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I Think StepMoms Who Hate on BioMoms Are

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Insecure about their relationships with their husbands. They try to make the ex look like a psycho bitch cuz that pleases their husbands, without thinking that if your husband talks about his ex like that, chances are he speaks of you the same way. 

I also think trying to turn the kids against their parents is pretty f'ing low. If mom/dad is a lowlife, letting them know makes the child feel like they are the same peice of trash.

Kids should never know of the conflicts between parents, nor should they be used as pawns. Doing so damages them, so much!

If step parents were truly out for the best interest of the children (which they should be, being that they entered into a relationship with a person who already had kids), they would not let petty things like haircuts, pickup times, and child support be determining factors in their relationships with their SK's.

I have been on both ends, and know damn well all the shizznit I said about BM was out of anger.



Edit: 

I do realize that BM's often hate on the SM. But, they are hurt and/or angry. They are not insecure, b/c there is nothing to be insecure about. They no longer have an intimate relationship with BD. The SM's I am referring to are the ones who go out of their way to make every single mistake BM makes out to be horrible parenting. The ones who complain about arrears being spent on BM, without thinking that BM already spent her own money to supplement BD's when he wasn't paying. There are good SM's out there. However, if you badmouth your SO's ex for everything, chances are, you are not. 




Edit No 2: Since so many people seem to have missed the point, here. I do not justify BM's being rude and mean to SM's. But, when BM got pregnant, she most likely did not know she would later have to deal with another woman in BD's life. It was just a card that fate dealt her. She got the short end, KWIM? SM, on the other hand, knew exactly what she was getting into when she started dating a man with children. She can't undo the kids or the fact that her SO's ex will always have a relationship with "her man." Which is when most resort to the insults and badmouthing.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 1:09 AM
Replies (201-210):
wirehangers
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:29 AM

To the anonymous poster on page 20 that has the shoe problem,that's nice that you have lots of shoes for that kid. It sucks that she comes over all the time with too small shoes and blisters.If you have tons of shoes for her at your house then why don't you give that kid a f***ing pair to take with her?I know that sounds harsh, but really?What does that say about you if you've continually noticed she has blisters from her shoes and you won't put aside the petty bs and give her a comfortable pair to take home?You don't do it cause you don't want the mom to have anything of yours.She won't "have it",the kid will.I'm not saying to give her a whole new wardrobe but I am saying to put the kids feet first even if you don't think it's fair.The mom may be a psycho,it might be true,I don't know, but wouldn't that be even more of a reason to more than what you think you have to?Just curious,are you a "home wrecker"?Did you have a relaitshonship with him before they split up?If that's the case then you have no one to blame but yourself cause that would mean you chose to put yourself in an ugly situation.Whatever the case may be,either put the kid first and just deal with it or leave.She's not your kid.

Mweddle
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2012 at 12:38 AM

 I agree.  I think that its just low to badmouth a biological parent to a child.  I would never do that to my daughter even though I don't have the highest opinion of her biological mom.  I don't think its good for kids to have to deal with adult immaturity.

Breezie_Starr
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:42 AM

My son's SM goes around talking serious trash about me to anyone who will listen who isn't friends with the both of us *she used to be my best friend*  she used to cheat with XDF for the entire 5 years we were together. Yes I literally HATE my son's SM but I have never once told my DS that nor have I said anything bad about his father. As for his SM she talks badly about me and her own DH to my son.

amanda_mom89
by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:47 AM
What you're talking about OP could describe a stepparent or a bio parent.

Unfortunately there will always be people who can't put the sake of their children or stepchildren over petty arguments.

Do I dislike BM? Some days. It has nothing to do with insecurity. She makes the simplest things difficult and lies when it doesn't even benefit her. But she's a good mom and I want to get along with her so I smile and do my best to make sure everything is fair and calm.


Then when I'm all by myself I drink a glass of wine and get every nasty thought out of my head. Then I list the positives and gear myself up for another day as peacekeeper.

