Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Think StepMoms Who Hate on BioMoms Are

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Insecure about their relationships with their husbands. They try to make the ex look like a psycho bitch cuz that pleases their husbands, without thinking that if your husband talks about his ex like that, chances are he speaks of you the same way. 

I also think trying to turn the kids against their parents is pretty f'ing low. If mom/dad is a lowlife, letting them know makes the child feel like they are the same peice of trash.

Kids should never know of the conflicts between parents, nor should they be used as pawns. Doing so damages them, so much!

If step parents were truly out for the best interest of the children (which they should be, being that they entered into a relationship with a person who already had kids), they would not let petty things like haircuts, pickup times, and child support be determining factors in their relationships with their SK's.

I have been on both ends, and know damn well all the shizznit I said about BM was out of anger.



Edit: 

I do realize that BM's often hate on the SM. But, they are hurt and/or angry. They are not insecure, b/c there is nothing to be insecure about. They no longer have an intimate relationship with BD. The SM's I am referring to are the ones who go out of their way to make every single mistake BM makes out to be horrible parenting. The ones who complain about arrears being spent on BM, without thinking that BM already spent her own money to supplement BD's when he wasn't paying. There are good SM's out there. However, if you badmouth your SO's ex for everything, chances are, you are not. 




Edit No 2: Since so many people seem to have missed the point, here. I do not justify BM's being rude and mean to SM's. But, when BM got pregnant, she most likely did not know she would later have to deal with another woman in BD's life. It was just a card that fate dealt her. She got the short end, KWIM? SM, on the other hand, knew exactly what she was getting into when she started dating a man with children. She can't undo the kids or the fact that her SO's ex will always have a relationship with "her man." Which is when most resort to the insults and badmouthing.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 1:09 AM
Replies (21-30):
GoneBad31
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:30 AM

I thought the same about DF's ex, that she couldn't be THAT bad, but I saw first hand that she really is. She has pulled some insane things, but after the initial shock we move on and ignore it. Hating her only makes our relationship with DFs girls more stressed and it is not healthy for them.

Quoting LiliM:

I am a SM.  I cannot stand the BM I deal with.

Nor should any sane person.

She is the only parent.  The dads, because there are multiple kids with multiple dads and multiple divorces in her life story - are not needed for anything other than a wallet.  They all fall for her bullshit of the meanie ex - and then she hatches a kid with them, and drops them, and bam!  They are now the big meanie with the new guy helping her beat down the latest old guy.

I would not respect, like, or associate with her if I knew of her through work, or socially.  She's a hateful person, and all the kids are screwed.

And in all fairness, when I met DH, I thought he was just being pissed at his ex.  I figured she really couldn't be that bad.

I was wrong.  She was worse. 

So DH and I have built up a wall against the crazy invading our home in search of money.  If that makes me the mean ol' SM, so be it.  The skid is one member of the family,  I am not utilizing all the family's material and emotional resources for one member.  The other members need to be considered also.

Although in one way, perhaps you are correct.  Perhaps it does have to do with my concern over my relationship with my DH.  Because I was not going to allow someone I didn't fuck, reproduce with, or even know, at that point, have a focal point in my marriage and home.  There are two people in this marriage and head of home, and she isn't one.

Contrary to her thought process, LOL.


I am a *don't really give a damn what you think* and *couldn't care less how you discipline and feed your kids/babies* and *pro-mind your own business* type of mom. Oh, and a very devoted and loving girlfriend:)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 1:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Poor kids. And yes, if that child has such a bad mom, there SHOULD be more efforts "utilized" on him/her. You knew the mess you were getting into before you got married. You can't decide to let one kid have a shitty life because it's inconvenient to you to try. And if your husband agrees with you, it is a damn shame. Contrary to your beliefs, that child should be your husband's first priority, even over you.

Quoting LiliM:

I am a SM.  I cannot stand the BM I deal with.

Nor should any sane person.

She is the only parent.  The dads, because there are multiple kids with multiple dads and multiple divorces in her life story - are not needed for anything other than a wallet.  They all fall for her bullshit of the meanie ex - and then she hatches a kid with them, and drops them, and bam!  They are now the big meanie with the new guy helping her beat down the latest old guy.

