I am 40 weeks pregnant, with 6-8 mins between contractions. My DH is deployed and will not return until this baby is over 3 months old. I am currently just waiting for labor to begin.
Now, here is my situation....
My dad told my mom he wanted a divorce in 2010, he moved out and into another house. I get a call from her saying (she is sobbing) "your dad has his laundry with that bitch's dingy bras! " she wasnt in the mood to talk obviously and hung up...
so, i called my dad and said "dad, ur not going back to mom's are u? (he was still in the process of moving his stuff out...) because she found your laundry with some woman's. SERIOUSLY!!??? i would keep my distance if i were u!"
so long story short, he went to moms and she pulled out a gun and had it in his face so he got crazy and took it away from her and held her up against the wall. she had bruise marks around her neck, so he definitely choked her up against the wall. (not surprising really but it is what it is..)
ANYWAYS----- my parents both got taken to jail. truth be told: Mom had actually broken into dads new house and THAT is where she found the laundry together.... (NO I DID NOT KNOW THAT!) and dad obviously got in trouble for domestic violence. they finalized their divorce less than 6 months later(2011)...... now, my mom at 52 yrs old gets alimony but its "not enough" for her lifestyle. so she "has" to go back to school to get a good job....
well she legitimately will not let it go that somehow "i am to blame for the divorce and her awful life." she has told me on 8 occasions since january of this year that I am the reason she got "choked out" by dad. she calls me a liar and says i am a horrible person and mother. being around her is like walking on egg shells. I stopped speaking to her because it is getting too much to handle, everytime she doesnt like something or something doesnt go her way-she results to insulting me and hurting my feelings very much. She says mean things about my husband and my parenting ways (thinks natural parenting methods results in wild unruley kids who end up in juvenile, thinks cloth diapering is "idiotic", etc) I just feel like yea, her life sucks, but ppls lives suck and they arent mean to others. she makes me feel horrible about myself........
i stopped speaking to her 2 .5 months ago. since then, i have explained myself and how bad it hurts to be treated like she does and she never called me back or anything!
and now since i am so close to having my son, (im guessing is why) she just texted me and says she loves me and wants to have lunch........ i just dont know what to say or do. it hurts not having a mom but it hurts WAAAAYYYYYY worse being talked to like she does to me.
(i feel like im under so much stress that is not good for my baby, and i dont know how to eliminate it.)
i think if you do go to lunch you should definitely have a serious talk and put alot of attention on the way she makes you feel. You could tell her you will give her another chance because she is your mother, but you cant handle the stress right now so if shes going to be bringing more, you dont want any part of it. Im sure you have already told her some of this and I wish I could give you better advice, but im not even sure what i would do in the same situation. Good luck though :)
Believe me i havent spoken to my own mother in almost 14yrs and she's still miserable bitching about things that happened 20yrs ago.
thank you for your encouragment. I do not want to always have these feelings towards her. but most of all, i dont want her to always feel the way she says she does about me. even if they are untrue. I wish i could say the right thing to her to get her to leave me alone till after my baby is born, so i can focus entirely on him and delivery and THEN deal with our relationship. Im not even opposed to her meeting/seeing my son in recovery, i just cant handle the emotional strain right now.
Quoting Anonymous:i think if you do go to lunch you should definitely have a serious talk and put alot of attention on the way she makes you feel. You could tell her you will give her another chance because she is your mother, but you cant handle the stress right now so if shes going to be bringing more, you dont want any part of it. Im sure you have already told her some of this and I wish I could give you better advice, but im not even sure what i would do in the same situation. Good luck though :)
do you have any regrets of not working thru the issues? (even if she is "incureable")
i feel like my mom is the type you have to suck it up and DEAL with, cuz she cannot ever see your side she feels she is ALWAYS the victim.
Quoting ElleBee75:
Leave your mother alone and have a happy healthy baby. The misery that is your mother will still be there after you come home. If you choose to deal with her then great, of not that's fine too. You'll have better things to do focusing on your family and new baby.
Believe me i havent spoken to my own mother in almost 14yrs and she's still miserable bitching about things that happened 20yrs ago.
I suggest family counselling for you and your mom or sitting down with a mediator who can calm the situation if it gets out of control. Your mom sounds like she is at a very rough point in her life and is taking it out on you. No, it isn't right, but it tends to be human nature. Be confident in your parenting skills and your family life. Do not let anyone, including family, bring you down. Try the lunch, if things take a turn, get up and leave. It will make a sound statement that enough is enough. I am sorry you are going through this and that you don't have your mom by your side. I hope things work out for the best. Congrats on the baby and good luck :)
I understand and sympathize with what you are going through. We went through something similar when my son was born and my mother-in-law came back into our life after twelve years and made it a living hell. I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do but I will caution you to think it through thoroughly and make sure you maintain an escape route to once again break off your relationship if it becomes negative.
It's been almost 8yrs since that day and I don't regret it. I have a daughter who is AMAZING i know that I am a better mother to her because I leave the misery of my own mother out her life.
Quoting LLbaby143:do you have any regrets of not working thru the issues? (even if she is "incureable")
i feel like my mom is the type you have to suck it up and DEAL with, cuz she cannot ever see your side she feels she is ALWAYS the victim.
Quoting ElleBee75:
Leave your mother alone and have a happy healthy baby. The misery that is your mother will still be there after you come home. If you choose to deal with her then great, of not that's fine too. You'll have better things to do focusing on your family and new baby.
Believe me i havent spoken to my own mother in almost 14yrs and she's still miserable bitching about things that happened 20yrs ago.
Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!
- LLbaby143
on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:18 PM