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Question about miscarriage (may be a sensitive topic to some)

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I am really sorry if I upset anyone with this post, it is not my intention.

I am 9 weeks pregnant after a tubal ligation as some of you may recall from my post last month. The baby was fine at my last appointment, but today it had no heartbeat. I am not sure what to feel, I was just starting to accept this pregnancy as meant to be only to have it end so soon. My doctor said it just happens sometimes and told me that I can get a d&c or wait to miscarry on my own. I chose to wait it out for now. She told me what the signs of miscarriages are and made an appointment to see me in three weeks to check on my progress. I take it that it can take some time, but I didn't ask any questions as I was in too much shock. What I'd like to know is what to expect, how long can it actually take? I still feel pregnant and still have all the symptoms that I was having prior to finding out. Is this normal?

My dh does not know yet, I am waiting for the kids to go to sleep as we need to be uninterrupted so that we can talk. He knows that something is wrong, but he is not pressuring me.

This is the link to my previous post in case anyone is curious. I am mobile, so I cannot make it clicky. It is updated somewhat, but I didn't bump it.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/16341952/I_am_worried_that_I_could_be_UPDATE_4_in_red_at_bottom
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Replies (21-30):
Mom2Just1
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2012 at 6:52 PM
Did they do an ultrasound?
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VioletSpirit
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry, but this is not a conversation that I want to have around screaming kids and them crawling all over me. Just like he waited to tell me that my great grandmother died. It's not the appropriate time.

If it was our child in the hospital, then I would wait until I was able to get to a phone as would he. We have no working phone. Only one that can call 911 so we would have to wait until we got to the hospital and able to get to the payphone before we called the other.

He will have a chance to grieve, it's just not right to tell him right now. He knows the news is bad and it has to do with the pregnancy, but that is all I had a chance to tell him. I did start to tell him, but he told me to tell him when it is more peaceful.


Quoting marchantmom06:

I'm sorry but how can you not immediately tell your husband???



If one of your children had been harmed or injured you wouldn't wait until they were in he'd would you?



It's his loss too and he deserves to grieve just as you do.
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VioletSpirit
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:54 PM
Thank you, I will keep that in mind.

Quoting Chuckydoodle:

I had natural expulsions on each of my miscarriages, and it required weekly blood draws to make sure that the HCG count continued downward until it hit the Zero mark. When the actual miscarriage starts you should have some cramping, it can be severe and quite painful. The further along you are the worse it can be. The bleeding will start after that and can take as little as a week to 3 or 4 weeks depending again on the amount of conseption that was there. I am so sorry, it's not going to be easy.

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VioletSpirit
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:55 PM
Thank you. Any information helps.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh my goodness... I'm so sorry to hear this. What an emotional rollercoaster... :( Sorry to use that cliche term, but it just seems so appropriate here. 
I haven't personally miscarried, but it has happened to three friends who have described it in detail. Two found out at a check-up, like you. One had a D&C. One waited.. it took about 2 and a half weeks and then she began to pass the fetus. She described it as being not too bad physically, but the waiting was very stressful for her. Another friend miscarried before knowing that she was going to, she ended up not passing it completely and needing a D&C to finish. I have no idea if telling you this is helpful, I'm sure that some other women will post who have peronal experience. 
Best wishes.. and again.. so sorry that you're going through this.  

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busy.mamax3
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:59 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine being in that situation. I really hope you and your family are able to cope and move on from this terrible situation. ((hugs))

VioletSpirit
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:59 PM
Yes, they did. No signs of life.

Quoting Mom2Just1:

Did they do an ultrasound?
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VioletSpirit
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:02 PM
Thank you, ladies, for your information and condolences. I will keep it all in mind and have dh read this after we talk. We will then decide whether or not to wait or get the d&c.
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Safrianna
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:03 PM

I'm so sorry hun. :( I can't imagine waiting it out. I'd want to get it over and done with to heal sooner... But, I do understand that it can take some time.

Hilary799
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:04 PM
All mine were natural and unexpected, meaning I didn't know I was pregnant. I am truly sorry *hugs*
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ozarkdragonfly
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:06 PM
hugs momma
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