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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Why have a lot of kids if you can't afford to do things with them? revised

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Personally, I have 4 kids. To many, it's a lot.. but honestly, I would love more. HOWEVER, financially, 4 is our limit.

I get sad (and sometimes mad) when I hear of families not being able to do things with their kids because they can't afford it and then complain about it. (i.e. occasionally go out to dinner, go on vacations, etc).

I know all of that is not what is most important in life as long as the kids are happy and healthy...and I know there are things that are fun and FREE (I do these things too.. that's how we can afford to go on vacations, visit amusement parks, etc.)  but I think it's sad to have to tell your kids they can't do something (all the time) because they can't afford it.

Am I being irrational?!

Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2012 at 4:05 PM
Replies (291-300):
Tea4Tas
by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:51 PM


Quoting Anonymous71321:

 She's a lost cause, lol.  I brought up insurance to her way back on page 22 and it went right over her head.  I quit responding to her after that.  You guys have more patience than I do, lmao!

 

If I had a dime for everyone on Cafemom who fell on hard times after an injury or a pregnancy where they couldn't work and get paid...it's called disability insurance folks-get some!

They are always amazed when you tell them they can actually get it on their OWN if their employer does not offer it.

Jennifer63080
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 1:56 PM
3 moms liked this
wow. no wonder we're raising a generation of self entitled spoiled brats! kids deserve to go to private school? and it's not fair to your kids if their childhood memories aren't made at Disney world? this is the most ridiculous post i have ever seen!!! op, step out of your bubble. i imagine your family is one of those that needs to take that 'unplug for a day' challenge. small kids have more fun digging in dirt in the backyard than they do on an expensive vacation. i know. Ive seen it.
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Anonymous71321
by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:02 PM

 My mouth was ajar when she said the poor grandmother didnt even have supplemental medicare?  That's the barest minimum. 


 

 Quoting Tea4Tas:

Quoting Anonymous71321:

 She's a lost cause, lol.  I brought up insurance to her way back on page 22 and it went right over her head.  I quit responding to her after that.  You guys have more patience than I do, lmao!

 

If I had a dime for everyone on Cafemom who fell on hard times after an injury or a pregnancy where they couldn't work and get paid...it's called disability insurance folks-get some!

They are always amazed when you tell them they can actually get it on their OWN if their employer does not offer it.

 

Tea4Tas
by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:06 PM


Quoting Anonymous71321:

 My mouth was ajar when she said the poor grandmother didnt even have supplemental medicare?  That's the barest minimum. 


 

 Quoting Tea4Tas:

Quoting Anonymous71321:

 She's a lost cause, lol.  I brought up insurance to her way back on page 22 and it went right over her head.  I quit responding to her after that.  You guys have more patience than I do, lmao!

 

If I had a dime for everyone on Cafemom who fell on hard times after an injury or a pregnancy where they couldn't work and get paid...it's called disability insurance folks-get some!

They are always amazed when you tell them they can actually get it on their OWN if their employer does not offer it.

 

Wow. My parents have that, and dental AND prescription coverage. the prescription coverage is $132 per person per month (that is thru my Moms old job)  My Dad does not have prescription coverage-it's a risk, but he can sign up during open enrollment, and they could afford a year of just about any medication. And, of course my Father has no medication to take-Dr's always think that is some kind of mistake-because everyone in their 80's seems to be on medication these days.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 32 on May. 6, 2012 at 2:07 PM
Growing up we didn't go on vacations or go out to dinner all the time. We grew just perfectly fine. I'm not scarred for life because of it. My parents raised us just fine.
alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2012 at 2:09 PM

Our kids are growing up incredibly well rounded. We do all sorts of fun things with them but they also know that money doesn't grow on trees and that we can't do it all.

That being said, we try our best to make sure they get to experience as much as possible as they grow up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 6, 2012 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this
You are not allowed to call her grandma poor, talk about her finances, or question her intelligence for not having even basic insurance.... She will yell at you, because its rude to talk about poor old dying people, even though she is the one that brought up her grandma... Lmao


Quoting Anonymous71321:

 My mouth was ajar when she said the poor grandmother didnt even have supplemental medicare?  That's the barest minimum. 



 



 Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous71321:


 She's a lost cause, lol.  I brought up insurance to her way back on page 22 and it went right over her head.  I quit responding to her after that.  You guys have more patience than I do, lmao!


 

If I had a dime for everyone on Cafemom who fell on hard times after an injury or a pregnancy where they couldn't work and get paid...it's called disability insurance folks-get some!


