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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

What a day! (it helps if you understand military commissaries)

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:08 AM
  • 21 Replies

As most of you know I am a disabled & retired US veteran.  Today, I went grocery shopping at my local base commissary.  I only shop once a month, out of habit and because I know it will take me at least a week to recover from the effort.

When you shop at the commissary and are going to check out, you get in a single line and wait for the next available register.  Not like at Walmart where you line up at any open register.  There are NO cutting in lines, which is very bad manners and, there are huge signs that give Military Members in uniform priority, they CAN go to the front of the line AND a person who is disabled CAN take this opportunity, but I never do.  There I sit in my power wheelchair grocery cart, and this couple cuts in front of me.  I was the ONLY person in line, so it was not like I was not obviously waiting for a h/c line to open up.  There are several and are always open.  Non handicapped patrons can use those lines, too. An h/c checkout line is a bit wider and it is easier to maneuver one of those power chairs.  This couple, NOT IN UNIFORM, cut in front of me and went to the available h/c line.  The store manager saw what happened and asked them to go back and for me to come forward.  They did go back, but while I was in line the older son of this couple kept ragging at me that his dad was a disabled veteran, NOT present, NOT in uniform, and he kept swearing at me, telling me to 'shut the fuck up' and stop whining.  I was in tears.  The manager asked him to be quiet, the cashier was scared, and my faithful bagger was outraged.  All pointed to the signs that give me the 'right' or 'opportunity' to cut in line, which I never do.  I laugh it off saying 'I have all the time in the world'.  The cashier and my bagger were shocked and saddened by the attitude of the young man.  I asked the manager to open another line, which she did and to wait until they had left before finishing my order.  She refused to have me wait, she knows how difficult it is for me to come to shop and I have been shopping at this commissary for over 20 YEARS.  I have never had this type of incident happen and compounded with the crap at the Veteran's Admin Hospital this month, I am seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with me?  I cannot seem to catch a break for compassion when I am down and really struggling with my disabilities. 

Is this just the way of the world now?  I understand the old motto, "hurry up and wait" that will never go away, that is part of being military and prior military.  Am I just being super sensitive because I have no medication to control my pain and emotional struggles?  Will I end up being treated like a dog and less than human as my disabilities take there toll on my body as I age?  I may only be 52 years old, but I feel and look 80!  Showing bad manners on base is never heard of.  We (military, active and retired, spouses, family members) all understand we are all in this together.  That the base is the one safe place where we can 'let our guard down' and 99% of the time we chat to complete strangers because we all share a common bond of being military.  I have met people from all over the World, these bases are the two bases every Air Force member will show up at, at some point of their career.  We are also the two bases that train foreign Nationals from you name it, we see a lot of high powered dignitaries from you name it, too.  Lear jets out number those of the Squadrons!    If  you understand military commissaries, please let me know.  The store manager, cashier and faithful bagger are all people I know by name because of the long term use of that commissary.  It is an older commissary, only 15 checkout lanes and 12 very short isles.  They do not stock everything like the other base commissary in town, which is built more like a super Walmart.  I find that store just too big to handle.  I will go there if there is a special item I need, and for that, I pre-order and it is waiting at customer service for me. 

Keep me in your prayers.  My one day I look forward to driving my car and going someplace other than a doctor's office, was ruined.  I only drive my car two or three days a month.  It is just too hard to get in and drive and get out.  That alone wears me out.

surrender

by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:15 AM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you went through that! I feel you too well on that, but most of ours don't happen on military bases. Hubby and I are both veterans, but he is an injured/disabled vet. You explained how commissaries work very well so the others could understand. Did one of the jerks appear to be military themselves? That's shocking to me that a service member would talk like that to another veteran.

However, I'm assuming the jerk assumed you weren't a veteran and weren't really injured. I know we get some NASTY looks when we pull into the handicapped spots. Now let me point out that I am 31 and hubby is 39. People see us pull into those spots and then get out of their car, walk around to the back of ours and look at our plates! OMGosh! Then, they watch us walk like all injuries are broken legs or something. My hubby's had surgeries on his neck, arms, back and this month is going in for another neck surgery where they will be doing fusing.

I feel so sad for you that this happened :(

TashaB82
by Tootie on May. 3, 2012 at 12:19 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm soo sorry you were treated this way! You deserve all the respect in the world! Unfortunately we live in a world where people are cruel for no reason! Keep on keeping on! Thank you for you sacrifice for our country!

Breezie_Starr
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:25 AM

That is ridiculous!!! I am so sorry, you should NEVER disrespect a person who is disabled, a veteran, AND in line before you. I cannot believe someone of a military family *citizan maybe* would let their child speak to someone like that. I am a military brat myself and I am with someone who is a marine. Even out at walmart if I see someone who is disabled I let them go first even if I have one or two items and they have 60. It doesn't hurt to be kind to someone and for you to wait patiently when you have the opportunity to go ahead of people shows the kind of person you are. Obviously they have no respect for anyone least of all themselves. I am so sorry this happened to you honey :(

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Sekirei
by LoKitty on May. 3, 2012 at 12:33 AM

I am so sorry this happened to you. They were totally out of line. Hugs and love. 

This happened once at the commissary here on Schofield. DH was in uniform and we were behind an older gentleman who was working his way to the h/c register. Two specialists went around the older man (uniform preference) and went to the H/C lane. 