I would not respect, like, or associate with her if I knew of her through work, or socially.  She's a hateful person, and all the kids are screwed.

And in all fairness, when I met DH, I thought he was just being pissed at his ex.  I figured she really couldn't be that bad.

I was wrong.  She was worse. 

So DH and I have built up a wall against the crazy invading our home in search of money.  If that makes me the mean ol' SM, so be it.  The skid is one member of the family,  I am not utilizing all the family's material and emotional resources for one member.  The other members need to be considered also.

Although in one way, perhaps you are correct.  Perhaps it does have to do with my concern over my relationship with my DH.  Because I was not going to allow someone I didn't fuck, reproduce with, or even know, at that point, have a focal point in my marriage and home.  There are two people in this marriage and head of home, and she isn't one.

Contrary to her thought process, LOL.


mom2cheesebug
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I hate bio mom with every ounce of me. She leaves Sk's with a woman who got her children taken away for child abuse, thats her full time babysitter, even after SO had offered to pay for daycare.

She has hit SO in the fac while holding their one year old DD, he dropped her because if he hadnt she would of hit her DD. Luckly she was squezzing him tight and just slid down his leg. BM and SO got into an argument while i was at work so she came to my work and tried to get me fired.

When i got pregnant she told me she hoped i would miscarry and that i don't deserve a child. Now she tells SK's that they don't have a baby sister and their dad is not my DD's dad.

She told SS's preschool teacher and some of the parents that i was stupid bimbo and she was sleeping with my SO in my bed behind my back, all because SS missed the bus so i took him to school and they made me sign a paper saying i was dropping him off.

She has called CPS on me for no reason and tried to get my DD taken away from me. She has spied on us and shows up at our family events, making me leave to avoid drama. She yells at the SK's for talking abou their sister or for hugging or kissing her in front of their mom when she is the one who shows up uninvited to my house and seems to think she can hang out in my yard and play with the kids, ignoring my DD and telling the kids to come to her when they try to play with her in MY yard.

I have never said one bad word about her in front of my Sk's, i always just take my DD and leave, even if its at my own house, i will take DD and go for a ride to cool off until she is gone. I don't want my SK's to see me kick her off my property or beat her to a bloody pulp.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 1:36 AM
3 moms liked this

Child support is to refund her for the money she spends on HIS and her kids. It was arrears. She had already used HER money to pay for shit your husband had failed to pay for previously. Whether you like it or not, it is not your decision what she spends it on! WTF. As for yelling at him, I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. He is not your child or property. You have no say over who says what to him. WTF does is matter that she had her son stay at Grandma's after labor? I couldn't walk for days after having my second. You bet the oldest stayed at Grandma's. You should take that stick out, it seems to have been up there too long. 

Quoting BJAponte77:

 I guess it depends on the person.  I don't trash talk my s-kids bio mother but when it's called for I do.  I've talked about her 3x.  Once was when me and her got in a fight because she was yelling at my boyfriend and no one but me and his mama can do that.  The other time was when she got a big child support check from some arears we had to pay back and it was the months of birthdays.  One is the end of march one is beginning of april, she went a bought a tattoo with the money when it's CHILD support.  The last time was when she gave birth to her new baby and sent my step son to live with his grandma for the 1st week she was home and let the daughter stay home because he's hyper and she didn't want to deal with him, FYI he's great with babies and I trust him with my son a LOT.  So I don't talk trash because I hate her, to the contrary when she's normal I like her, I talk trash when she deserves it.


happynugget6
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:37 AM
I've never meet a good step mom.im sure they exist, but my 2 step moms were awful, my current sm is crazy psycho. Other step moms I've meet are mean and crazy. Again please know im not saying all step moms are like this. Just the ones I've had the displeasure of meeting
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 3, 2012 at 1:37 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

TOTALLY 100% AGREE!  WAY TO GO MAMA!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 1:39 AM
1 mom liked this

LOL. Because their kids' dads are amazing men, right? Maybe if men were held more accountable for their hand in creating that psycho-bitch, their wives wouldn't be so naive and talk so much trash!

Quoting AdellesMom:

That made no sense. Many bio-moms are psycho bitches!


