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13y/o texted naked pic to a boy yesterday.. *EDITx3 Had the talk..

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 and I am devastated..and beyond dissapointed in her. I feel like a failure. I thought we taught her better then that and can't believe she did something so stupid. Thankfully he doesn't go to her school and lives an hour away but all it takes is one share and it's everywhere.. She doesn't know that we know yet. I have her phone and we will deactivate text/internet from it. She can't take the laptop upstairs anyway but there will be no internet/camera/etc access allowed upstairs period. I found the boy on FB and there is nothing bad between them on there (I have her login). His parents are on there, should we contact them and pray they will talk with him and delete it? How else can we make her realize how serious this is??

I certainly made stupid mistakes as a teenager but I could really use an instruction manual right about now.. So glad summer is coming up soon and we'll get to spend 24/7 joined at the hip. We plan to talk to her tonight after the little ones are in bed.

EDIT: First I want to thank everyone for the support & advice offered. I know how the bashfests work around here so it was a relief to see so much postive advice on what we should do now. There's apparently more to it. This started LAST week, I read their entire text history.with him and she has sent 3 pics of this nature.  Turns out he has sent one back. You can't see everything on him but damn near close enough. There are laws where she AND he can be charged with possession and/or distribution of child porn so we do not plan to contact the police unless absolutely necessary. And if it ended up on any other source than their phones anyone who owns that could be in trouble as well. The 2 have never met in person and thankfully live an hour appart. He goes to school with her best friend who moved away. He did talk about how nosey his parents were and so forth so I hope that means they will be understanding and cooperative with deleting all pics. Especially since there is one of their son as well. They scary part is while searching for laws and such on this I came across 3 young girls who hung themselves after doing this same thing :( One 16y/o boy who got mad at his gf shared the pics and now has to register as a sex offender until he is 48 years old! We are going to be brutally honest with her about how dissapointed we are, how serious this is, the consequences of what could happen to her & him (even us parents) and then punishment phase. Life is pretty much going to suck for her for quite some time.

Trying to run through replies here...Yes, she's 13 and has a FB but nothing bad was done through there. I have always had her login for it anyway. And she knows we have all access to her phone so wth was she thinking!? Also, her phone came with camera, etc and we don't pay anything extra for hers. The plan now is to deactivate everything but phone call capability on her phone. No computer/internet access. I am about to msg the boy's mom through FB (only way I know how since I don't know where they live or ph#'s). I will update again after I hear back from them..assuming I will.

Edit 2: I msged the Mom on FB a couple hours or so ago, 1st just to confirm that she is his mom. She has no profile pic and her page is pretty private. That would be pretty akward if she wasn't so I didn't want to put what's going in the msg..I did say it was concerning him & our daughter and was pretty urgent. Still waiting to hear back from her :\ Also, I forgot to post earlier how we found out about this to begin with. She had gotten into trouble recently for texting during school and then past her cut-off time at night so her Dad got her phone this a.m. to see who it was and this is what found. He saw the pic because it was next to the last thing she sent. I went through the entire history and saw the rest.

Edit 3: That was a LONG day. I never did hear back from the boys Mom.. We finally talked to DD at about 8 last night. We kinda sat there for a minute not knowing where to begin. Dad asked her if she knew why we were there and she started bawling. It wasn't an I got busted, she was so ashamed of what she'd done. I asked her if she knew what child porn was, how she & even he could get in big trouble over it. Not just slap on the wrist grounded kind of trouble.. Talked about how teen boys generally have one thing on their mind, how she needs to respect herself & her body, about it takes him sharing it once if not already. We wiped her cell entirely so she lost everything she had in it and it's taken away. We changed the wifi pw so she can't access internet/skype whatever at home. Unfortunately her school is based almost entirely on technology (they don't use books much, mostly ipads, etc) so we told her we'll have to trust her not to access that at school..FB will be deactivated. Then we had her call the boy and ask for his parents ph#. You could hear him ask why and she said I just need it..then you could hear the fear in his voice. He gave her his dad's cell. Hubby called and introduced himself and said our DD & their son had been exchanging pics on their phones. His dad said "I think they call that sexting these days"..I find that an odd response to be blindsided with somethign like this but the conversation went pretty well. Hubby told the dad DD is only 13, turned out the boy is almost 16.... The Dad said he'd do the same with their sons phone. I'll be honest I didn't sleep well, I kept thinking of those 3 girls I read about who hung themselves after doing this and had to keep cking on DD. The whole thing did go a lot "better" then I thought it would, her Dad gave her a huge hug and told her how much more he wants for her, loves her and just doesn't want her to get hurt. That there's plenty of time for boy stuff when she's older.

