reposting b/c original was real late last night... sorry. could really use some advice though...
I can't get out of my own way and get myself together!
Background: I'm 25, married for a few years, two kids, dropped out of college when pregnant with my first to work full time, was single at the time I delivered. (Both of my children have the same father: DH) I'm not even really sure what exactly I want/need!! Basically, I need to lose 60 pounds, I need to get back to school, I need to be a better mother, I need to be a better wife, and I need to take better care of my house. Issues:
-We have a tiny house with no real room to work out
-We live in the desert (literally - military) and the kids get too hot when I take them outside for more than 15 minutes -I try to spend time with my DS (4) when my DD (1) is napping - that seems to be my optimum workout time (wii fit is all we have, we have a Kinect but the room is too small and it doesn't register movements well) but I feel guilty for not spending a lot of one on one time with him
-I recently had surgery in my abdomen and it's still sore
-My husband isn't helpful with the dieting I try, and always wants me to cook italian food (he's italian)
-Lack of info I guess. Financial assistance, schedule, how on earth I could manage to fit it in right now... I only want to go to be able to get a better job. If I was not currently a SAHM, I could make decent money, but not enough to be a real contribution....
- I feel like I'm not spending enough one on one time with both my DS & DD and I'm worried they're going to fall behind for it. They are going to be starting preschool & part time daycare soon, so that will help with the social stuff (etc) but I'm just exhausted all the time from money problems, marital issues, and trying to make things work.
-I have major trust issues with my DH for very good reason, he understands why... but the sex drive is completely gone. There's hardly an affection, any time with just us, no one we know well enough to babysit the kids, nothing.
Better care of the house:
This is the part I'm not AS concerned with. I have clean bathrooms and kitchens, but we just have too much stuff!! We've donated and sold so much, I feel like we're bare minimum but this house is the size of my old (very nice) apartment.... and I added a husband and a child into it. It's all we could get here in our price range in such short notice that we had with the military and we can't afford to move to another house. But it's not NICE like I like it to be. I get behind on laundry and clutter and doing the floors and it's making me nuts.
I know this is essentially a list of excuses, but I can't figure out for the life of me how to make it better. I'm waaaaay open to ideas, practically begging for them. I want to be healthier, happier, and not so worn down in every aspect. :( Suggestions? Please?
added on: I realized today that I don't even care about doing stuff for myself anymore, and I can't remember the last time I did. I haven't done my hair in months, just throw it up and out of the way, I do the bare minimum of making my face presentable and only when I have to, and I wear sweatpants, tank tops, and unfitting bras. I'm feelin like crap. :/