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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Touchy subject, opinions please *update - last update

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So I have shared with you ladies before that 11 years ago my husband and I had a daughter that passed away. She was 7 months old and we decided to donate her organs. We had it put in our file that we did not want contact from any of the other families ever. The only thing I know is that she saved three other babies. I just wanted into be over and I didn't want reminders of what I couldn't have.

If you were in this position and you found out that one of the other families had written a letter would you want to see it or not?


*Thank you all for your very kind words, even the one who thinks I'm selfish. I think I will read the letter. This may be hard to understand, but I'm scared of being jealous or resentful of what they have. Does that make me a terrible person? I hope not. Again, thank you- you all really do know how to put the judgement aside and be here for each other when we need to be.



Last update: I just wanted to let you all know that you have truly helped me come to term with the feelings I have been having. I have decided I am not ready to read the letter. But I am going to accept it and put it away until the time comes that I am ready. Thank you all for taking the time to share your well wishes and condolences with me. Also I would like to say that after all these years I would not change my decision about organ donation.
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Replies (41-50):
dsk886
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:28 AM

 Ok..My daughter has 3rd degree heart block. her heart beats at 60 beats insited of 140-160 beats. The plan for my daughter is to get a pace maker. If that doesn't work it will be a heart transplant. If that doesn't work then..death. Being in the situation of a mother whose baby gets a heart or organ i would be so grateful. I would want you to read the letter. I would probley poor my heart out to you. As a mother who would have to go thourgh the same thing. If I could understand why you wouldn't but its been 11 years. Even though it is thoug i would want to know what was said. What her situation is.

I have heard of when organs past they a peice of yourself too.

 

pookah1203
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Yes. By not reading it, I would see myself as still not letting go. And as much as I dislike it, everyone has to let go of their losses, or we can never truely move on.
Of course that is my view. No one can tell you if you should or shouldn't do it. Only you can answer that. Good luck mama.
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clusterkid
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Our son passed away 19 months ago, we were not able to donate anything but I have thought about the what ifs and to me it feels like really what happens is not that it fully heals but a scar builds up and any random thing can tear that scar off and take you back to step 1 in the grieving process and to me this seems like one of those things.

Good luck in your decision.

Quoting kristyann:

This is my fear. It took so very long for us to heal. I dont even know how we got through it. I am scared that it will take me right back there.

Quoting clusterkid:

I would not want to see it. I would already know 3 babies were helped and I just wouldn't want to deal with the feelings and emotions I know would come rushing back at me.



kristyann
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Believe me I understand that the other families are grateful. But it took me years to be able to just get throw a day without wanting to crawl into a hole and die. I am afraid of going back there. They won't know wether I read the letter or not.

Quoting dsk886:

 Ok..My daughter has 3rd degree heart block. her heart beats at 60 beats insited of 140-160 beats. The plan for my daughter is to get a pace maker. If that doesn't work it will be a heart transplant. If that doesn't work then..death. Being in the situation of a mother whose baby gets a heart or organ i would be so grateful. I would want you to read the letter. I would probley poor my heart out to you. As a mother who would have to go thourgh the same thing. If I could understand why you wouldn't but its been 11 years. Even though it is thoug i would want to know what was said. What her situation is.


I have heard of when organs past they a peice of yourself too.


 

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louzannalady
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Yes. We donated my mom's corneas (I know, it is completely different than losing a child). We got a letter and it really helped to know my mom was living on through someone else. But, remember. That letter (probably) always be there. If you are not ready for it, now.... Maybe, one day. At least it's there and you can read it when you are ready. It sounds like you may not be, which is understandable. *hug*

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kristyann
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Oh, I also meant to say- I hope your daughter gets better

Quoting dsk886:

 Ok..My daughter has 3rd degree heart block. her heart beats at 60 beats insited of 140-160 beats. The plan for my daughter is to get a pace maker. If that doesn't work it will be a heart transplant. If that doesn't work then..death. Being in the situation of a mother whose baby gets a heart or organ i would be so grateful. I would want you to read the letter. I would probley poor my heart out to you. As a mother who would have to go thourgh the same thing. If I could understand why you wouldn't but its been 11 years. Even though it is thoug i would want to know what was said. What her situation is.


I have heard of when organs past they a peice of yourself too.


 

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Jennifer_57
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:33 AM
My brother recently died at 25 years old...We donated his organs...I would LOVE to be able to meet and see where they went and learn about who they went to. I would love to share with them who my brother was, and how much he always wanted to help people, especially children, and how he would be happy to have saved a life.
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Sunshine2plus2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:33 AM

 Yes I would want to see it and also meet the baby that my child helped save!

divinedimension
by Not Miss Cleo on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Yes I would want to see the letter!
piercedbeauty21
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:34 AM

I would want to see the letter.

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