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Divorcing, in a serious relationship.. pregnant. -edit in red-

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Title about says it. I'm divorcing my STBXDH since he decided to have a relationship with a girl he works with while he was deployed last year. Unfortunately our divorce is going to take forever according to our attorneys since once again he is deployed and will be going to Japan for a year and a half a month after this current deployment.

Anyway, we both have moved on from each other. He is dating random girls and about a year ago I started a serious relationship with my SO. Around Christmas we discovered that I was pregnant and due in September. I have three kids with my STBXDH so this will be my fourth. It will be my SOs first child.

STBXDH doesn't know as of yet simply because he hardly makes contact with me. I don't really know how I'm supposed to tell someone that I don't hardly talk to, but I do want to tell him. Either way, the baby will obviously be born before the divorce is over, STBXDH won't even be off deployment before the baby is born so I'm hoping he makes a little bit of contact before then.

I'm kind of nervous about any impending court dates. Our divorce is filed as uncontested. Will the courts say anything about it or has anyone been in this situation or have knowledge about it?

ETA: I am in Delaware.

Before I'm bashed, I'm not scared the courts will do anything, I'm just nervous if anything will be brought up. I doubt my STBXDH will say anything as his girlfriend before deployment had two miscarriages that he claimed were his baby (I don't know the truth in that but, he emailed me about them). I just want advice from someone who has maybe been there.

EDIT: Thank you ladies for the kind words and advice. I really was expecting more of the "you couldn't wait" type responses. Anyway.. to answer some questions. Delaware is a No Fault state. It also presumes paternity to the "husband". So, SO and I are going to the courthouse next monday (his day off) to get denial of paternity and acknowledgement of paternity forms. So hopefully that will be squared away. Also, I know our divorce won't be granted until the baby is born. Thankfully we are due at the end of August/beginning of September and STBXDH won't be back until November. However, I'm not sure how that will work out with the denial of paternity forms since he won't be back until after the fact! Again, thank you ladies fo your advice, it's really made me less nervous!

Posted by Anonymous on May. 6, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Replies (131-136):
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Quoting Anonymous:

It's because I believe its cheating to be with someone else while you are still married. If hubby and I were to ever divorce I wouldn't be with anyone else until the divorce was finalized.

Quoting Tea4Tas:


Quoting Anonymous:

This is why I think people shouldn't get into relationships until after the divorce is finalized.

So your life should be on hold for 2-5 years? Really?

Its clear you haven't been divorced. It's cheating if you are both emotionally together.  How together are you when you are living in seperate households and shelling out thousands of dollars to get RID of your spouse?

The answer-not together at all!

Now I didn't sleep with my SO before my divorce was final, but that was a personal choice I don't expect everyone to make.

by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:04 AM
Ok. They both are trashy. You must be trashy too to be name calling like that.

Quoting chloesmommy777:

Ummm .. he cheated on HER, the mother of THEIR 3 kids 1st... That's key evidence that should prevail in the courts to show who started the "trashy" ball rolling! Step off, "anonymous": aka: ignorant bullying bitch!

Quoting Anonymous:

IMO that does not look good in court. It looks trashy and it shows you have no self respect

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by Anonymous 5 on May. 7, 2012 at 11:12 AM
I saw it was after separation in replies. Didn't see that in the OP. I thought they were still legally married, not separated.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about DE, but in many states once you file for divorce you are considered legally separated.  Anything you do afterward does not necessarily reflect back on the marriage.  Considering his deployment and how long it's going to take to finalize the divorce, I doubt that it'll be a problem.  Also, is DE a no-fault state when it comes to divorce? 

Quoting Anonymous:

Being pregnant by a man not your husband has TONS of bearing in court.

Quoting Aeonix:

Quoting Anonymous:

IMO that does not look good in court. It looks trashy and it shows you have no self respect

It has ZERO bearing in court.


by on May. 7, 2012 at 6:35 PM

As long as it is comfortable with you! You are the stressed out one! Relax and enjoy being pregnant. I hope things are ok and the pregnancy is going fine. Blessings!

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting blondie805:

I would not be worried about this. If you feel comfortable enough to tell him, then tell him. If not, then wait and let him ask the questions. You will obviously be showing by the court date so, let him ask. Let him be the uncomfortable one for a change. Be open and honest at every question. But, don't be afraid to let your position known.

Thank you! I've been hesitant to tell people since I know tons of questions will be asked and I feel so terrible for my SO since its his first and wants to tell everyone!

by Anonymous 17 on May. 7, 2012 at 6:46 PM

Yikes what a mess you are in

Good luck!

by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:04 PM

Doesn't matter.

Quoting marie85:

They are legally separated though.

Quoting jensmommy02:

When my ex and I were divorcing  I was told specifically by my lawyer DO NOT GET PREGNANT! Because the court will assume its ur ex's and he will have to have a paterninty test and the divorce will take longer.The judge will frown on you...its not good honey.

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