I love my stepdaughter dearly. I don't have to like her mother. She'll never know that though..that's my most closely guarded secret. I don't going around talking about BM to everyone.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on May. 4, 2012 at 12:47 AM
I only hate BM because of the way she hurt my skids. She has them so messed up. She was emotionally abusive to them, didn't speak to them for 5 years. Still doesn't speak to ss, and now oldest SD because she is mad that SD came to Florida to meet our son, her new little brother.

She's just so awful to her own babies in so many ways. I can't comprehend treating children that way.

That, my dear, is why I hate her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2012 at 1:26 AM

I think you didn't quote her. But I know who you are talking about. I agree completely. However, some choose to blind themselves to the fact that mom was picking up the slack for these ladies' SOs. They are so blinded by their hatred and jealousy that they won't, for a second, put themselves in the shoes BM's are in.  

Quoting wirehangers:

I haven't read a lot of these but what I'm seeing from these more recent posts,it looks like your bf chose to have a kid,didn't pay child support for a while,finally did pay,and you are mad that she treated herself to something.I'm sure I missed some things but this is what I'm seeing right now.If what I think has any truth to it then,so what.So a mom did something for herself.If your BF wasn't paying child support for a while then that means he left it all up to her for a while.I wonder if when he wasn't paying did he just assume she would do it ?Did he just assume that child support wasn't urgent cause she'd take care of it ?Sounds like he owes her a thankyou.I treat myself,even to tattoos(they're really cute).My ex pays for most everything and I don't feel guilty when I decide the kids have what they need for the week and I treat myself.I have the kids 24/7,I do everything with them and for them except pay the rent and bills.I didn't choose to keep them 24/7(although I'm relieved they're with me cause he's an alcoholic)He chose to assume I would keep them and we never even talked about it.


wirehangers
by on May. 4, 2012 at 3:08 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

I think you didn't quote her. But I know who you are talking about. I agree completely. However, some choose to blind themselves to the fact that mom was picking up the slack for these ladies' SOs. They are so blinded by their hatred and jealousy that they won't, for a second, put themselves in the shoes BM's are in.  

Quoting wirehangers:

I haven't read a lot of these but what I'm seeing from these more recent posts,it looks like your bf chose to have a kid,didn't pay child support for a while,finally did pay,and you are mad that she treated herself to something.I'm sure I missed some things but this is what I'm seeing right now.If what I think has any truth to it then,so what.So a mom did something for herself.If your BF wasn't paying child support for a while then that means he left it all up to her for a while.I wonder if when he wasn't paying did he just assume she would do it ?Did he just assume that child support wasn't urgent cause she'd take care of it ?Sounds like he owes her a thankyou.I treat myself,even to tattoos(they're really cute).My ex pays for most everything and I don't feel guilty when I decide the kids have what they need for the week and I treat myself.I have the kids 24/7,I do everything with them and for them except pay the rent and bills.I didn't choose to keep them 24/7(although I'm relieved they're with me cause he's an alcoholic)He chose to assume I would keep them and we never even talked about it.

Yeah I forgot to quote the posts I was replying to.I was tired and was posting between errands.I think being tired and forgetting seems to be my specialty lately.I did go back to quote the shoe girl's post but I think it's been removed or I'm tired and overlooking things again LOL.My posts might seem pro birth mom but I've been on both sides of it and I think I'm a lot older  and have a little more life experience than some of these girls so I'm just trying to post another way of looking at situations.LOL I  just had to go back and  edit this post! See what I mean,except for my  outward appearance you'd think I was 60 and not 40


ButtercupL1129
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:12 PM

I think BMs who hate SMs are jealous because they know their child is going to grow up loving the "other mom"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 7, 2012 at 9:09 PM

I used to get support.  $180 a month.  Which is shit for CS.  However, that's what I got.   I supported my daughter until the check came in.  Then that check was mine to do as I saw fit with because I support my kid and the money there is to help in supporting my kid.  If my kid is supported I can do what I want with that money.

It doesn't matter how much money it is.   If the kids are supported with her money until that check comes in and everything is taken care of she can do what she wants with it.   

