I have made a couple of posts about this before, but now it is past time to have this talk with DF's nephew and DF finally agrees, BUT...
For those that don't know, DF has an 18 year old nephew that stays at our house at least 4 or 5 nights a week. We pay him $20 a night to babysit when both we have to work nights. My children are 12 and 5 and he is usually with the kids only an hour or so before bedtime. Basically, we are paying him just to have an adult in the house in case of emergency because he doesn't actually DO anything.
He eats our food, uses our utilities, internet, uses our extra vehicle to go where he wants and needs to go, we give him gas money to go to college and football practice etc. I finally had enough tonight when he showed up out of the blue again because I was really looking forward to having some alone time after the kids went to bed. I texted DF and told him how I feel, that I shouldn't have to pay him to babysit every night that we have to work or if I just want to go out and get out of the house for a while.
DF agrees, but he says that *I* need to talk to him, but I disagree. It is HIS nephew and WE pay the bills. I think either DF should talk to him or we should both talk to him.
I don't mind paying hiim because he does need extra money sometimes. y thing is like tonight...he is here anyway. He is going to be here all night because he is spending the night. The kids are already in bed sleeping. I would see nothing wrong with me going to hang out with my friends (we like to get together and do karaoke about once a week) without me having to pay him.
As far as the gas and the car goes, I would feel different about it if he were using the car to take the kids somewhere or to run errands, but he doesn't. It is for his personal use.
I do understand what you are saying though. I wouldn't dream of not paying him at all. I would even be willing to just pay him a salary of some sort every week instead of by the night.
Quoting .betty.white.:Personally, I think its a small price to pay. Personally, I know the cost of live in nannys (who would do the same things listed lol) and the cost of private daycare or someone to come to your home and sit for you while you are at work.... I personally think that you should think very very carefully about alienating your child care provider and thank your lucky stars you have someone reliable and loving towards your children. That is what I personally think... Whatever you decide, remember there may very well be some very negative consequences for your family if you two decide to not pay him...
PS start to buy him the cheap lunch meat.... lol.
Quoting GoneBad31:Ok...
1.) He uses our vehicle that we put gas in for him to use to go back and forth to school, football practice, to go out, or whatever else he wants or needs to do.
2.) He eats 3 meals a day here, at least. He eats breakfast, comes home from school for lunch, and eats dinner. Do you have ANY IDEA how much an 18 yr old kid can eat? I spent $600 on food last month. He goes through a pound of lunchmeat A DAY!
3.) He takes his showers here, watches TV here, plays on his computer here, sleeps here almost every night whether he is babysitting or not...
4.)DF paid his health insurance for him so he could play football this year.
Quoting .betty.white.:I'm confused about why you wouldnt pay him.. Can you run that by me again?
I am a *don't really give a damn what you think* and *couldn't care less how you discipline and feed your kids/babies* and *pro-mind your own business* type of mom. Oh, and a very devoted and loving girlfriend:)
That is a good idea. Like maybe tell him, look we will pay you X amount a week if you work a min of X hours or whatever it is. Good luck!
Quoting GoneBad31:I don't mind paying hiim because he does need extra money sometimes. y thing is like tonight...he is here anyway. He is going to be here all night because he is spending the night. The kids are already in bed sleeping. I would see nothing wrong with me going to hang out with my friends (we like to get together and do karaoke about once a week) without me having to pay him.
As far as the gas and the car goes, I would feel different about it if he were using the car to take the kids somewhere or to run errands, but he doesn't. It is for his personal use.
I do understand what you are saying though. I wouldn't dream of not paying him at all. I would even be willing to just pay him a salary of some sort every week instead of by the night.
Quoting .betty.white.:Personally, I think its a small price to pay. Personally, I know the cost of live in nannys (who would do the same things listed lol) and the cost of private daycare or someone to come to your home and sit for you while you are at work.... I personally think that you should think very very carefully about alienating your child care provider and thank your lucky stars you have someone reliable and loving towards your children. That is what I personally think... Whatever you decide, remember there may very well be some very negative consequences for your family if you two decide to not pay him...
PS start to buy him the cheap lunch meat.... lol.
Quoting GoneBad31:Ok...
1.) He uses our vehicle that we put gas in for him to use to go back and forth to school, football practice, to go out, or whatever else he wants or needs to do.
2.) He eats 3 meals a day here, at least. He eats breakfast, comes home from school for lunch, and eats dinner. Do you have ANY IDEA how much an 18 yr old kid can eat? I spent $600 on food last month. He goes through a pound of lunchmeat A DAY!