They are always amazed when you tell them they can actually get it on their OWN if their employer does not offer it.


 


MrsOssiander
by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:52 PM
Well I just ask my 13 yo if he felt deprived because we don't have money to do the things you mentioned op. His words now....Meh seems like a lot of stress to get ready for vacations and what not. I much prefer pizza night with a movie. From his own mouth. So no I don't feel I should spent butt loads of money to make memories with my kids. My kids get outings. We go to museums here in Stockholm for very little cost and then picnic in The King's Garden now that the weather is nicer. If we can we're going to try for our first big trip this summer...to Birka...about 150 USD for 8 hours of fun. Not 1000's. I have 4 living children btw.
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popomill
by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:52 PM


Quoting Tea4Tas:

 

Quoting popomill:

 

Quoting Tea4Tas:

 

Quoting popomill:

You know what, when I was growing up all I ever heard was no we can't afford to go on vacation, no we can't afford to do that blah blah blah, and my parents didn't even take us out to do things for free (all they did was work for the house we eventually got). I grew up fine. As for me and my son? We don't really have the money to go on vacation or go out to dinner all the time but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have had my kid because I don't have the money to do that stuff with him. In life it's not all about going on vacations, going out to eat, or driving long distances to see things (especially with the price of gas). It's about spending time together as a family. If in your family you just so happen to go to every museum and zoo that costs money, go out to eat all the time and go to the movies that's great, but just because I take my son to the movies once a year for his birthday (well, this year I'm going to take him twice over the summer and he has already seen the Lorax), go out to eat maybe once a month because money is tight and never go to a place that you have to pay to get in to, doesn't make me a bad mom. You know what I am going to do instead? I'm going to go hiking in the nearby forest preserve every week and teach him about how the sun makes the grass and trees grow. I'll go to the beach and play in the sand (while enjoying my free parking). I'll take him to the park every day, go to all of the free (or almost free) events in our town all summer, and guess what? Not once am I going to tell him that we can't do something fun because it costs too much because there are PLENTY of things we can do that are free, and he will never know the difference!

That works great with younger children, and in fact when my kids were younger it is JUST what we did (mostly) for a 2 year old a lake is as good as the ocean (better indeed).  We started out staying on the water on the ocean side-figured out pretty quick that while it was nicer for the Adults, it sucked for the kids. So we cut the costs in half and rented on the sound side, which was much better for the kids when they were young...and not as good when they got older.

It's pretty easy to see who has very young kids on here, and who has older kids.  Under the age of 10, most kids are content with whatever you give them-and the park and lake are as good as a trip to Yellowstone or the ocean.  When they get older, they want to do more and different things.

It's a common misconception that kids get "spoiled". It's perfectly possible to give your kids things and NOT spoil them.  My youngest wanted an Ipad. He got one for Christmas from the whole family. Sure it was almost $900 but everyone chipped in, and I am paying for his dataplan .

He wants a hedgehog.  They are about $175-$275.  He is saving up his money as we speak and the goal is to get one in September.  i could simply buy him one if I wanted to, but that isn't how it works. AFTER he buys it, I will take responsability for the food and he will do the daily care.

People get amazed at the amount of work my kids do in the house (for their allowences) I clean my room and bathroom and do my laundry and usually my youngest childs laundry.  And all of the grocery shopping (off of the family list)

The lawn mowing trash taking out cooking (most meals) vaccuming floor cleaning dishwasher filling and emptying table setting dusting lawn raking dog walking dog feeding  bathroom cleaning floor scrubbing and all of that is done by the kids.
My oldest makes $75 a week for his aftershoolbrother sitting and his share of the chores. My youngest gets $25 for listening to his brother, and his share of the chores.  They both can lose their allowence if they don't complete what they are supposed to. 


Wow, well you're an amazing mom for giving that much in allowance! I never got a dime and I had to do what your kids did and more. I already give my son 'chore money' pretty much if I'm cleaning and I have him help out a lot I give him all my spare change because he loves to play with the money and his bank has already been filled up twice, he LOVES to help. That's great that your whole family chipped in for an iPad, that is one thing I have a problem with is how much technology should I let my son have when he's older. We didn't get cell phones until I was 16, didn't have a computer until I was in 5th grade and I didn't have my own tv until I was almost 17. I always think about how it was when I was little when we didn't have cell phones and computers and everything else we have so I'm not sure how I feel about my son going on the computer (which I let him do for maybe an hour max, but it's only like once every few months he wants on), when I want him to have a cell phone and stuff, any tips? Your kids are older so I'm sure you have more experience with them and technology. I just wish things were more like when I was a kid and there was less technology! I even want to get rid of my TV just so it's one less thing for him to do indoors.