If she is supporting them fully until that check gets there she can do what she wants with it.  It is officially money to pay back the mother? No.   However, since SHE is raising the kids obviously paying for everything until the child support gets there that is basically what it's doing. 

I don't see what the issues is of what she does with the money if the kids are supported have things they need and are being well cared for.  How she spends the money is really her business.   No matter how she spends it as long as the kids are being taken care of that's how it's going to be.  If she's neglecting the children's needs then someone needs to take her to court for custody or report her for neglect.

Quoting BJAponte77:

 Actually yes, no one said for her to spend all her money on the children and if she didn't blow the whole months check she could make it last.  The amount he pays could pay some people's rent.  I don't see how anyone can even dispute this it's not pay mommy back for spending frivously support it's CHILD support.

Quoting Anonymous:

If mom has all her bills paid up, the child has what they need and a few wants from time to time, then mom can spend the money how she sees fit even if it is on a tatoo.  You can't expect that she would pay all the bills and buy all the food and make sure the kid has everything they need in a month before she gets the child support and then just because it's child support she should spend all THAT on a kid too.   

Like the previous poster said BASICALLY  child support give her back part of the money she spent or will spend. 

Sorry it's not cut and dry like everyone thinks.

Quoting BJAponte77:

 Actually anonymous if that is your real name, child support is to support the child.  When we have the our kids we pay our way.  I wouldn't expect her to refund us for that and if she did give us child support I would use it to support the children.  That's the intention.  Using the money for your personal business is not acceptable.  If she was paying bills it would be reasonable, buying a car would be reasonable, you need those for a children.  Buying a tattoo is not.  Yelling at my boyfriend is not ok.  He is not my child or property but he is my man, if you are the kind of girl who doesn't stand up for hers then that's your business but I stand up for those who matter to me and when my boyfriends children's mother is yelling at him for something that has nothing to do with the children I have every right to step in.  I support child support for those who use it for the child.  For example, my mom recieved $12 child support for me in 18 years.  That money went to me, not her.  She still did it on her own which is what you agree to when you choose to have sex like it or not. When someone uses it for themselves, that's not ok.  You said you've been on both ends and if you support using your children's money to support yourself then too bad for them, if not then I see no reason for you to be stirring up the pot with me other than to cause drama.  And you could not walk, you had a reason to bring your child to grandma's.  Bringing your child to grandma's because you can't handle your children and decided to have another one is totally different.  Even if it wasn't, you would send both away not 1.  That sends a horrible message to him that we had to console him about because he didn't understand.  No stick up my ass, just common sense and an aversion to people being really tough behind the anon button..

Quoting Anonymous:

Child support is to refund her for the money she spends on HIS and her kids. It was arrears. She had already used HER money to pay for shit your husband had failed to pay for previously. Whether you like it or not, it is not your decision what she spends it on! WTF. As for yelling at him, I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. He is not your child or property. You have no say over who says what to him. WTF does is matter that she had her son stay at Grandma's after labor? I couldn't walk for days after having my second. You bet the oldest stayed at Grandma's. You should take that stick out, it seems to have been up there too long. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 I guess it depends on the person.  I don't trash talk my s-kids bio mother but when it's called for I do.  I've talked about her 3x.  Once was when me and her got in a fight because she was yelling at my boyfriend and no one but me and his mama can do that.  The other time was when she got a big child support check from some arears we had to pay back and it was the months of birthdays.  One is the end of march one is beginning of april, she went a bought a tattoo with the money when it's CHILD support.  The last time was when she gave birth to her new baby and sent my step son to live with his grandma for the 1st week she was home and let the daughter stay home because he's hyper and she didn't want to deal with him, FYI he's great with babies and I trust him with my son a LOT.  So I don't talk trash because I hate her, to the contrary when she's normal I like her, I talk trash when she deserves it.


 


 


AllieReed
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:32 PM

Ummm...I don't think you can generalize the topic in this way. I didn't have a problem with BM until she flat out neglected my SD after her OWN SON raped & molested her.

I am a BM & a SD myself, so I have experience in just about every aspect of mixed families. You have some very good points, but there are always exceptions.

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