Link to part one
Link to part two
Link to Part Three
The next morning I awoke to an empty bed. I made my way down to the kitchen to find the kids ready for school, breakfast on the table, and a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. My husband was sitting at the table with the kids. He smiled nervously.
"Breakfast is ready."
I smiled and sat down at the table, and for the first time in what seemed like years, enjoyed a breakfast with my family. We said our morning goodbyes, and my husband kissed my cheek. He did not say "I love you as usual." Instead he said "I promise, I will change." As I drove to work I thought and argued with my own conscience. My husband wanted to try, he wanted to change. Would he though? One day's worth of promises and nice gestures was not enough to save our marriage. What if after a week or two of trying he fell back into his old habits? I had tried to reach out and save our marriage, but had I tried hard enough? I was tired of being in a lonely relationship, tiered of being invisible. Didn't I deserve to be happy? What about the kids? What would happen to them?
I sat in the parking lot at work. It was time to face Adam. I wanted to run and hide. I knew that if he saw me, he would look into my eyes and see the doubt, see the battle raging within. There was no running away, there was no hiding. I had no choice but to face this challenge head on.
I walked into work and sat at my desk. No fresh flowers, no coffee. I glanced at Adams desk, he was not there. Why had he not come into day? I texted him.
"Where are you? Are you coming into work today?"
"No, I needed a day to just think."
"Okay, I understand."
"Take today off? We need to talk."
I told my supervisor I had a personal issue that needed to be dealt with, and left for the day. Adam texted me the name of the Hotel and room number. When I arrived at the hotel I waited in the parking lot, sick to my stomach thinking of what could happen if I went into the room. He could end it all, I could end it all, or we could take it too far. I had no idea what I wanted, I just knew that I wasn't ready for it to end.
Each step to his room left my legs a little weaker. I felt as if I would be sick. I stood at his door, wanting nothing more than to run away, and at the same time wanting nothing more than to burst through the door and hold him. I gently knocked. As he opened the door, my heart dropped at the sight of him. Eyes swollen and red, hair a mess. He opened the door and gestured for me to enter. I sat on the bed and stared at my hands, I couldn't bear to look at him. We both sat there in silence, waiting. I'm not sure what we were waiting for. I wanted him to talk, but he just sat there, looking out the window. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. Guilt gripped my heart like a vice. I had played with fire, and now someone was going to get burned. Was it going to be Adam? Or was it going to be my husband and children?
I couldn't take the silence any longer.
He jerked his head and looked at me like I was crazy. "You're sorry? For what?"
I started to cry, "Your marriage, this is my fault."
He rushed over and kneeled in front of my taking my hands in his. "My marriage was over before I met you. You gave me the courage to do what needed to be done. "
"Your wife, was she okay?"
He laughed "I think she was relieved. She said she knew our marriage was over, she said she wanted to move on, she just didn't know how to do it. This was the push we both needed to get on with our lives. It hurts, but now I can move on. I will always care about her, maybe even love her, but I cannot be happy with her. "
He wiped the tears from my cheeks, then sat next to me.
"Listen, I understand this isn't as easy for you as it is for me. You have kids. You have to do what you feel is best for them. I can't ask you to leave your family for me, but if you're going to stay with your husband, then this needs to end. I'm not trying to pressure you for an answer or a decision, but soon, you will have to decide what you want.
"I want to be happy. I know I would be happy with you. I know that without a doubt, but what about my family, my kids? If I could be happy with my husband, I should give my family that chance."
"There isn't one choice that can make you happy. You could come with me and end up miserable, or you could stay and end up miserable. Happiness, that is a choice you make. I can't make you happy, that is something you have to find within yourself. Don't leave your husband to be happy. I can't promise you happiness."
All I could do is close my eyes and let the tears fall. Had my discontent really be a product of my own making? Was he right? How could anyone be happy when their own husband refuses to see them?
"I don't know how to be happy. I cannot just be happy and expect my marriage recover."
"I can't make this decision for you. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want you to choose me, but I will support whatever decision you make."
I looked into his eyes, tears streamed down his face.
"I don't want to lose you." I choked on the words as I spoke. "I don't want to be without you."
Adam cupped my face in his hands and kissed with a desperate hunger. I kissed back with a longing to never let go. One passionate kiss after the next we edged closer to that line that should never be crossed. Skin to skin, naked and unashamed, we crossed that line. The world no longer existed outside of that tiny room. Only we existed, only we mattered. Hours passed by, and the passion only grew stronger.
Later that day, I laid next to Adam, watching him breathe deeply as he slept. I knew what needed to be done. I didn't know what would happen in the end, but I knew what needed to be done. I gently kissed Adam's cheek, and climbed quietly out of bed, dressed in silence and scribbled a little note for Adam.
"Meet me at the cafe tonight, 9 pm."
I laid the note beside him and snuck out of the room. I could no longer cry, or smile. My mind was set on what needed to be done. When I arrived home, I quickly found my husband and approached him.
"We need to talk, after the kids are in bed. We have to talk. "
The rest of the night dragged on, nervously we went about our nightly routines. He avoided me, I avoided him. I wondered what he thought I needed to say. I could tell from the look on his face that he knew it was something big, and I could see the pain in his eyes. As I tucked the kids in bed I kissed them gently and told them I loved them. Praying that they would forgive me for what I was about to do.
I walked down to the living room where my husband sat quietly, staring at the floor. I sat next to him, and like Adam and I had done earlier that day, we sat in silence. Finally he spoke.
"Whatever it is, whatever is going on, just tell me. "
A deep breath, and a terrified heart I let it out, "I have been seeing someone else."
to be continued.............