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I think I am failing as a mother

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I am divorced and raising 4 kids all by myself. They never see their dad. Its just me. I run an in home daycare so that I am able to stay home but still make money. I admit that I am very busy with all the kids here (I watch 3 kids plus my youngest who is 2 then my older kids after school) and don't have a lot of quiet time for homework, etc. Homework ends up being done later after dinner and I spend so much time with my one child who is struggling that I forget to check my other kids work, etc.

Well progress reports came home Friday and my one son's was bad. Getting F's and D's and it says his homework isn't being completed and its being turned in late. My oldest has straight A's (thank god) but I feel I am failing my younger two. How can I spend equal amount of time with the younger two who are struggling? I'm here alone. Its hard. It would be so much easier if I had a husband hers to help.

I just needed to vent. I feel like I am failing. Ugh.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:16 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Bless your heart, you're not failing. You're just trying to survive. I can't imagine how tired you must be. Could you try to sit the younger two down @ the table when they get home from school or after a snack? I find that my kids do much better with homework when they aren't tired. Could your older child help them or help with the daycare kids while you help them?

You hang in there! It's going to be alright. I hope you get a big break sometime soon.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:17 AM

Well if the oldest is getting straight A's- why would you put that child'sknowledge to work in helping the struggling one learn with your supervision( you could be cooking while they are at the table working on the homework) My straight A student loves helping her friends and cousin's with their work.  

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:18 AM

Also your not failing- you going through a rough patch! Hang in there!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:20 AM

You are doing the best you can , don't be so hard on yourself. Does the school offer after school help ?

Try to evenly distribute the time as much as possible, have everyone sit at the table and do their homework as a group?

by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:21 AM
Spend a day/afternoon with each kid to help with hw and do something fun hire a sitter(or have family watch the other three) while you take time out with the one child.
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:23 AM

Quoting tifbrown:

Not failing, not even close. At least you care and are making the effort, that's more than half the moms out there can say. I think you need to schedule and designate homework times. If after supper works best then go with that. Set a timer on the microwave, half an hour or whatever it takes. Sit down with each of them, one on one, for their scheduled time. Or have homework time at the dinner table once the dishes are cleared. Have them all work on it at the same time and ask questions of you as they have them. Sit with them and check their work and give help when needed. All you need is a bit more structure. You are not failing, you are doing a great job. Keep at it!
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:34 AM

You sound like a great mom.  Maybe some reorganization of homework time is needed.  Contact the school and ask about tutoring options.  Contact teachers and ask for help, suggestions, etc.  It sounds like you are taking your son's grades personally and I have totally been there with my daughter.  I feel like her bad grades are a reflection on me because I haven't helped her enough.  I realize that this isn't true and I had to get over it in order to help her figure out what was going wrong and how to fix it.  Most school districts have resources to help out struggling students so make sure you check with yours.


by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:36 AM

if you cant break it up on a certain night to give each child individual time, do one child this night and the other child gets help the next night-

just because one has more trouble doesn't mean they get "all" your time- you have to distinguish between what needs to be done first also and if the older one who is getting straight As could help w/ one of them, pay him to "tutor" one of them, while you do the other-

or better yet, do it while you are sitting at the table for dinner- so you all can do it at once

or after dinner, continue to set at the table as a family... don't "oh woe is me, I parent 4 kids alone" you CAN do it! I have 4- and work 40 hrs a week, my DH works 2-3 jobs daily for us to survive, schoolwork is on me, along w/ all household chores and all other kid duties- you have to stay strong so they see you want this for them! if all else fails, talk to the school about getting help for the ones who are failing.

Put schooling first, dont allow them to do anything else til you SEE it is done.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:38 AM

Please don't say your failing your children. I'm sure they are bathed, fed, clothed and very healthy. That's what counts and your there doing that for them. Yes they need some extra one on one  attention but no kid has ever passed because they didn't get it. Maybe your older child can help the lil one with the home work till you can. Maybe you can pay $10 a week or what ever you can afford. I know your tired by the time dinner is done and the kids are gone but take the time after dinner and sit down to do home work an see how every one's day was. Make the dishes wait. Maybe buy paper plates to save dishes an time. Can the teacher take a lil extra time during free time at school or recesses time and help tutor the young one. I like another mom had to get a home work note book and check it daily with a signature. Good luck. Your doing a great job mom.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:01 PM
I think I will have my oldest help the younger ones. He wants to make an allowance every week so this would b a good way.

My dd who is struggling does get tutored at school. She is improving tremendously (sp?)which is great. I am just down this morning. We'll get it! Thanks:)
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