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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Touchy subject, opinions please *update - last update

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So I have shared with you ladies before that 11 years ago my husband and I had a daughter that passed away. She was 7 months old and we decided to donate her organs. We had it put in our file that we did not want contact from any of the other families ever. The only thing I know is that she saved three other babies. I just wanted into be over and I didn't want reminders of what I couldn't have.

If you were in this position and you found out that one of the other families had written a letter would you want to see it or not?


*Thank you all for your very kind words, even the one who thinks I'm selfish. I think I will read the letter. This may be hard to understand, but I'm scared of being jealous or resentful of what they have. Does that make me a terrible person? I hope not. Again, thank you- you all really do know how to put the judgement aside and be here for each other when we need to be.



Last update: I just wanted to let you all know that you have truly helped me come to term with the feelings I have been having. I have decided I am not ready to read the letter. But I am going to accept it and put it away until the time comes that I am ready. Thank you all for taking the time to share your well wishes and condolences with me. Also I would like to say that after all these years I would not change my decision about organ donation.
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Replies (251-260):
kapzilla
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2012 at 10:51 AM

I'm late to this, but just my thoughts.  I would personally want to read the letter, because I kind of see it as my child's legacy.

Even if you don't read it, they still poured their heart onto the paper.  Like you said earlier, they wouldn't know if you read it or not.  They probably assume that you have, and that is all that mattered to them.  They put their gratefulness on paper and into a visible form.  Maybe that is all they wanted to do?  Just to express their deep gratitude for the gift you and your daughter have given them.  I'm sure you know their gratitude without reading their letter.

It is an amazing gift that you've given them--the life of their child.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  Reading the letter is ultimately up to you, but since you are leaning towards reading it, I hope their words lift your spirit.

sondamom0828
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2012 at 10:52 AM

I am sorry for your loss.  The ones who say you are selfish never lost a baby.  I lost 2 and unfortunately, we weren't able to donate their organs.  If you feel you will get closure from reading the letter, then by all means do it.  If you feel yourself getting worked up or jealous or other negative feelings, then maybe you aren't ready.  You have to follow your own instinct.  How does your hubby feel about reading the letter?

mnmo3bb
by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:53 AM

Wow, people will bash about ANYTHING!

*HUGS* I can't imagine what you are going through! I can't even begin to imagine what I would do... it was so completely UNSELFISH of you to gift those three families like that! I *think* reading the letter will be really hard but it might be good as well. Prayers for your family, I do hope you have found closure!

MandiK
by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:59 AM

I would want to see the letter, I think it would help me heal to know my baby helped someone elses. But I completely understand your feelings too.

kristyann
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:20 AM
He wants to read it, but says he will wait until I am ready

Quoting sondamom0828:

I am sorry for your loss.  The ones who say you are selfish never lost a baby.  I lost 2 and unfortunately, we weren't able to donate their organs.  If you feel you will get closure from reading the letter, then by all means do it.  If you feel yourself getting worked up or jealous or other negative feelings, then maybe you aren't ready.  You have to follow your own instinct.  How does your hubby feel about reading the letter?

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Love060708kids
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:25 AM

First of all i'm so sorry for your loss :(  That would be a very hard decision.  I can't give you any advice since i've never been there but - do what is right for you <3

Big hugs!

wonderouslife84
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2012 at 11:27 AM

i dont think its selfish at all.. you went through something very horrible by loosing a child.. but you did a great service by helping others... it is up to you if you want to read the letter....it might help bring some closure if you havent had it yet.. being 11 years ago.. good luck hun and stay strong

jkleinman
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2012 at 11:31 AM
After such a selfless and heart felt gift you gave to other families the letter is probably a wonderful, loving thank you letter. I can't say what I would do or how I would feel. All I can say is follow your heart and do what you feel is best. Hugs to you mama.
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shell3m
by Shell on May. 1, 2012 at 11:34 AM

That was a really nice thing you did hun.  ((hugs))  and I'm so sorry for your loss.  As for the letter, I'm a woman who loves to know everything, so yes I would read it.  If you start feeling stressed out you can always message me at anytime ok?  ((Hugs))


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 1, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Do you know what organs were used? I saw a story of a boy who donated his organs and one of them was his heart, his family was sad but kinda in awe that his heart still was beating and very much alive. I hope this comment wasnt rude Im sorry for your lost

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