Someone asked about the pics, She's standing facing frontwards in 2 of them totally naked, One she has her arm across her belly and the other thankfully something on the counter is kind of blocking the view. The other she's sideways so you can see some of top but not bottom, just tell that she is naked though. All are from a good 6ft away.

 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 10:58 AM
Replies (51-60):
JC2223
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 11:45 AM

 I totally agree with you that talking to his parents should be their first priority, but it needs to be done NOW. I actually feel serious anxiety about this. Each passing minute that goes by is one more minute there was an opportunity for the pic to be distributed again and all hell to break loose. CM is the last place I would be with this going on if I was the OP. 

Quoting baquick:

I see what your saying, but I believe she should talk to the boys parents first. They may take care of it properly. At least give them the chance.

Eta: I def agree action needs to be taken ASAP. in case that wasn't clear. Lmao.


Quoting JC2223:

 The problem is that if the OP doesn't act on this immediately and do MAJOR damage control...the cops may find out on their own and then it's out of everyone's hands. If that boy shows it to just one person, all bets are off. This is a felony and the police can not overlook it.


Quoting baquick:

Very well said. She needs to consider all sides of this before bringing the law in.

A charge like that can seriously mess with her ability to get into a good college or jobs.



Quoting areles:

The problem is that the cops aren't usually 'understanding' in a case like this. OP would be reporting that her daughter distributed child porn. She would be turning her kid in, and the other kid for receiving it. What are the cops supposed to do with that? sure, they might say 'aww, don't worry about it, just tell the boy to delete it,' but I'm not quite sure how they can overlook a felony. Plus, she also risks the cops overlooking her daughter's part but coming down on that boy like a ton of bricks, which would be horrifyingly unfair.

Not a risk I would take, ever. EVER.



Quoting couponluv72:


what if he has already shared it. honestly i would not risk not reporting the occurence. the children do not have to have their lives ruined. coming forward usually leads to just a severe reprimand. the OP could call the police and as if something like this happened what should she do as an inquiring parent. 


Quoting areles:

...which is why she should let the boy's parents know, so they can ensure it's deleted from his phone (and comp, if he downloaded it).






Quoting couponluv72:


if the police find out independanly of the nake pic peeps will be in seriously hot water. you realize that.


Quoting areles:

OP's daughter sent it, couponluv72.





And no one has to report anything to the police, and would be ridiculous for doing so. 'Let's ruin our kids' lives over a nudie pic!' No way.





Yes, OP, let the parents know. As mentioned everywhere, he can get in trouble for child porn.





Went through this with my son... girls have been sending him nude pics for years. We've had the child porn discussion several times. :/









Quoting couponluv72:


you have to report it to the police you know. if you dont you risk being charged with recieving child porn, i kid you not. and obvously her parents have to be notified. you did not fail, her parents did





 




 





 

 

momma2mms
by Kristin on May. 3, 2012 at 11:46 AM

I would contact his parents. If he is caught with the pics he could be charged with child pornography. His parents need to delete it and be 100% sure no one else saw it. Oh my... I would be so sad too. Kids do make mistakes, I just hope she learns from this.

areles
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Emphatically agreed.


Quoting JC2223:

 I totally agree with you that talking to his parents should be their first priority, but it needs to be done NOW. I actually feel serious anxiety about this. Each passing minute that goes by is one more minute there was an opportunity for the pic to be distributed again and all hell to break loose. CM is the last place I would be with this going on if I was the OP. 


Quoting baquick:

I see what your saying, but I believe she should talk to the boys parents first. They may take care of it properly. At least give them the chance.

Eta: I def agree action needs to be taken ASAP. in case that wasn't clear. Lmao.



Quoting JC2223:


 The problem is that if the OP doesn't act on this immediately and do MAJOR damage control...the cops may find out on their own and then it's out of everyone's hands. If that boy shows it to just one person, all bets are off. This is a felony and the police can not overlook it.



Quoting baquick:

Very well said. She needs to consider all sides of this before bringing the law in.

