Well, we had our first (in thirty years) home invasion. My little pack of junk yard dogs paid off.
Hubs and I were sleeping in bed when around 3:30 this morning, the dogs went bananas. All four of them were snarling and swirling in the hallway when hubs went out to see what the commotion was (in his tighty whiteys, no less, with his socks to his knees and his bedroom slippers on). When I heard through the racket Hubs saying, "You are in the wrong house, Dude.". I snatched one of swords off the shelf, realized it was a Highlander replica that had a blunt blade, tossed it to the corner and grabbed one of our shiny new swords off the mantle, grabbed a can of Raid (to spray into the intruder's eyes), and set it by the door and dialed 911 on the phone, forgeting it wasn't a cell and that I didn't need to hit 'send' to complete the call. The call was instant, I couldn't hear the worried operator over the dogs barking.
When I got out of the bedroom, sword in one hand, phone in the other, Hubs was already outside with whoever he was talking to. I peeked through the peephole in the door to see a very unsteady strung out man (elaborately dressed for a night at the club) swaying back and forth and discussing something with Hubs in the driveway. Hubs waved him off and came up the drive. The dogs, and ironically, one of my cats (Copperfield) were still circling my ankles snarling and snapping at the door. Hubs pointed out that someone was on the phone. I turned it off without thinking and asked what happened, replacing the sword in its sheath.
He said he came into the hall, looking down to see what the dogs were freaking out about, and saw a pair of legs so he looked up to see this strange young man backed into the living room corner by all four dogs and the cat. (Weird cat thinks it is one of the dog pack and shuns the other cats). The man looked no more sentient than a manequin in a store. The dogs had thoughtfully herded him facing into the wall where he leaned precariously and blinked at the floor. Hubs snapped his fingers and lifted the flea spray (best doggie training device ever invented) they came down the hallway to guard our room while eyeing this tasty new snack that had wandered into the house.
As he explained the man had thought it was a girlfriend's house and was too wasted to comprehend he had nearly been eaten, Hubs realized we had called 911 and said, "Great. I'm a black man with this white woman in my home. I foresee a very long discussion with the police, Hon. But that's okay. You did right. Is that your sword? Put it back! That will complicate things."
There was a knock at the door. Hubs went out, the dogs went berserk, I peeked through the peephole and unsheathed the sword again. My smallest dog sniffed hopefully at the hilt, guessing there might be food in there. Disappointed, she set about growling and howling at the door again with her pack. Hubs came in, grabbed the phone and said, "Well, I'll call it, but I think your friends have your cellphone, Dude. By the way. Replace those friends. They left you here when they realized its the wrong house.". At least he had changed into shorts and a shirt by now.
The cops came pulling up, so I stashed the sword under the sofa and went out. Hubs was saying, "He's only just now regaining use of his mental faculties. But he has no idea where he is and his friends ditched him when they realized it was the wrong house and he had gone in.". The man helpfully slurred to the policeman, "I live on B--- Street.". (B---- street is literally half a block down the street at the corner. This guy was lost in his own neighborhood, he was so high.). The cop raised his eyebrows, "You live on B--- and you don't know where you are?" he asked. The man leaned against the mailbox and looked sad, "I'm lost." he said. The cop smiled at us and said, "You can go back to bed, now. I'll take care of him.". The man smiled and said, "Thank you" to the officer and began walking back to our front door. "Dude. You're going with the policeman. We're going to bed." Hubs said gently to the guy. "Ohhhhh." said the man, "Thank you for calling them.".
I'm pretty sure they arrested him, because they were searching his pockets when we went inside. We fed the dogs a whole package of bacon for their service.