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I hate her! How would you feel?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

What would you do if you found out that your teenaged son had raped & molested BOTH of your daughters? The girls are 10 & under. I'm not talking about what would you do legally because that is out of your hands.

My SD was 6 when we found out that her half brother raped & molested her for the past couple of years. He also did the same to her sister (his full sister) from the time she was 5 until it all came out when she was 11.

BM is consumed in what's going to happen to her son, instead of  worrying about what HAS happened to both of her girls.

She refuses to take my SD to group therapy, so I do it. She is furious with me & DH for pressing charges against her son.

What would you do if these were your children? I hate her for her lack of concern for her girls & their future.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Replies (81-90):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on May. 2, 2012 at 10:00 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sure he did threaten them & that makes me so upset.

I'm so sorry that happened to you :-(

Quoting Anonymous:

i was quiet for years when my uncle was molesting me  it took til i was 11 and it started at age 4 good for the girls for speaking  out  !! shame on the brother for what he did you were so right the girls are the victims here and like any molester  the boy probably used threats to keep them quiet for years !


thank you !! and fyi it took years of therapy to understand what he did to me and why i chose bad guys all the time as mates and yes most of the men i met after that were sexually abusive to the point where i was date raped at 18 and got pregnant , my best advice get therapy statred early i dint start therapy til i was an adult which was too late 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on May. 2, 2012 at 10:02 AM

If she is talking about it with you opening right now I would start now.  It is sad that she is 7 but age doesnt really matter anymore once you've been through sexual abuse.  If she was raped or made to do something sexually she already knows what she did, she may not know the terms for it or even what it means but she knows about it.  Without converstation she may try to do things sexually to herself, with her little girl friends, with other boys her age, etc.  My SD is almost 6 and I cant imagine having this conversation with her but I would do it in a heartbeat to save her from becoming sexually active like I did at a young age.  I was 11 when it happened to me and I had my first consentual sex when I was 12 I never told anyone about the abuse until I was 16 and didnt get over all of the flashbacks until I got therapy following my marriage when I was 21.  You could even just leave the conversation at something as simple as why you and her daddy love each other and what dad sees special in you or is thankful for you about so she sees its more than sex Good luck this is not an easy situation.  Another difficult thing is that I loved my brother who did this to me and i didnt want to see him hurt or in trouble and i didnt want him to not like me anymore - her feelings about him could be difficult for her to understand as well and this could be another topic of conversation.  How it is possible to love someone but its more important to love yourself first and just because you "tattle" on him doesnt mean you dont love him 

Quoting Anonymous:

When is the right age to begin discussing this with my SD? She is now 7.

Thank you for your advice!

Quoting Anonymous:

Coming from someone who has had personal experience similar to this situation - Do the most you can for the girls you can but DONT make their lives revolve around getting over it, they are already going to struggle knowing that they had to grow up a lot faster than their peers and having that experience.  Make sure you discuss the importance of not giving herself away to other boys and show her how good men/boys do not need a girl to do things sexually for them in order to like them.  As for the boy - it is good for him that he gets caught in this.  In my situation the male was not caught or repremanded and is now pyschologically possibly even physically abusive to his exwife who he keeps around to do his house work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, he controls her money and free time, he controls who she sees when she sees them and for how long.  He is now in a domestically abusive situation and I feel for the woman he is abusing and have tried talking with her but as she "loves" him she is not willing to leave him despite the fact they are divorced and no longer dating even.  Basically there are MANY reasons to report and stay on this - for your girls, the boy, and anyone else that boy has any interactions with later in life.



nonnahsregah40
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:06 AM
2 moms liked this

You are more than welcome! I have not had the traditional therapy- I am not able to keep a traditional relationship( I am a single mom due to not wanting to put their fathers needs before my children's) I found that reading a lot and I mean a lot of positive self help books with varying topics has helped me stay positive and for the most part I am happy. What I guess I am saying it doesn't have to be the end of the world for the girls if they get helpful positive reaction and solutions to the issue. Be positive as much as possible- use a hobby as therapy- I sew and read- it is my outlet( however I wish I toke up a sport( I think it would of been better) I am turning 40 and even though life didn't turn out the way I thought it should of been ( white picketfence and all) I find happiness in small things and realise I could have it ten times worse. Good luck! and if you can offer the mother help with the oldest(she may turn you down, but at least you offered) Your Husband needs to at this point keep his temper in check and realise it will be a long process of healing for his daughter. Hang in there! Oh and more than anything don't feel sorry or pity them it turns it negative. just offer a shoulder to cry and as many positive outlets as possible.


 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you for your post. You gave me a different perspective.

