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I think I am failing as a mother

Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies
I am divorced and raising 4 kids all by myself. They never see their dad. Its just me. I run an in home daycare so that I am able to stay home but still make money. I admit that I am very busy with all the kids here (I watch 3 kids plus my youngest who is 2 then my older kids after school) and don't have a lot of quiet time for homework, etc. Homework ends up being done later after dinner and I spend so much time with my one child who is struggling that I forget to check my other kids work, etc.

Well progress reports came home Friday and my one son's was bad. Getting F's and D's and it says his homework isn't being completed and its being turned in late. My oldest has straight A's (thank god) but I feel I am failing my younger two. How can I spend equal amount of time with the younger two who are struggling? I'm here alone. Its hard. It would be so much easier if I had a husband hers to help.

I just needed to vent. I feel like I am failing. Ugh.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:16 AM
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:19 AM
3 moms liked this
Your not failing mama, you can only do so much! Maybe set up some time in the AM? I don't know... Maybe there are some older kids in the neighborhood who might like to tutor?
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:20 AM
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Not failing, not even close. At least you care and are making the effort, that's more than half the moms out there can say. I think you need to schedule and designate homework times. If after supper works best then go with that. Set a timer on the microwave, half an hour or whatever it takes. Sit down with each of them, one on one, for their scheduled time. Or have homework time at the dinner table once the dishes are cleared. Have them all work on it at the same time and ask questions of you as they have them. Sit with them and check their work and give help when needed. All you need is a bit more structure. You are not failing, you are doing a great job. Keep at it!
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by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:21 AM

are the 3 daycare kids old enough to play in the same room by them selves ?  Meaning you and them but not right beside you ? can you set up crayons , paper, coloring books, story books and puzzles for them to do while you help your two children? Do you have a neighbor girl in Middle school that could help you maybe for 1 hour after school? Pay her $5 for 1 hour of help. She could help your younger 2 ?

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:24 AM

You can try setting up a "to-do" list. Make a permanent list of things you want to go over with your kids before bed. Like homework, how their day was, bedtime story... just anything you feel needs to be covered before the day is over.

I hope this helps. I'm sure it's difficult and I hope things start looking brighter for you. Don't beat yourself up so much. There's only so much you can do.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:25 AM
5 moms liked this

You are doing all your can. Sometimes our kids have to step up and take responsibility. If they are struggling then they need to tell you what are they need help and focus on. As parents I think we tend to take it all on ourselves but really our children need to step up and take responsiblity too.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:27 AM
I agree I need more structure. I will try the timer and see if that helps. Usually my dd (the one I spend all my time with) needs it to be quiet so she can focus so I have the boys go in their room to do their homework.

The daycare kids are young. One is a newborn who obviously takes up most my time but she leaves before dinner. The other two are siblings and can play in the toy area but the one is soooooo needy its exhausting.

We have three weeks of school left. I am going to really start getting them in a more strict schedule before the year is up.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:36 AM

You're not failing as a mom.  I know how hard to be a single mom - I have been there and done that although I have only one.  Maybe get homework done in the morning?

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:56 AM

I have 3 kids.  We do homework together at the table.   I help each of them as needed and check all work when done.  Sometimes we are up until 10 doing homework but it needs done.

by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:59 AM
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Your not failing.  You caught it and want to do something about it.  Even though you only have 3 weeks left what i would do and have done before for DD is get an assignment book.  Physically go to the teacher's and tell them you and you kids are going to fix this but need their help.  Tell them the kids are going to write down the assingments each day (their responsibilty), ask the teacher's to take 2 minutes at the end of each day to check the book, that the kid brings to them, to make sure all assignments are written down (teacher's responsibility).  You will check the finished work each night against what is written in the book to see that all assignments arre completed (your responsibilty).  Shoulld take you about 5 minutes per kid.  If their struggling with an assignment maybe longer so you can help them with it.  But then everyone knows what is expected and that everything is getting done.

by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:59 AM

 bump for answers for you mama

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