LiliM
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 1:39 AM

Nope.

I sure as hell didn't know the mess I was getting into.  No one does, until they are in it, and that is one of those tired old saws hurled at SMs who don't choose to live with crazy.  All the divorced people I know, including my parents, are civil, normal, and sane.  And they love their kids more than they ever hated one one another.

That whole fight harder thing -again, whatever.  When you have dropped 20k on continuous custody shit, and I am not even on the harsh side of the legal battle, and the judge tells your DH that he is being mean to mom because he has complained that the teen kid is being arrested more than once for underage drinking and failing out of school and living with one of the SF and not with her parent - then you can talk to me about utilizing all resources.

The courts gave that kid to mom.  DH tried for years to get just the CO followed, to get his time with his kid.  Custody?  Wasn't happening.  CPS cleared her.  The judge agreed - she made poor decisions, but wasn't a bad parent.

DH was told he was not good enough to have custody, because she was mom, and mom was better even with all the bad shit that was going on.

LOL.  My DH and I are the priority relationship with one another.  Kids are easy - we love them unconditionally, they love us unconditionally.  The marriage is the relationship that is not bonded with blood and natural drive - it is a relationship of choice, and thus, the one that needs the most tending, because it is the one in the family that is not based in genetics.  But go ahead, believe that kids come before your DH.  It's everyone's right to believe what they want.  I don't think that, and my DH doesn't either. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Poor kids. And yes, if that child has such a bad mom, there SHOULD be more efforts "utilized" on him/her. You knew the mess you were getting into before you got married. You can't decide to let one kid have a shitty life because it's inconvenient to you to try. And if your husband agrees with you, it is a damn shame. Contrary to your beliefs, that child should be your husband's first priority, even over you.

Quoting LiliM:

I am a SM.  I cannot stand the BM I deal with.

Nor should any sane person.

She is the only parent.  The dads, because there are multiple kids with multiple dads and multiple divorces in her life story - are not needed for anything other than a wallet.  They all fall for her bullshit of the meanie ex - and then she hatches a kid with them, and drops them, and bam!  They are now the big meanie with the new guy helping her beat down the latest old guy.

I would not respect, like, or associate with her if I knew of her through work, or socially.  She's a hateful person, and all the kids are screwed.

And in all fairness, when I met DH, I thought he was just being pissed at his ex.  I figured she really couldn't be that bad.

I was wrong.  She was worse. 

So DH and I have built up a wall against the crazy invading our home in search of money.  If that makes me the mean ol' SM, so be it.  The skid is one member of the family,  I am not utilizing all the family's material and emotional resources for one member.  The other members need to be considered also.

Although in one way, perhaps you are correct.  Perhaps it does have to do with my concern over my relationship with my DH.  Because I was not going to allow someone I didn't fuck, reproduce with, or even know, at that point, have a focal point in my marriage and home.  There are two people in this marriage and head of home, and she isn't one.

Contrary to her thought process, LOL.



Grumpylilpixy
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:39 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't hate bio moms but I hate the stupid chihuahua at my door scratching because she wants to come in and chit in my house when I try to find her  a home she bites people who try to handle her so I am only left with keeping her outside Or taking her to the pound. SORRY had to get that off my chest.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 3, 2012 at 1:40 AM

Maybe he was still sleeping with his wife when you got involved with him?

Quoting newmommy52012:

What do you mean something he's not telling me?? He tells me everything & yes I was. They were going through a divorce 3 years ago & we dated while he was still married but going through a divorce, that made me the other womAn. yes,my bad, It's 12:30am, I'm extremly tired from lack of sleep & I still can't sleep. Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

Were you the "other womAn?" maybe there's something he's not telling you?

Quoting newmommy52012:

WELL...I'm not a step mom yet BUT I never used to hate my BF ex wife, but she has ALWAYS hated me because I'm the "other women"  3 years & counting. I never hated her, never had a reason to, but then a few weeks back she texted my BF saying our soon to be son was a bastard child & all this crap that was VERY low & immature stuff. We were both livid, but fighting wont solve anything or make anything better.

I want to be nice because that's the adult thing to do, but I can't, so I just don't say anything.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN