will. And if she were hittin me I would grab her arms and tell her firmly "you do not hit" let go an then to time out she would go. (we went through a hitting phase when she was younger) I would really recommend just completely ignoring him. Don't look at him, don't talk to him. Don't tell him to stop. Nothing. He will eventually get tired of screaming with you not reacting and just calm down. Hope you figure it out. But it IS normal. So don't worry. You're not Alone.
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Sylv.the.Wine-O
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks. Will PM you and see what tips you have.

Quoting micahssupermom:

Wow beeen through that before message me and I will give you some tips. Btw I worked as a behavior therepst for kids in foster care. Good luck!


NDADanceMom
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:34 AM

I wouldnt allow tv or video games to a 3 year old that is this wound up.  Time for some nice board games and books.  I would also start withholding things from his diet to check if he is having a reaction.  Start with red dye.  That is the largest cause of behavioral problems from food sensitivity with boys. 

Sylv.the.Wine-O
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:35 AM

Good idea to look into his diet. Never thought about that, thanks for replying!

Quoting NDADanceMom:

I wouldnt allow tv or video games to a 3 year old that is this wound up.  Time for some nice board games and books.  I would also start withholding things from his diet to check if he is having a reaction.  Start with red dye.  That is the largest cause of behavioral problems from food sensitivity with boys. 


SDarvasi
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:36 AM

He's trying to push all boundaries possible. At some point or another, you give in, which is why he knows that the more he pushes you and says mean things, the more he's going to get you to give in.

I know it's hard, but keep doing what you're doing. Be stern with him. Don't let him get the best of you. Don't take him anywhere if he refuses to behave, or take him home right away if he does start to misbehave in public. Remain busy when he's in trouble..do the dishes, play loud music...whatever you need to do to get the point acorss to him that you're not going to listen to him talking to you like that. Make sure you let him KNOW that his behavious is completely unnacceptable and you will NOT put up with it.


My daughter was the same, minus the "I hate you and you're a loser mom" part. Although, she has said many times that she's a "horrible kid" when she gets in trouble or was in time out...they'll say anything to get your attention, really. I've been amazed at some of the things I've heard kids say when they are in time out.


BTW...where's your SO in all of this? Or are you alone?

If you do have a SO, does he help? I found that when my SO came into the picture, my already then 3 yr old daughter was horrible misbehaved and always had tantrums. Having that extra pair of hands, and voice behind me helped a lot. She didn't like it when a man stepped in to tell her to stop...but she totally respected him after a while, and took him seriously because he doesn't bend. She is now 7, and although she isnt prefect, and still had her little disagreements or whatever with us every now and then...she says sorry when she does something wrong, and is easier to talk to and respects us when we put our feet down.

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