Dh got pretty upset and walked over, toldthem to go back (i am not sure what he said, I was still getting some things.. he was getting his lunch) and get behind him. They argued with him for a moment.. until he pulled rank. The older gentleman ended up buying DH's lunch for him and we helped him out with his stuff.

The younger set are rude and entitled.. I hope I raise my child better.

MsBlueBelle
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:33 AM

The young man was wearing a pink, button down oxford shirt.  We, the arguing, swearing man and his Mom (?) left at the same time.  My faithful bagger, I always have the same guy, remarked I was not in my normal handicap spot, I said it was filled an I parked on the next row over.  Understand there are only four rows of car parking.  When I was leaving I noticed their VERY NON-HANDICAP tags on the huge SUV they were driving and had no signs that a wheelchair, lift or any other device was in use with their car.  I honked my horn, smiled and waved.  The Mom (?) was red as a beet!  I had a nasty airplane accident which left me with severe head trauma which has made living with Parkinson's, Rheumatoid Arthritis, PTSD, MST, and a complete host of other aggravating issues from being exposed to radiation.  Yes, I am one humdinger of a mess.  I am just so happy to be living above ground, I could spit.  Like I said, I have never encountered any rude behavior like this, ever!  I joined the Air Force in 1979, so I have been around the block.  I was also a military brat, so base life is nothing new to me.  Thanks for the support, G-d Bless you all, I will keep you and your dh in my prayers.

bi-polarmommy
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:42 AM

i am not military, and have never been on a base before, but even as non military, IRO if you will, that is just rude and should not happen!

so sorry that happened to you, hopefully tomorrow will be better

armybratmom612
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:50 AM
My husband is ad army and has been for 8 yrs. I have never ever heard of anyone behaving this way at a commissary shoot honestly any where in public on base! I honestly would have had my children's behinds on a platter ready for some discipline. Of course my children also used to my not even entertaining any misbehavior ever from them most especially on ailitady base. That child disgraced his father and needs to learn respect. Unfortunately I am guessing is fathers disability may have left to much time for the child to forget how a military child is expected to behave
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armybratmom612
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:53 AM
Omg they didn't dare do that! Wow I still am put at the front of the line by soldiers especially the fresh from boot camp.


Quoting Sekirei:

I am so sorry this happened to you. They were totally out of line. Hugs and love. 

This happened once at the commissary here on Schofield. DH was in uniform and we were behind an older gentleman who was working his way to the h/c register. Two specialists went around the older man (uniform preference) and went to the H/C lane. 

Dh got pretty upset and walked over, toldthem to go back (i am not sure what he said, I was still getting some things.. he was getting his lunch) and get behind him. They argued with him for a moment.. until he pulled rank. The older gentleman ended up buying DH's lunch for him and we helped him out with his stuff.

The younger set are rude and entitled.. I hope I raise my child better.


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Sekirei
by LoKitty on May. 3, 2012 at 12:57 AM

Some just come out with the 'I'm a badass' attitude and lose their manners. That is the first and only time (so far) that i have heard of it happening (other than MsBlue's post)

that sort of thing pisses me off

Quoting armybratmom612:

Omg they didn't dare do that! Wow I still am put at the front of the line by soldiers especially the fresh from boot camp.


Quoting Sekirei:

I am so sorry this happened to you. They were totally out of line. Hugs and love. 

This happened once at the commissary here on Schofield. DH was in uniform and we were behind an older gentleman who was working his way to the h/c register. Two specialists went around the older man (uniform preference) and went to the H/C lane. 

Dh got pretty upset and walked over, toldthem to go back (i am not sure what he said, I was still getting some things.. he was getting his lunch) and get behind him. They argued with him for a moment.. until he pulled rank. The older gentleman ended up buying DH's lunch for him and we helped him out with his stuff.

The younger set are rude and entitled.. I hope I raise my child better.



MsBlueBelle
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:59 AM

Not that rank means a hill of beans to me, I just like the nice paycheck. lol  But, I did notice that the couples car had a base sticker which reflected they were Enlisted Rank and I am sure they could tell that my base tag was for Officer Rank.  Nothing bad about being Enlisted Rank, I went in as Enlisted, stayed there for many years and then realized that you retire at highest Rank held.  That was a no-brainer for me.  I did the same job, I just got paid more for doing it.  That being said, I have never and will never pull rank on anyone, especially for something as minor as commissary purchases.  I ALWAYS let in uniform Service Members go ahead of me. 

I also let those who have just a few things go ahead, too.  I am sitting down and I do have all the time in the world. 

I have also purchased the groceries for the elderly person in front of me and in back of me.  My bagger knows I do this and he has worked out a signal to let me know who he knows is financially strapped.  I get a kick out of it and I count it as  my good deed of the day.

How much do you pay your bagger?  I pay $25 for my one major shop a month, 10% of the bill for smaller shopping trips.  I also will 'play a game' and dare the bagger to fit all the items in the front seat for $50!  Like I said before, I have a very faithful and wonderful bagger. He watches for me and always asks if I need pet food, he will get those items for me and have them waiting up front at the register for me.

Next week is the case lot sale.  He gets a very nice tip for that, too.  I will buy my one years supply of tp, laundry soap, pasta, Dove bar soap, toothbrushes, etc.  I drop at least $600 on those sales.  But, I will not have to buy basic staples for another year, so it works out great for me because I never know when or if I will be able to get out and shop, my body never lets me know when it will be non-functioning and I like to be prepared for Hurricane season. lol

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