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I Think StepMoms Who Hate on BioMoms Are

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Insecure about their relationships with their husbands. They try to make the ex look like a psycho bitch cuz that pleases their husbands, without thinking that if your husband talks about his ex like that, chances are he speaks of you the same way. 

I also think trying to turn the kids against their parents is pretty f'ing low. If mom/dad is a lowlife, letting them know makes the child feel like they are the same peice of trash.

Kids should never know of the conflicts between parents, nor should they be used as pawns. Doing so damages them, so much!

If step parents were truly out for the best interest of the children (which they should be, being that they entered into a relationship with a person who already had kids), they would not let petty things like haircuts, pickup times, and child support be determining factors in their relationships with their SK's.

I have been on both ends, and know damn well all the shizznit I said about BM was out of anger.



Edit: 

I do realize that BM's often hate on the SM. But, they are hurt and/or angry. They are not insecure, b/c there is nothing to be insecure about. They no longer have an intimate relationship with BD. The SM's I am referring to are the ones who go out of their way to make every single mistake BM makes out to be horrible parenting. The ones who complain about arrears being spent on BM, without thinking that BM already spent her own money to supplement BD's when he wasn't paying. There are good SM's out there. However, if you badmouth your SO's ex for everything, chances are, you are not. 




Edit No 2: Since so many people seem to have missed the point, here. I do not justify BM's being rude and mean to SM's. But, when BM got pregnant, she most likely did not know she would later have to deal with another woman in BD's life. It was just a card that fate dealt her. She got the short end, KWIM? SM, on the other hand, knew exactly what she was getting into when she started dating a man with children. She can't undo the kids or the fact that her SO's ex will always have a relationship with "her man." Which is when most resort to the insults and badmouthing.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 1:09 AM
Replies (161-170):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 8:05 PM

Do you have the slightest clue what arrears means?? Wow.. Please get a dictionary before you go and run your mouth about something you know nothing of. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 She definetly is.  And I know she's just crazy to think that the money should go to the mom.  Obviously that's what she does with it or she wouldn't need to defend it so vigorously.

Quoting AdellesMom:

That's the OP. I think she's one of those bitter BMs that SMs hate. You're right. Child support is for the child, not the mother. CS is only in arrears when a parent has never payed.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 8:08 PM

It was money he should have paid for before. Who cares what she spent it on! Geesh, get over it!! It is child support she had to supplement b/c your irresponsible hsuband didn't pay when he should have. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 Actually yes, no one said for her to spend all her money on the children and if she didn't blow the whole months check she could make it last.  The amount he pays could pay some people's rent.  I don't see how anyone can even dispute this it's not pay mommy back for spending frivously support it's CHILD support.

Quoting Anonymous:

If mom has all her bills paid up, the child has what they need and a few wants from time to time, then mom can spend the money how she sees fit even if it is on a tatoo.  You can't expect that she would pay all the bills and buy all the food and make sure the kid has everything they need in a month before she gets the child support and then just because it's child support she should spend all THAT on a kid too.   

Like the previous poster said BASICALLY  child support give her back part of the money she spent or will spend. 

Sorry it's not cut and dry like everyone thinks.

AdellesMom
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:09 PM
I agree. That money should go to the child, regardless of what the mother has already payed for.

Quoting BJAponte77:

 She definetly is.  And I know she's just crazy to think that the money should go to the mom.  Obviously that's what she does with it or she wouldn't need to defend it so vigorously.


Quoting AdellesMom:

That's the OP. I think she's one of those bitter BMs that SMs hate. You're right. Child support is for the child, not the mother. CS is only in arrears when a parent has never payed.


Quoting BJAponte77:


