i just dnt kno wat to do... am i depressed? do i feel traped? ugh... this feeling is killing me!!!
i am a teen mom, i had my son 2 days after my 18th birthday. One month and a half later i married. i dont know if it was out of love, or if it was because he took my virginity, but i just cant stop thinking that it was because it was expected of him since he was so involved with his church. he told me that it wasnt because we got pregnant, he said it was because he loved me. but then again i know for a fact that if i never ended up pregnant that we would have never married. right now our life is good. our son is so smart, im the caretaker and he is the breadwinner. we have money, we have a few luxuries... bills are paid, but i just cant seemed to be happy. i lost all my friends. i hate my mother to death. my dad divorced her, i bearly see my brothers, my sister is loving the streets, my aunts are all judging bitches... i dnt know why in hell i feel so bad when my little family looks so good compare the the rest of my family?! is it beacuse of them, of them being in the back of my mind? is it because i have no one i can talk? is it because i feel like i tried growing up too fast? i cant help to feel like im 40 when im barely 20. i dnt feel wanted... i dnt feel proud of my self... i dnt think that im happy with my life... DON'T get me wrong... i dnt want to end my life, i just cant seem to find a way to make it better... my husband is sweet, and caring and nice, and funny. but i hate when there are times that he treats me like im his kid instead of his wife... he expects me to clean after him and i try but i dnt like it. he expects me to cook every meal, he expects me to do everything thats chores but i get tired of it. i need help too... im just a kid my self, i dnt want to grow up. i had to grow up all my life and i just want to be a kid!!! i hate him when he expects this of me because he reminds me of my mom... my mom made me take care of my sister when she left us alone at age 4 and 3... she went to mexico and i had to be alone with my sister and help my dad care for my new brother... i had to teach my sister everything in school because my mom didnt know english... my mom worked at a flea market 6 days a week 9am-9pm and my dad would work in another state so i was tking care of my sister and 2 brothers... they got to go out with friend while i stayed home and clean... i feel like my husband is trapping me home and making me do all these things (i have tried looking for jobs but we dnt have a 2nd car and walking distance... well its too far for anything)
Im tired im tired im tired!!! im sick of feeling like this.. i want to run away, but whats the point? why run away if i have it so good?
its not that he is mentaly abusing me... its just that im traumatized by my mother and no matter how hard i try to move on from her... i always get reminded of her no matter what the situation.............
sorry i just need to get this off my chest, and im sorry if somethings didnt make sence