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Divorcing, in a serious relationship.. pregnant. -edit in red-

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Title about says it. I'm divorcing my STBXDH since he decided to have a relationship with a girl he works with while he was deployed last year. Unfortunately our divorce is going to take forever according to our attorneys since once again he is deployed and will be going to Japan for a year and a half a month after this current deployment.

Anyway, we both have moved on from each other. He is dating random girls and about a year ago I started a serious relationship with my SO. Around Christmas we discovered that I was pregnant and due in September. I have three kids with my STBXDH so this will be my fourth. It will be my SOs first child.

STBXDH doesn't know as of yet simply because he hardly makes contact with me. I don't really know how I'm supposed to tell someone that I don't hardly talk to, but I do want to tell him. Either way, the baby will obviously be born before the divorce is over, STBXDH won't even be off deployment before the baby is born so I'm hoping he makes a little bit of contact before then.

I'm kind of nervous about any impending court dates. Our divorce is filed as uncontested. Will the courts say anything about it or has anyone been in this situation or have knowledge about it?

ETA: I am in Delaware.

Before I'm bashed, I'm not scared the courts will do anything, I'm just nervous if anything will be brought up. I doubt my STBXDH will say anything as his girlfriend before deployment had two miscarriages that he claimed were his baby (I don't know the truth in that but, he emailed me about them). I just want advice from someone who has maybe been there.

EDIT: Thank you ladies for the kind words and advice. I really was expecting more of the "you couldn't wait" type responses. Anyway.. to answer some questions. Delaware is a No Fault state. It also presumes paternity to the "husband". So, SO and I are going to the courthouse next monday (his day off) to get denial of paternity and acknowledgement of paternity forms. So hopefully that will be squared away. Also, I know our divorce won't be granted until the baby is born. Thankfully we are due at the end of August/beginning of September and STBXDH won't be back until November. However, I'm not sure how that will work out with the denial of paternity forms since he won't be back until after the fact! Again, thank you ladies fo your advice, it's really made me less nervous!

Posted by Anonymous on May. 6, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Replies (101-110):
by Anonymous 13 on May. 6, 2012 at 7:21 PM

I had a baby with my now husband while I was waiting on the divorce to get finalized. We did not mean to get pregnant but things happen. Same situation as you. Both me and ex had moved on he had gfs just getting crap finalized took a while.  The only problem I had was that we did have to put in the divorce that the baby was not his and I needed him to sign a paper saying he was not the father so I could put the father on the bc.  The state I was in you had to have a paper signed or your husband automatically got put on the bc.

by Silver Member on May. 6, 2012 at 7:39 PM

You need to be concerned. If you are legally married to your exdh when the baby is born the courts ASSUME that the baby is HIS NOT your SO's! In my state if you are married to someone and have a baby with someone else you have two choices on the birth certificate. Your DH's name OR Unknown! In the eyes of the court this baby is NOT your SO's!

by Anonymous 14 on May. 6, 2012 at 7:50 PM

It really depends on whether your state is a no fault state or not. If it is then None of that matters because the reason for divorce should be irreconcilable differences. If it is a fault state then all the cheating could come into play. I wouldn't sweat it though. Its not like this isn't an every day occurrence where people split up and move on before their marriages are officially over.

Me and DH were both married when we met and got together and continued to be married for the 1st 4 years of our relationship. We both got divorced and didn't get married for another 3 years. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Just curious as to why it has a major effect on division of assets (the only thing I'd be worried about is the cars but they are in my name) and can play a big role in custody? They'd do better being here with me, my family and STBXDH family instead of across the country in daycare everyday with no family.

Quoting Anonymous:

You can still get divorced. It has a major effect on division of assets. It can play a big role in custody, too. So your df has his children full time?

Quoting braezmommy89:

Weird. My df has 3 kids outside of his previous marriage and the courts said...your point?

I had dd while they were still legally married and it didnt stop him from getting a divorce or custody of skids?? It had no influence on that

Quoting Anonymous:

Because in the eyes of the law, it is still adultery since they are still married.

Quoting braezmommy89:

If hes your ex and your going thru a divorce what the hell does it matter???

Im confused as to why your worried??

Are you supposed to put your whole life on hold for your ex in till your divorce is FINAL???

I had dd while df and his ex were in the final stages of divorce... The courts didnt say anything to him about having kids other than with his ex?! What the hell lol

Why does he even need to know?? He is your EX!

by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:18 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

That's even better if you are in a no fault state. I can imagine how badly you just want to move on!

Best of luck! :-)
by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:23 PM
Eh. That seems to be the world we live in. I am divorced but my SO is not yet (they have been broken up for almost 2years) and we are having a baby in november.

I am not sure that it would affect you in court at all.... I'm guessing not. As far as telling him I don't think its really his business.... maybe if you have kids together. I dunno I didn't tell my ex lol my daughter blabbed it excitedly. Good luck hun!
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by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM
She will have to take a parenting class reguardless before divorce anyway if her state requires it b/c of the other 3 children.....
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by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:23 PM
Tell him...if hje doesnt want you to use his tricare...he will speed up the divorce
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by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:41 PM

i've never been in that situation. 

but i wish you alot of luck!

by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:14 PM
I haven't read all of the replies, but typically when a woman who is maried get pregnant by another man, the law states get husband is the father of record. You will probably need a paternity test to get her bio dad listed on the birth certificate.
by Kali on May. 6, 2012 at 10:28 PM

I don't think it will matter when it comes to the courts. I went with a friend for emotional support when she filed divorce papers and under the part where it asks about the children it asks if the wife is currently pregnant and whether or not the husband is the father. A friend of mine wasn't legally divorced when she had a baby with her boyfriend (now husband) so her STBXH had to sign some papers at the hospital stating he wasn't the father before her boyfriend could sign the papers stating he was the father. It didn't affect her divorce proceedings at all.

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