I am terribly sorry that you had to go through that :-(

Quoting nonnahsregah40:

If I was the mother I would be pissed to no end- I would not disown my child, but I would not make excuse and would let justice be served. For the girls I would do everything in my power to make them realise it was not their fault and make sure they had counseling. I have been there- my father abused me and I got to go to counseling twice and since my father had friends in high places no jail time for him. So I had to live with him and it for the rest of my life. You sound like a kind and caring women keep up the good work! Don't hate the Bio Mom she is just clueless at the moment and doesn't know what to do. Good luck!



SnookiBoo
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 10:06 AM

 Shit, is she on crack???  How could she be concerned for him when he the POS molestered  his sister and step sister? 

I would've pressed charges and have nothing more to do with him.  Until  MAYBE he went for help. and that is a big maybe. 

nursetina
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

I would press charges against my son to the fullest extent AFTER I beat the hell out of him several times. And I would disown him. I would no longer have a son.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on May. 2, 2012 at 10:16 AM

I would follow through on all legal measures for pressing charges and legal consequences. I would also make sure he was in counseling every week as he had to have something going on that led to this. Then I would have both girls in post traumatic speciality work, a sexual survivors group for same age children and individual therapy. I'd tell BM to get over herself as when I was done she would likely be in jail for having sexed the teen boy too young which led to the abuse not to mention her failure at being involved. One child suffered 6 years of abuse. Where the hell was she? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 2, 2012 at 10:25 AM

I know....BOTH girls are his sisters too. My SD is his half sister.

I know that I'm not in the BM's shoes but I agree with you. I would probably continue a relationship with his AFTER he received LOTS of help. But I don't think it would ever be the same.

I just don't know how she can go about everyday life, hanging out with him knowing what he did to both of her daughters. I have to shut out mental images in my mind to keep from going crazy,

My SD is so small & precious. I am furious that this happened to her & cannot imagine how horrible it was for her.

Quoting SnookiBoo:

 Shit, is she on crack???  How could she be concerned for him when he the POS molestered  his sister and step sister? 

I would've pressed charges and have nothing more to do with him.  Until  MAYBE he went for help. and that is a big maybe. 


PeytonNBella
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 10:25 AM

Do everything I could to protect the girls, the son will not get any help with a Mother unwilling to see the truth.

I'm sick to my stomach for those girls. Glad you have the sense to press charges and to get your SD therapy.

QJsmommy
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Are you serious? He wouldn't even make it through the legal shit I would beat the shit out of him for hours no lie. I would seriously put his ass in the hospital my own son or not he's an animal!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 2, 2012 at 10:31 AM

She only talks about it in therapy twice a week right now.

She does talk about her brother a lot. Only positive things of course. 

I really appreciate your time, seeing what a victim feels like & needs helps guide me.

I am reading everything I can get my hands on right now so I can help my SD, my DH & myself.

Quoting Anonymous:

If she is talking about it with you opening right now I would start now.  It is sad that she is 7 but age doesnt really matter anymore once you've been through sexual abuse.  If she was raped or made to do something sexually she already knows what she did, she may not know the terms for it or even what it means but she knows about it.  Without converstation she may try to do things sexually to herself, with her little girl friends, with other boys her age, etc.  My SD is almost 6 and I cant imagine having this conversation with her but I would do it in a heartbeat to save her from becoming sexually active like I did at a young age.  I was 11 when it happened to me and I had my first consentual sex when I was 12 I never told anyone about the abuse until I was 16 and didnt get over all of the flashbacks until I got therapy following my marriage when I was 21.  You could even just leave the conversation at something as simple as why you and her daddy love each other and what dad sees special in you or is thankful for you about so she sees its more than sex Good luck this is not an easy situation.  Another difficult thing is that I loved my brother who did this to me and i didnt want to see him hurt or in trouble and i didnt want him to not like me anymore - her feelings about him could be difficult for her to understand as well and this could be another topic of conversation.  How it is possible to love someone but its more important to love yourself first and just because you "tattle" on him doesnt mean you dont love him 

Quoting Anonymous:

When is the right age to begin discussing this with my SD? She is now 7.

Thank you for your advice!

Quoting Anonymous:

Coming from someone who has had personal experience similar to this situation - Do the most you can for the girls you can but DONT make their lives revolve around getting over it, they are already going to struggle knowing that they had to grow up a lot faster than their peers and having that experience.  Make sure you discuss the importance of not giving herself away to other boys and show her how good men/boys do not need a girl to do things sexually for them in order to like them.  As for the boy - it is good for him that he gets caught in this.  In my situation the male was not caught or repremanded and is now pyschologically possibly even physically abusive to his exwife who he keeps around to do his house work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, he controls her money and free time, he controls who she sees when she sees them and for how long.  He is now in a domestically abusive situation and I feel for the woman he is abusing and have tried talking with her but as she "loves" him she is not willing to leave him despite the fact they are divorced and no longer dating even.  Basically there are MANY reasons to report and stay on this - for your girls, the boy, and anyone else that boy has any interactions with later in life.




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