My husband is a little weird about death, and I can't relate to him. He is very closed off about it, maybe in denial. He doesn't seem to handle it in what I feel is a healthy way. Im calling upon the cafe moms to help ease him into his grandmothers transition while handling his feeling deilcately.
Why do I think my husband is weird about death? I've been able to talk to him very little about it, most of what I gathered came from my MIL. When my husband was a teenager his Aunt and a couple of his first cousins were shot & killed by their father. The father took off to Mexico & was on the America's Ten Most Wanted List for a long time. He is still free and hasn't been found. My husband has always been uber sensitive, this could have traumatized anyone, given my husbands personality he was even more so.
I have had very little experience with death, 3 of my grandpa's have died. The one I was closest to my husband was there with me. He was really cold about it. I was crying and he wasn't even offering a hug or telling me it would be ok.
I myself am very awkward about consoling people when their loved ones die. I just don't know what to say, I always fear they wont think im sincere. So his coldness didn't make me angry, it just adds to his weirdness about death.
Now it's his grandmother. She is really old and is going to die of being old soon. They used to be close when she was in better health, he would hang out there often and help her around the yard and house. As she got older and her health poorer he visited her less. The past couple months have been rough with her in and out of the hospital and we did go visit her once.
I went into work today and my husband said, "Everyone is going to go see gramma today, I guess she isn't doing well at all. They don't think she has much time left, today might be her last day.", I said, "Oh no im so sorry babe, should we go visit her today?", he said "I dont think so....last time we saw he she was in a lot better shape, and...I dont think so...."....
I was kinda stunned. I feel bad for his grandma, she is going to want to see him. My worst nightmare is laying out on my death bed unable to say goodbye to family members. I didn't know what to say to him and just told him, "Ok....I think you should say goodbye to her." and gave him a hug.
What can I do?
It really doesn't sit right with me that he wants to abandon his grandma and not say goodbye....