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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Touchy subject, opinions please *update - last update

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So I have shared with you ladies before that 11 years ago my husband and I had a daughter that passed away. She was 7 months old and we decided to donate her organs. We had it put in our file that we did not want contact from any of the other families ever. The only thing I know is that she saved three other babies. I just wanted into be over and I didn't want reminders of what I couldn't have.

If you were in this position and you found out that one of the other families had written a letter would you want to see it or not?


*Thank you all for your very kind words, even the one who thinks I'm selfish. I think I will read the letter. This may be hard to understand, but I'm scared of being jealous or resentful of what they have. Does that make me a terrible person? I hope not. Again, thank you- you all really do know how to put the judgement aside and be here for each other when we need to be.



Last update: I just wanted to let you all know that you have truly helped me come to term with the feelings I have been having. I have decided I am not ready to read the letter. But I am going to accept it and put it away until the time comes that I am ready. Thank you all for taking the time to share your well wishes and condolences with me. Also I would like to say that after all these years I would not change my decision about organ donation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Replies (261-270):
kristyann
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:36 AM
I do.. Heart, intestines, and kidney

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you know what organs were used? I saw a story of a boy who donated his organs and one of them was his heart, his family was sad but kinda in awe that his heart still was beating and very much alive. I hope this comment wasnt rude Im sorry for your lost

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
manda.
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2012 at 11:48 AM

I think I would want to see the letters but I can completely see how a person can become resentful. 

ARmomOf3
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:52 AM

i would want to know that my child lived on through someone else. your child did something that not many people get to do - save lives. baby lives at that. its hard i know. my best friend lost her 8 month old who was like a niece to me.

whimsyhaven
by Member on May. 1, 2012 at 11:58 AM

i lost my baby at 36 weeks a month ago... i think i would want to see the letter because my biggest pain right now is that she wasn't 'alive' to anyone else but those in my household......to know someone else appreciated her existence would be priceless to me.

ktinaza
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:06 PM

 I just want to say I am so so sorry for your loss, I cant even imagine. I have a 5 month old and am terrified of SIDS. I cant imagine your pain no matter how long its been.

SMG1120
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:07 PM

I would want to read it. I would want to know that my tragedy and child saved some one else and gave them a chance at the life my child couldnt have. That it wasnt all in vain. That my pain and suffering, my childs death happened for a reason and that her death meant some thing more than pain.

Your child is a hero in some one elses eyes. You and your husband are strong, courageous, generous people to go through what you did and to make the decision you did. Your family helped save 3 other children and gave them a chance to have a life even though your child didnt get that chance. I think you should read the letter. I think it will help heal and bring you some peace knowing how thankful and how huge you are in the life of this family. How much of a difference you made and knowing that your daughters death made a difference and a huge impact on these families. They will never forget that your loss saved their children.

ktinaza
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:09 PM

hugs I'm so sorry. How horrible. Can't imagine. Stay strong. 

Quoting whimsyhaven:

i lost my baby at 36 weeks a month ago... i think i would want to see the letter because my biggest pain right now is that she wasn't 'alive' to anyone else but those in my household......to know someone else appreciated her existence would be priceless to me.

 

CafeMom Tickers
notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2012 at 12:10 PM

It does not make you a bad person for being resentful that they have their children and you do not.

I lost my daughter and she wasn't due for another 3 months and I have tons of pregnant friends or friends who just had babies and as much as I love them and I am happy for them it still hurts me to know that my daughter is gone and I can't get her back and I really don't want anything to do with them and their happiness surrounding their babies and pregnancies 90% of the time.

It's hard, but I believe that you will be grateful to have a letter from parents who have their child only because of your decision to donate. Had you not chose to donate your daughters organs, they would be in the same position as you, greiving the loss of their own child. What you did was incredibely hard to do. You can take the time to process the letter and know that you were able to give three families the gift of being able to keep their children alive.

notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2012 at 12:13 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter Lily on the 24th of February at just 17 weeks gestation and it was/is a terrible thing to come to terms with.

I know what you mean about their life existence. It's hard for outsiders to know the impact of what has happened. I was lucky to have the support I needed. If you need to talk feel free to PM me.

I am so sorry you're going through this. What did you name her?

Quoting whimsyhaven:

i lost my baby at 36 weeks a month ago... i think i would want to see the letter because my biggest pain right now is that she wasn't 'alive' to anyone else but those in my household......to know someone else appreciated her existence would be priceless to me.


wrensong
by Pagan Mother on May. 1, 2012 at 12:13 PM

 It's ok if you are jealous of what they have. It doesn't mean you wish their child was dead, it just means you miss your child and wish she was still with you.

No parent should have to lose a child. I think that what you did by using your daughter's passing to save other kids was truly courageous. It may do you some good to see how much good she did in her short time here.

HUGS 

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