 Actually anonymous if that is your real name, child support is to support the child.  When we have the our kids we pay our way.  I wouldn't expect her to refund us for that and if she did give us child support I would use it to support the children.  That's the intention.  Using the money for your personal business is not acceptable.  If she was paying bills it would be reasonable, buying a car would be reasonable, you need those for a children.  Buying a tattoo is not.  Yelling at my boyfriend is not ok.  He is not my child or property but he is my man, if you are the kind of girl who doesn't stand up for hers then that's your business but I stand up for those who matter to me and when my boyfriends children's mother is yelling at him for something that has nothing to do with the children I have every right to step in.  I support child support for those who use it for the child.  For example, my mom recieved $12 child support for me in 18 years.  That money went to me, not her.  She still did it on her own which is what you agree to when you choose to have sex like it or not. When someone uses it for themselves, that's not ok.  You said you've been on both ends and if you support using your children's money to support yourself then too bad for them, if not then I see no reason for you to be stirring up the pot with me other than to cause drama.  And you could not walk, you had a reason to bring your child to grandma's.  Bringing your child to grandma's because you can't handle your children and decided to have another one is totally different.  Even if it wasn't, you would send both away not 1.  That sends a horrible message to him that we had to console him about because he didn't understand.  No stick up my ass, just common sense and an aversion to people being really tough behind the anon button..



Quoting Anonymous:



Child support is to refund her for the money she spends on HIS and her kids. It was arrears. She had already used HER money to pay for shit your husband had failed to pay for previously. Whether you like it or not, it is not your decision what she spends it on! WTF. As for yelling at him, I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. He is not your child or property. You have no say over who says what to him. WTF does is matter that she had her son stay at Grandma's after labor? I couldn't walk for days after having my second. You bet the oldest stayed at Grandma's. You should take that stick out, it seems to have been up there too long. 



Quoting BJAponte77:



 I guess it depends on the person.  I don't trash talk my s-kids bio mother but when it's called for I do.  I've talked about her 3x.  Once was when me and her got in a fight because she was yelling at my boyfriend and no one but me and his mama can do that.  The other time was when she got a big child support check from some arears we had to pay back and it was the months of birthdays.  One is the end of march one is beginning of april, she went a bought a tattoo with the money when it's CHILD support.  The last time was when she gave birth to her new baby and sent my step son to live with his grandma for the 1st week she was home and let the daughter stay home because he's hyper and she didn't want to deal with him, FYI he's great with babies and I trust him with my son a LOT.  So I don't talk trash because I hate her, to the contrary when she's normal I like her, I talk trash when she deserves it.






 


 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on May. 3, 2012 at 8:10 PM

i don't bad mouth my ss bm out load to anyone but i am still hurt over the fact that i was married to my dh when she got knocked up in hopes to break up my family.

midnight_storm
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 8:11 PM
Intersting opinion. My dd's sm hasn't been part of our life until dd turned 18. I don't hate her but she's not really someone I'd hang out with as a friend. We have little in common and most times what she says rubs me the wrong way. Since there's no parenting of dd by bd or sm we really don't have the "normal" bp/sp issues though.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 8:11 PM

Did she rape him? 

Quoting Anonymous:

i don't bad mouth my ss bm out load to anyone but i am still hurt over the fact that i was married to my dh when she got knocked up in hopes to break up my family.


AdellesMom
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:12 PM
She supposed to spend it on the CHILD. It's her child too. Not just his chd. They BOTH need to be financially responsible for the child. Besides, even if his CS payments are like reimbursements, the mom should NOT be spending it on herself. That's selfish. She should start a rainy day fund or a college fund. That's what smart parents would do.

Oh, and I'm still waiting for you to answer my question. I see that you like to duck and dodge.


Quoting Anonymous:

It was money he should have paid for before. Who cares what she spent it on! Geesh, get over it!! It is child support she had to supplement b/c your irresponsible hsuband didn't pay when he should have. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 Actually yes, no one said for her to spend all her money on the children and if she didn't blow the whole months check she could make it last.  The amount he pays could pay some people's rent.  I don't see how anyone can even dispute this it's not pay mommy back for spending frivously support it's CHILD support.


Quoting Anonymous:


If mom has all her bills paid up, the child has what they need and a few wants from time to time, then mom can spend the money how she sees fit even if it is on a tatoo.  You can't expect that she would pay all the bills and buy all the food and make sure the kid has everything they need in a month before she gets the child support and then just because it's child support she should spend all THAT on a kid too.   


Like the previous poster said BASICALLY  child support give her back part of the money she spent or will spend. 