The schools here start using computers in first grade.  By third grade they are expected to be able to do reports on them. My son did his book report by videoing it with his IPad. If I hadn't been willing to send it in with him, we could have posted it to youtube, and his teacher could have played it back thru her school issued laptop on the projection screen.

For his spelling he googles pictures of his words, and prints it and writes the words next to the pictures.

Most of his reading is done on my kindle or his Ipad (the series he is interested in is cheaper on ipad or kindle than in paperback)

You see times are changing..my first computer cost $4000..that isn't something you give to a kid. But now they are more in reach, and having multiple computers isn't such a big deal as it used to be.

All my kids have cell phones-it makes MY life easier (and they had BETTER answer them when i call...no ifs ands or buts

The older kids have smart phones, and my youngest got his when he was 7-it's as basic as i could get at the time.

Eventually, at some point to get a job they will need to use a computer-why not start them young?


 

I definitely see your point about starting them on the computer young. I remember taking a typing class when I was in 4th or 5th grade and thinking it was the coolest thing ever but I had no idea kids were starting on computers in 1st grade! I just worry that if we depend on computers too much we will be screwed if anything ever happens to the Internet, you know permanently like apocalypse style. My son is starting to be able to type his name on the computer while learning how to write his name too. I never thought about printing pictures of stuff and then writing the name of it next to it. I was actually thinking about making note cards and writing stuff on it like, door and wall so he understands better about how letters make words because he already knows all his letters and knows a few words like dog and pig but I really want to help him understand it better (even though he's only four so I think just knowing the alphabet is pretty good). I got my son pre-screened for kindergarten the other day and they said everything with him is fine, but do you think I should be doing anything else to help him get ready for school? He won't be going until 2013 but withhow competitive I hear schools are getting I want to make sure he does the best he can while loving learning. He knows numbers up to 20, all his letters, shapes and colors. He is starting to write letters and numbers a little bit. I don't even remember what you do in kindergarten and it has probably all changed since I went in the 90's anyway.

briansmommy2010
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2012 at 2:54 PM

LOL honey, you don't have the slightest clue about my financial situation, nor that of my family. Keep on going though, I'm getting a very good laugh from this.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

 I would hazard to guess that any money in the bank is a "fortune" to BM.  And I doubt that she even gets the fact that she just continues to embarrass herself.

Quoting Anonymous:

I fully understand the math. Im just saying that if 109,500 a year is draining her savings (especially if its drained only 4 months in) , then she didnt have that much to begin with... again middle class with some savings...


Quoting briansmommy2010:

Clearly you can't understand how quickly the cost of a nursing home can add up and drain your savings. As I explained to somebody else, she has spent approximately $36,000 of her savings in her 4 months in the nursing home. She's also still paying rent and utilities on her apartment, on some crazy chance that she may be able to go home. But it's looking like she will live the remainder of her life in that nursing home, and who knows how long that will be. She's a tough lady, and she's a fighter. She won't just roll over and give up. She wasn't prepared for this, because she lived independently until she was almost 91 years old. She never thought there would be a reason for her to have to move into a nursing home. It was agreed that if she could no longer care for herself, she would move in with one of her daughters. Then she got a cancer diagnosis at the age of 90, and the care she needs is more than any of her daughters are able to offer.

This was my whole point-you never know what situations will fall in your lap. You can't predict these things happening, and you can very easily go from very well off, to barely scraping by, in just a few month's time. The ones who are SURE that nothing bad will ever happen to them and their families, are usually the ones who fall the hardest, because while they may be financially prepared, they aren't MENTALLY prepapred for it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Then your grandma was not truly "well off" Simply middle class with some savings. Clearly she would not have had too much to leave her kids anyways, let alone a "fortune" as you put it.




Quoting briansmommy2010:

I just love the assumptions!! Please tell me how it is you seem to know so much about my family's financial situation.



It's also very cute that you seem to be able to predict the future. My grandma thought she would be able to leave her children a fortune of money and valuables. After spending the last 4 months in a nursing home at the cost of $300/day, she is quickly draining her savings. And she will stay in that nursing home until she dies, by which point there won't be much left. So you shouldn't be so sure that nothing bad could ever happen to your family that could cause a financial hardship.





 


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