A charge like that can seriously mess with her ability to get into a good college or jobs.




Quoting areles:

The problem is that the cops aren't usually 'understanding' in a case like this. OP would be reporting that her daughter distributed child porn. She would be turning her kid in, and the other kid for receiving it. What are the cops supposed to do with that? sure, they might say 'aww, don't worry about it, just tell the boy to delete it,' but I'm not quite sure how they can overlook a felony. Plus, she also risks the cops overlooking her daughter's part but coming down on that boy like a ton of bricks, which would be horrifyingly unfair.

Not a risk I would take, ever. EVER.




Quoting couponluv72:



what if he has already shared it. honestly i would not risk not reporting the occurence. the children do not have to have their lives ruined. coming forward usually leads to just a severe reprimand. the OP could call the police and as if something like this happened what should she do as an inquiring parent. 



Quoting areles:

...which is why she should let the boy's parents know, so they can ensure it's deleted from his phone (and comp, if he downloaded it).







Quoting couponluv72:



if the police find out independanly of the nake pic peeps will be in seriously hot water. you realize that.



Quoting areles:

OP's daughter sent it, couponluv72.





And no one has to report anything to the police, and would be ridiculous for doing so. 'Let's ruin our kids' lives over a nudie pic!' No way.





Yes, OP, let the parents know. As mentioned everywhere, he can get in trouble for child porn.





Went through this with my son... girls have been sending him nude pics for years. We've had the child porn discussion several times. :/










Quoting couponluv72:



you have to report it to the police you know. if you dont you risk being charged with recieving child porn, i kid you not. and obvously her parents have to be notified. you did not fail, her parents did






 





 






 


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FooLynRoo
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:02 PM

HER daughter sent the nude picture

IF OP goes to the police

HER daughter will be arrested and jailed for distributing child porn.

DO try to read

Quoting couponluv72:

you have to report it to the police you know. if you dont you risk being charged with recieving child porn, i kid you not. and obvously her parents have to be notified. you did not fail, her parents did


                                          http://whatthefoolynroo.blogspot.com

FooLynRoo
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

OP like many of the other women said.

Run do not walk directly to this childs home - wherever he is.

Talk with his parent(s).

I am positive they will understand and be quick to make sure the image is removed from their sons possession.

I have an 18 year old son - with technology today - it is a risk we ALL take with our love sick teens. Don't feel too bad but protect your daughter and protect this kid and squash this material ASAP - as reasonably and quietly as you can.

Then your daughter should have 0 access to phones or computers with cameras.

shivasgirl
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:28 PM

 I am so glad my now 24 yr old son (today is his bday!!!) has very little to do with the computer...now I just have to keep an eye on my three young kids,,,OP, sorry your dd did this, I have nothing else to add except good luck

PrincesMermaid
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:13 PM

Facebook has an age requirement for a reason.

Quoting Mazie0723:

My 12 yr old has fb. But its very closely monitored.

Quoting PrincesMermaid:

Shaking my head. WHY OH WHY does she have a facebook account at that age?!


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 1:15 PM

*hugs* I think you have started dealing with this very well.
I would contact the parents of the boy and let them know what happened and what you are doing about it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2012 at 1:24 PM


Quoting 2cupsofcoffee:

what did he do wrong?  if he's done something illegal then the police need to be notified.

they can both be charged with charges relating to distributing or possesing child pornography

piscesmom3
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:35 PM

I know you all may think I am young and careless however I have taken a nude shot and sent it to my man but I think as adults we all know you never show you face.

Now as for an issue with a child tell them the repercussions for there actions and how fast word spreads. If it were my daughter I would...

1. Not tell her Father!

2. Contact the boys parents and have them delete it and also tell them talk to there son

3. Talk to your daughter, maybe she is lacking attention from you and is seeking it else where. Tell her the wrongs about it. I am a liberal kind of person and I would discuss that pictures like these never show your face and only share them with a man you are in a serious committed relationship with when you are an ADULT.

4. Take away her phone for a week. "summer is coming up soon and we'll get to spend 24/7 joined at the hip. " That statement worries me a little. I understand you want to keep tabs on her but don't over do it you are only going to push her away. Trust takes time but don't over do it.

5. Monitor her phone when she is not around.

You can agree with me or not but this is my opinion.

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