3.) He takes his showers here, watches TV here, plays on his computer here, sleeps here almost every night whether he is babysitting or not...
4.)DF paid his health insurance for him so he could play football this year.
Quoting .betty.white.:I'm confused about why you wouldnt pay him.. Can you run that by me again?
You know you want it
Quoting GoneBad31:He is not STUCK, he comes and goes as he pleases...Like tonight he could be out because I am at home, but he is sitting here instead. And when he does go out, guess who gives him money to do so? Guess whose vehicle he is using? Guess who puts the gas in that vehicle? Guess where he eats dinner every night?
I never said it was too much to pay him, I am saying that if things are tight one week we should be able to ask him to do it for free because we are practically fully supporting him.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You're only paying $20 and he's stuck in the house not able to go out because you need a sitter... I don't think it's too much to pay him but that's just me...
Right or wrong if a conversation needs to be had with his nephew either both of you or DF should do it. If you do it alone you're the evil outsider causing family drama.
Actually, I don't spend money to go out, I don't have to.
And I didn't say never pay him. I am talking about maybe once a week getting a freebie because the boy can put away $100 in food by himself every week. DF even tried to set limitations on the food, but he pigs out when we are not here. He puts gas money in the car so he can go back and forth to school and football practice, but he runs it all out giving rides to his friends.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You said you don't think you should have to pay when you're both working or just want to go out... When you're not home he is STUCK there. Also, if you have money to go out you should be able to afford $20. He's family and if money is tight he should help out but it's also not unreasonable for him to expect a couple bucks.
Quoting GoneBad31:He is not STUCK, he comes and goes as he pleases...Like tonight he could be out because I am at home, but he is sitting here instead. And when he does go out, guess who gives him money to do so? Guess whose vehicle he is using? Guess who puts the gas in that vehicle? Guess where he eats dinner every night?
I never said it was too much to pay him, I am saying that if things are tight one week we should be able to ask him to do it for free because we are practically fully supporting him.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You're only paying $20 and he's stuck in the house not able to go out because you need a sitter... I don't think it's too much to pay him but that's just me...
Right or wrong if a conversation needs to be had with his nephew either both of you or DF should do it. If you do it alone you're the evil outsider causing family drama.
I would do that, but he does need transportation to school and back. I want him to encourage him to go to school and if it wasn't for us he wouldn't be able to go. He got a grant for school, but it doesn't cover everything and DF pays for all of his supplies.
Quoting Sweets27:
Stop feeding him, letting him use your vehicle etc. Pay him for babysitter but that's it. Tell him needs to provide his own food, vehicle and all that.
Quoting GoneBad31:Actually, I don't spend money to go out, I don't have to.
And I didn't say never pay him. I am talking about maybe once a week getting a freebie because the boy can put away $100 in food by himself every week. DF even tried to set limitations on the food, but he pigs out when we are not here. He puts gas money in the car so he can go back and forth to school and football practice, but he runs it all out giving rides to his friends.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You said you don't think you should have to pay when you're both working or just want to go out... When you're not home he is STUCK there. Also, if you have money to go out you should be able to afford $20. He's family and if money is tight he should help out but it's also not unreasonable for him to expect a couple bucks.
Quoting GoneBad31:He is not STUCK, he comes and goes as he pleases...Like tonight he could be out because I am at home, but he is sitting here instead. And when he does go out, guess who gives him money to do so? Guess whose vehicle he is using? Guess who puts the gas in that vehicle? Guess where he eats dinner every night?
I never said it was too much to pay him, I am saying that if things are tight one week we should be able to ask him to do it for free because we are practically fully supporting him.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You're only paying $20 and he's stuck in the house not able to go out because you need a sitter... I don't think it's too much to pay him but that's just me...
Right or wrong if a conversation needs to be had with his nephew either both of you or DF should do it. If you do it alone you're the evil outsider causing family drama.
That is actually more along the lines of what I was talking about. For instance, if we put gas in the car for him (say $20) then that should come off of what we owe him for babysitting. Maybe he would stop wasting gas if we did this.
I am not trying to be mean, I am actually thinking this is what I would do with one of my own children. I would pay for their essentials, but I would not allow it to be taken advantage of (which I do feel in this case sometimes) and they would have to help maintain the house (since they are living here), etc.
I never meant to sound like he should never get paid for anything. If we didn't pay him for babysitting we would end up having to pay for it anyway. He gets about $100 a week from us and we take care of everything else and he gets free food, room and board, and transportation. So basically, he gets $100 a week to just do whatever he wants with. The landlord is even talking about charging us extra rent because he is not on our original lease and he is here so much.
I definitely believe DF should be there for the talk.
Quoting HIJKLM:
Maybe instead of limiting how much you pay him for child care you can tell him he needs to start paying his own gas, that should save you a ton and don't give him cash he hasn't earned. If he needs/ wants cash tell him he owes you either in money, chores or babysitting... I still think your DF should be in on the conversation though
Quoting GoneBad31:Actually, I don't spend money to go out, I don't have to.
And I didn't say never pay him. I am talking about maybe once a week getting a freebie because the boy can put away $100 in food by himself every week. DF even tried to set limitations on the food, but he pigs out when we are not here. He puts gas money in the car so he can go back and forth to school and football practice, but he runs it all out giving rides to his friends.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You said you don't think you should have to pay when you're both working or just want to go out... When you're not home he is STUCK there. Also, if you have money to go out you should be able to afford $20. He's family and if money is tight he should help out but it's also not unreasonable for him to expect a couple bucks.
Quoting GoneBad31:He is not STUCK, he comes and goes as he pleases...Like tonight he could be out because I am at home, but he is sitting here instead. And when he does go out, guess who gives him money to do so? Guess whose vehicle he is using? Guess who puts the gas in that vehicle? Guess where he eats dinner every night?
I never said it was too much to pay him, I am saying that if things are tight one week we should be able to ask him to do it for free because we are practically fully supporting him.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You're only paying $20 and he's stuck in the house not able to go out because you need a sitter... I don't think it's too much to pay him but that's just me...
Right or wrong if a conversation needs to be had with his nephew either both of you or DF should do it. If you do it alone you're the evil outsider causing family drama.
I am a *don't really give a damn what you think* and *couldn't care less how you discipline and feed your kids/babies* and *pro-mind your own business* type of mom. Oh, and a very devoted and loving girlfriend:)
Quoting GoneBad31:That is actually more along the lines of what I was talking about. For instance, if we put gas in the car for him (say $20) then that should come off of what we owe him for babysitting. Maybe he would stop wasting gas if we did this.
I am not trying to be mean, I am actually thinking this is what I would do with one of my own children. I would pay for their essentials, but I would not allow it to be taken advantage of (which I do feel in this case sometimes) and they would have to help maintain the house (since they are living here), etc.
I never meant to sound like he should never get paid for anything. If we didn't pay him for babysitting we would end up having to pay for it anyway. He gets about $100 a week from us and we take care of everything else and he gets free food, room and board, and transportation. So basically, he gets $100 a week to just do whatever he wants with. The landlord is even talking about charging us extra rent because he is not on our original lease and he is here so much.
I definitely believe DF should be there for the talk.
Quoting HIJKLM:
Maybe instead of limiting how much you pay him for child care you can tell him he needs to start paying his own gas, that should save you a ton and don't give him cash he hasn't earned. If he needs/ wants cash tell him he owes you either in money, chores or babysitting... I still think your DF should be in on the conversation though
Quoting GoneBad31:Actually, I don't spend money to go out, I don't have to.
And I didn't say never pay him. I am talking about maybe once a week getting a freebie because the boy can put away $100 in food by himself every week. DF even tried to set limitations on the food, but he pigs out when we are not here. He puts gas money in the car so he can go back and forth to school and football practice, but he runs it all out giving rides to his friends.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You said you don't think you should have to pay when you're both working or just want to go out... When you're not home he is STUCK there. Also, if you have money to go out you should be able to afford $20. He's family and if money is tight he should help out but it's also not unreasonable for him to expect a couple bucks.
Quoting GoneBad31:He is not STUCK, he comes and goes as he pleases...Like tonight he could be out because I am at home, but he is sitting here instead. And when he does go out, guess who gives him money to do so? Guess whose vehicle he is using? Guess who puts the gas in that vehicle? Guess where he eats dinner every night?
I never said it was too much to pay him, I am saying that if things are tight one week we should be able to ask him to do it for free because we are practically fully supporting him.
Quoting HIJKLM:
You're only paying $20 and he's stuck in the house not able to go out because you need a sitter... I don't think it's too much to pay him but that's just me...
Right or wrong if a conversation needs to be had with his nephew either both of you or DF should do it. If you do it alone you're the evil outsider causing family drama.
They are trying to ban buying soda from FS
Do you REGRET having kids
- GoneBad31
on May. 1, 2012 at 10:48 PM