Why have a lot of kids if you can't afford to do things with them? revised
- 351 Replies
Personally, I have 4 kids. To many, it's a lot.. but honestly, I would love more. HOWEVER, financially, 4 is our limit.
I get sad (and sometimes mad) when I hear of families not being able to do things with their kids because they can't afford it and then complain about it. (i.e. occasionally go out to dinner, go on vacations, etc).
I know all of that is not what is most important in life as long as the kids are happy and healthy...and I know there are things that are fun and FREE (I do these things too.. that's how we can afford to go on vacations, visit amusement parks, etc.) but I think it's sad to have to tell your kids they can't do something (all the time) because they can't afford it.
Am I being irrational?!
ETA: our very good friends have two kids, teens, there parents are now divorcing and there dad is moving to another part of the state a few hundred miles away. The girls lifestyle is going to change dramatically, including moveing to a 2 bedroom apartment and sharing a room. Because there parents thought the things that you mentioned were SO important there more worried about there yearly trip to South Padre Island and going shopping and going to the movies and having pool parties (there house has a pool), NOT that there parents are getting divorced or that dad is moveing. I think when you put so much importance on trivial things, it sends the wrong message. JMO
No, you are making perfect sense. I have no idea why people insist on living in poverty and actually punish children by raising them this way. I'm sure we'll get all the comments..."We may not have much, but we have love...blah, blah, blah" But lets be honest, if you cannot provide food, clothing, and shelter for your children, on YOUR OWN DIME, you have no business having them. That's the LEAST children should expect from a parent.
Growing up, I went on multiple family vacations, out to dinner a couple nights a week, and got presents "just because" all the time. As I grew older, I learned it was my mom's way of buying my love. Sure, I had fun, but I would have much preferred her telling me she loved me once in a while over taking me on another vacation.
Quoting lapcounter:
Very well said!!! I also feel maybe some of those saying those are not the most important things are also maybe some of the ones that cannot afford to do it. My girl's still talk about trips to the condo with the boat, the helicopter ride, the trips to the zoo it's family memories that were fun.
Quoting Anonymous:
I agree. Children want and need more then food and shelter. Even if you can provide the basics, you shouldnt have more kids unless you can go above and beyond. Kids deserve to have memory making life experience, and usually those cost money. Vacations, summer camp, sports, any extracurricular activities, not to mention a great education (usually private school) and college, they are all expensive but children deserve it. They are only a child once, and you should make the most of it.
Yes, you sound completely irrational. Seriously? It's sad not to plunk down a hundred dollars to treat the little ones to a restuarant meal that only gets half-eaten?
And if a person can't teach their kids music, or playing sports iwithout paying a bunch of money, I'm sorry, but they are really, really stupid. listening to music is free, so is singing, buying used instruments is really cheap. You can make drums out of things, and other little instruments for very young ones. My kids have been exposed to every imaginable genre of music and I don't believe that it cost more than the price of electricity. And if someone wants their kid exposed to international cuisine, here's a novel idea-read a effing cookbook and cook those things.
I think anybody that really thinks that the only way to expose their kids to all of these things is to shell out many hard earned dollars lacks the imagination, motivation, and personal ingenuity required to thoroughlt enjoy parenthood. Seriously, why not just save money, skip the kids, and enjoy fancy meals and expensive events?
This post actually scares me. It totally makes me see that regular people have become damn near crippled with all the comforts and amenities of american living, and the fact that believing that going without these special priviledges is some sort of tragedy just confirms my belief that we are quickly becoming a society of weaklings and ingrates that have been able to find nothing more significant, remarkable, or useful to do with our lives than sit on our overfed asses and whine about it.
Umm...OP isn't talking about not being able to provide basic needs. She's talking about not being able to afford LUXURIES.
You need some reading comprehension refresher courses I think.
Quoting Anonymous71321:No, you are making perfect sense. I have no idea why people insist on living in poverty and actually punish children by raising them this way. I'm sure we'll get all the comments..."We may not have much, but we have love...blah, blah, blah" But lets be honest, if you cannot provide food, clothing, and shelter for your children, on YOUR OWN DIME, you have no business having them. That's the LEAST children should expect from a parent.
Quoting briansmommy2010:Growing up, I went on multiple family vacations, out to dinner a couple nights a week, and got presents "just because" all the time. As I grew older, I learned it was my mom's way of buying my love. Sure, I had fun, but I would have much preferred her telling me she loved me once in a while over taking me on another vacation.
Quoting lapcounter:
Very well said!!! I also feel maybe some of those saying those are not the most important things are also maybe some of the ones that cannot afford to do it. My girl's still talk about trips to the condo with the boat, the helicopter ride, the trips to the zoo it's family memories that were fun.
Quoting Anonymous:
I agree. Children want and need more then food and shelter. Even if you can provide the basics, you shouldnt have more kids unless you can go above and beyond. Kids deserve to have memory making life experience, and usually those cost money. Vacations, summer camp, sports, any extracurricular activities, not to mention a great education (usually private school) and college, they are all expensive but children deserve it. They are only a child once, and you should make the most of it.
Not everyone might*want* to do things that make you sad (out to dinner because they can't afford to buy dinner for everyone, or not be able to go on vacations or to an amusement park, put their kids in sports, music, etc.).
Even with one child, some folks might not afford those things. Or someone could be wealthy and have no desire to spend their wealth on those things...
Different strokes--
You're not irrational, you just like to brag!
Honestly that's why I stopped at 2 kids. Not because I think kids need all of those things you mentioned, but because I wanted them to have them. I love going out to eat and if I had more kids I couldn't afford to. I also couldn't afford for them to go to camp in the summer or to take them to Disney for their birthdays like we did a few months ago. That isn't what makes people happy or loved, but I like being able to give them those types of things.
Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!