Sorry it's not cut and dry like everyone thinks.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BJAponte77
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:12 PM

 I did comprehend and I suppose your edit is partly for me so once again when my kids bm is normal i like her, we took them trick or treating together when it was our day to be nice.  We've given her rides out of our way after picking up our kids, do all the work of transporting the children back and forth and she can't even be bothered to give bd a school picture of his kids.  She lets her boyfriend teach her kids racial slurs like the n-word and how they don't like obama because he's "brown" and jewish things and how germany was great and hitler was a stand up guy when I'm black and bd is jewish and we never complain at them.  We mind our own business.  So when she isn't doing things that are bad for them now or later in life I like her.  On another note...CHILD. Support.  The money would've been better spent on fixing her front steps since she has no stairs leading to her front door and the kids have to use the back door with rickety steps that are about to fall out.  Or fixing the basement my ss has to sleep in since the baby has his old room.  You have no idea what you're talking about.  You are just arguing because you're bitter.  One more time.

CHILD.  Support.

Quoting Anonymous:

LOL. You didn't comprehend, did you??? Arrears are money he already owed her. Money that she had to replace with money of her own. So think of it this way, she made him a loan, he paid her back. What she uses the money on is her business, honey, not yours! OMFG. One week, seriously? You have made a bigger deal of this than even the kid did!! Are you seriously that bored, that you scrutinize her every decision that you don't agree with??

Quoting BJAponte77:

 Actually anonymous if that is your real name, child support is to support the child.  When we have the our kids we pay our way.  I wouldn't expect her to refund us for that and if she did give us child support I would use it to support the children.  That's the intention.  Using the money for your personal business is not acceptable.  If she was paying bills it would be reasonable, buying a car would be reasonable, you need those for a children.  Buying a tattoo is not.  Yelling at my boyfriend is not ok.  He is not my child or property but he is my man, if you are the kind of girl who doesn't stand up for hers then that's your business but I stand up for those who matter to me and when my boyfriends children's mother is yelling at him for something that has nothing to do with the children I have every right to step in.  I support child support for those who use it for the child.  For example, my mom recieved $12 child support for me in 18 years.  That money went to me, not her.  She still did it on her own which is what you agree to when you choose to have sex like it or not. When someone uses it for themselves, that's not ok.  You said you've been on both ends and if you support using your children's money to support yourself then too bad for them, if not then I see no reason for you to be stirring up the pot with me other than to cause drama.  And you could not walk, you had a reason to bring your child to grandma's.  Bringing your child to grandma's because you can't handle your children and decided to have another one is totally different.  Even if it wasn't, you would send both away not 1.  That sends a horrible message to him that we had to console him about because he didn't understand.  No stick up my ass, just common sense and an aversion to people being really tough behind the anon button..

Quoting Anonymous:

Child support is to refund her for the money she spends on HIS and her kids. It was arrears. She had already used HER money to pay for shit your husband had failed to pay for previously. Whether you like it or not, it is not your decision what she spends it on! WTF. As for yelling at him, I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. He is not your child or property. You have no say over who says what to him. WTF does is matter that she had her son stay at Grandma's after labor? I couldn't walk for days after having my second. You bet the oldest stayed at Grandma's. You should take that stick out, it seems to have been up there too long. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 I guess it depends on the person.  I don't trash talk my s-kids bio mother but when it's called for I do.  I've talked about her 3x.  Once was when me and her got in a fight because she was yelling at my boyfriend and no one but me and his mama can do that.  The other time was when she got a big child support check from some arears we had to pay back and it was the months of birthdays.  One is the end of march one is beginning of april, she went a bought a tattoo with the money when it's CHILD support.  The last time was when she gave birth to her new baby and sent my step son to live with his grandma for the 1st week she was home and let the daughter stay home because he's hyper and she didn't want to deal with him, FYI he's great with babies and I trust him with my son a LOT.  So I don't talk trash because I hate her, to the contrary when she's normal I like her, I talk trash when she deserves it.


 


 

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Ireallydontcare
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:12 PM

Broadbrush paint much? I am neither of those things. I am with the father of my children and he only has children with me. However, it is never wise to paint an entire group of people with the same brush. Doesn't make you look very good.

delilahsmom1177
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:13 PM

I agree. I HATE HATE HATE my SS's bio-mom.. But for good reason... Yet my SS is just as much my world as my DD. I love my Charlie Bean and cant wait for our weekends with him. His Bio-mom IS a phyco bitch and well that is why we are currently in court. 

I'm a tattooed,bisexual,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

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