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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

don't know what i'm feeling

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

i just dnt kno wat to do... am i depressed? do i feel traped? ugh... this feeling is killing me!!!

i am a teen mom, i had my son 2 days after my 18th birthday. One month and a half later i married. i dont know if it was out of love, or if it was because he took my virginity, but i just cant stop thinking that it was because it was expected of him since he was so involved with his church. he told me that it wasnt because we got pregnant, he said it was because he loved me. but then again i know for a fact that if i never ended up pregnant that we would  have never married. right now our life is good. our son is so smart, im the caretaker and he is the breadwinner. we have money, we have a few luxuries... bills are paid, but i just cant seemed to be happy. i lost all my friends. i hate my mother to death. my dad divorced her, i bearly see my brothers, my sister is loving the streets, my aunts are all judging bitches... i dnt know why in hell i feel so bad when my little family looks so good compare the the rest of my family?! is it beacuse of them, of them being in the back of my mind? is it because i have no one i can talk? is it because i feel like i tried growing up too fast? i cant help to feel like im 40 when im barely 20. i dnt feel wanted... i dnt feel proud of my self... i dnt think that im happy with my life... DON'T get me wrong... i dnt want to end my life, i just cant seem to find a way to make it better... my husband is sweet, and caring and nice, and funny. but i hate when there are times that he treats me like im his kid instead of his wife... he expects me to clean after him and i try but i dnt like it. he expects me to cook every meal, he expects me to do everything thats chores but i get tired of it. i need help too... im just a kid my self, i dnt want to grow up. i had to grow up all my life and i just want to be a kid!!! i hate him when he expects this of me because he reminds me of my mom... my mom made me take care of my sister when she left us alone at age 4 and 3... she went to mexico and i had to be alone with my sister and help my dad care for my new brother... i had to teach my sister everything in school because my mom didnt know english... my mom worked at a flea market 6 days a week 9am-9pm and my dad would work in another state so i was tking care of my sister and 2 brothers... they got to go out with friend while i stayed home and clean... i feel like my husband is trapping me home and making me do all these things (i have tried looking for jobs but we dnt have a 2nd car and walking distance... well its too far for anything) 

Im tired im tired im tired!!! im sick of feeling like this.. i want to run away, but whats the point? why run away if i have it so good?

its not that he is mentaly abusing me... its just that im traumatized by my mother and no matter how hard i try to move on from her... i always get reminded of her no matter what the situation.............






sorry i just need to get this off my chest, and im sorry if somethings didnt make sence

Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2012 at 2:20 PM
Replies (11-17):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 1, 2012 at 2:50 PM
You're 18 , not 12. You ARE an adult. Welcome to the real world. Yes your expected to do the house work, cook and clean.
RoseBlossom
by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:52 PM

my advice? listen to what your saying, ore read what you wrote to be more literal...you want out, but your own mother left you...how did you feel? terrible right? if you leave without really thinking it through, you will have ended up like your mom in a way. believe me when i say, even if you left your dh, you still have to be a parent, thats never going to change, ever...i had my son 2 days after i turned 18 too, i got married because of my family pushing us too, and i had no idea what the hell to do...i pushed through it for better or for worse, in the end, it was HE who left, because he couldnt hack it. its hard, its gonna be hard for a long time. you need to have a serious sitdown with your dh, and honestly i think what you need is an outlet. 

i felt the same way when i was your age, and what i really needed at that time was something to take my mind off of feeling so overburdened. try reading books, or sewing, or knitting, or painting, or writing...whatever your into, try to do that, or try to get into something that will give you some purpose besides being a mommy and a wife, maybe try to go back to school. good luck 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 1, 2012 at 2:56 PM
1 mom liked this

i was a teen mom as well 18 when i had my son and 22 when i had my daughter it will get better hang in there i will suggest seeing a therapist or at least talking to your dr and ask about post pardum  dont listen to people who are judgemental and stop beating yourself up i felt crappy too at tha5t age and went through years of therapy before i could love myself again  please take my advice say to yourself i love my life

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2012 at 2:58 PM

thank you for the obvious! i know what my duties as a wife is! But like i said i never experience what it was like to be a child... i just never though that i had to act like such at a young age. I dnt meanat 18 i ment i never thought that by age 8 i would learn how to cook for a family, and clean a WHOLE house by myself

Quoting Anonymous:

You're 18 , not 12. You ARE an adult. Welcome to the real world. Yes your expected to do the house work, cook and clean.


MamaLub
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2012 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Perhaps if someone taught you tact and compassion, you could move passed that.


Quoting Anonymous:

Perhaps you should have graduated high school and passed English. Then I might be able to read your whole post and give some advice...

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MamaLub
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2012 at 3:12 PM
Try online courses. Figure out what it is that want then work backwards to figure out the steps to get there. Right now you feel as though your whole Life has been a treadmill leading nowhere. Everything you do will take you in a direction. Choose what you want to do differently. I would say your husband is young and impressionable. I imagine the church taught him that his wife should be submissive and a holly homemaker. Let him know how you feel in a calm way. Tell him you would like to do something with your life so that you can be happier and make a happy home. Start a small savings for a cheap used car. Once you can work, you can save up for a better one.
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ChaoticSoul
by on May. 1, 2012 at 5:52 PM
Maybe you should have that talk again and remind him.

Quoting Anonymous:

my mom kicked me out when i told her i was pregnant. she said that the only way she will see me as her daughter again was if i marry him. And i have always wanted her approval so i did as she said. i have once in the very begining of my marrige, but slowly he has seemed to forgot. i love him so dearly, but i always question myself if im IN love with him...


Quoting ChaoticSoul:

Also, if you were not ready to get married why did u? Have you talked to dh about how he makes you feel?


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