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I think my marriage is over... =( NOT a troll post!! Help! No bashing please!!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

So we have been together for 5 years... I never minded where he went, and he never minded where I went as long as we were up front with each other and respected each other, and also kept in touch.. even if it was a short text to say hi..    In the last week, he has gone to the bar 3 times already.. NEVER texts me anymore, has been ignoring a bunch of phone calls on his phone that he says are 800 numbers, and yesterday took the cake.. I lost my trust for my husband and he is blaming me for everything!!!! He called me and said he had to go to his other warehouse to pick up carpet while driving his car.. he went out of the way to tell me he had to drive his car!! Becuase I drive by his job on my way to work.. have to.. that's the only road over the train tracks.. He tells his mom who has to watch our 3 kids he had to wait at the warehouse he was already at to unload carpet...   Then my sister in law calls... my husband was tagged on facebook at the bar... Being that he has been sneaky lately, I drove by the bar on the way to work and saw his car there... I waited for him to come out.  He says to me he went in to ask his buddy why he tagged him!!  RIIIIIIGHTTTT>>>>>> So fast forward to me coming home from work.. I tell him I am not ready to talk becuase I did not want to fight with him.. he freaks out on me.. tells me I am throwing away our marriage. that its my fault he has been going out all the time!! I tried to explain to him I am not ok with lies.. he says after I ask him... that he is a grown man and was asked to go to the bar so he went, but two sentences later, he says I only went to ask dude why he tagged me!!! MAKE UP YOUR FRIGGIN MIND AND STOP LYING TO ME!!!!!  I am beginning to think drugs or another woman are involved.. I have no idea what to do.. I do not want to lose him but I feel like if his lies don't stop I will....  Please give me advice WITHOUT bashing!!!! I am a wreck!!!!! =(

Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2012 at 8:42 AM
Replies (31-40):
by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I definitely wouldn't sweep this one under the rug.. what ever the deal is hopefully you can get to the bottom of it  :\  it sounds fishy to me.

Quoting Anonymous:

Exactly.. I asked him last night why he had to go to the bar to ask instead of asking his coworker today at work!! He says he is a grown man and will do what he wants!!!

Quoting 2littledaisies:

He went to the bar to ask why he was tagged? He couldn't friggin call the dude or text him? that's a load of crap and a super lame ass excuse. 

by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:28 AM
I know, I swear men are retarded! I don't fight with mine either I just ignore him till he's in a better mood. He wasn't this way with our first either.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it would have been easier to handle had he done these things with our first.. not last!! Thank you...

Quoting MrsJHoward:

Just because he is going to the bar doesn't mean he a a women on the side, they usually don't meet them in public where they can be "tagged". I'm also pregnant and my husband has been going threw a funk as well, snapping at me and all the like. Honestly he sounds like he is also overwhelmed. He could be having a rough time at work and not want to bother you about it and or worried about the upcoming new baby. Men get wigged out about pregnancies, planned or not. Good luck girl, I'm here if you want to PM.

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by :::Achtung::: on May. 4, 2012 at 10:31 AM
Nothing annoys me more than people who lie. I refuse to lie, I like telling the truth, even if the consequences are harsh. I like feeling at peace that I didn't do any wrong. But living with people who are sneaky and lie, it erodes a peaceful existence. It is hard to ever trust them.
by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:43 AM
I wish I had advise. I hope you can work through it and he opens up. Lying is a for sure way to ruin something great. And he is only mad at you because he was 'caught'. But just calmly talk about it with him. No blame. Maybe that will help him come clean. Good luck.
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:04 AM

I do not think a marriage can work if you dont take time for each other.  I know its hard when you have to work and you have kids but you need to find something.  When our kids were babies we would take time to go for walks and bike rides.  TV is not as social so you need to find something to do that encourages you to interact, not discourages.

When our kids were pre school age we joined a pokemon league.  I know its nerdy, but we are a family of nerds so bear with me- its about the concept, not the activity.  Once a week we play at our "gym" (comic book shop) and it is free.  About 50 other people of all ages show up and we battle each other.  On weekends we have tournaments and there are prizes.  Its all free.  This weekend is a prerelease of new cards so we pay $25 got 10 decks (normally $4 per deck at target) and play each other there.  It is little to no money to get started and we really enjoy it.  When the kids go to bed my husband and I sit and play each other.  Its free, something we enjoy and its a quiet time to talk.

I have been with this man over 20 years and we bring energy and life to each other with new and fun things to do.  Its how you keep marriage fresh and fun.  TV will suck the life out of your marriage and your life. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly, not much right now.. He works crazy hours during the day and sometimes weekends and I work nights and weekends... We sit down together and watch some of our fave shows on dvr when we can but with the kids so young, we cannot do much. No one to watch them even if we had the time..

Quoting NDADanceMom:

What do you do together?  What hobbies do you have in common?

My husband and I golf, play disk golf, belong to a card club, hike and cook together.  We develop our skills together, encourage each other and explore new things together.  It is how we remain friends after over 2o years together. 

by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:12 AM

Quoting Anonymous:

Never... He knows his limits. I hope to work on it!!!

Quoting Jessiejem:


Quoting Anonymous:

it seems like once I got pregnant with our last addition, I am 14 weeks today, that he totally changed.  We planned this baby. I have been a bit uneasy to deal with but I have been explaining why and trying to get better.. I was sick for a while, very moody, I am 10,000% overwhelmed right now.. I tell him this and he runs to the bar... that's what it seems like.. =(

Has there been alcohol abuse in the past? Sounds like he is overwhelmed too , and acting like a damm child. I would sit him down and have a talk with him about working on your marriage since there are children involved.


I hope so too, good luck

by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Next time you see his car at the bar, go in and see what hes doing and see who he is talking to.
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:27 AM

I probably would have just walked into the bar sat down next to him. You have that right, talk to the people he is there with. If he asks you why you are there say, I wanted to see what was so amazing about this place. It is obviously pretty amazing for it to take you away from your family.  

by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Sorry! the best advice I have is to go with your gut feeling, then try to calmly talk to him again.

by *Angelicious* on May. 4, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Quoting brettsmomma:

 I personally would think something was up. His anger towards you seems mighty defensive. :/ You cant continue unless he comes clean with whatever it is.

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