Divorcing, in a serious relationship.. pregnant. -edit in red-
- 136 Replies
Title about says it. I'm divorcing my STBXDH since he decided to have a relationship with a girl he works with while he was deployed last year. Unfortunately our divorce is going to take forever according to our attorneys since once again he is deployed and will be going to Japan for a year and a half a month after this current deployment.
Anyway, we both have moved on from each other. He is dating random girls and about a year ago I started a serious relationship with my SO. Around Christmas we discovered that I was pregnant and due in September. I have three kids with my STBXDH so this will be my fourth. It will be my SOs first child.
STBXDH doesn't know as of yet simply because he hardly makes contact with me. I don't really know how I'm supposed to tell someone that I don't hardly talk to, but I do want to tell him. Either way, the baby will obviously be born before the divorce is over, STBXDH won't even be off deployment before the baby is born so I'm hoping he makes a little bit of contact before then.
I'm kind of nervous about any impending court dates. Our divorce is filed as uncontested. Will the courts say anything about it or has anyone been in this situation or have knowledge about it?
ETA: I am in Delaware.
Before I'm bashed, I'm not scared the courts will do anything, I'm just nervous if anything will be brought up. I doubt my STBXDH will say anything as his girlfriend before deployment had two miscarriages that he claimed were his baby (I don't know the truth in that but, he emailed me about them). I just want advice from someone who has maybe been there.
EDIT: Thank you ladies for the kind words and advice. I really was expecting more of the "you couldn't wait" type responses. Anyway.. to answer some questions. Delaware is a No Fault state. It also presumes paternity to the "husband". So, SO and I are going to the courthouse next monday (his day off) to get denial of paternity and acknowledgement of paternity forms. So hopefully that will be squared away. Also, I know our divorce won't be granted until the baby is born. Thankfully we are due at the end of August/beginning of September and STBXDH won't be back until November. However, I'm not sure how that will work out with the denial of paternity forms since he won't be back until after the fact! Again, thank you ladies fo your advice, it's really made me less nervous!
He doesn't support me financially. He pays what his command appointed for child support which isn't enough to conver their expenses and mine and the car I drive is in my name, along with the one he drives.
Quoting Anonymous:
Use his benefit and the fact that he still has to support you financially and give you use of a car in the mean time.
Quoting Anonymous:He doesn't support me financially. He pays what his command appointed for child support which isn't enough to conver their expenses and mine and the car I drive is in my name, along with the one he drives.
Quoting Anonymous:
Use his benefit and the fact that he still has to support you financially and give you use of a car in the mean time.
Quoting braezmommy89:
If hes your ex and your going thru a divorce what the hell does it matter???
Im confused as to why your worried??
Are you supposed to put your whole life on hold for your ex in till your divorce is FINAL???
I had dd while df and his ex were in the final stages of divorce... The courts didnt say anything to him about having kids other than with his ex?! What the hell lol
Why does he even need to know?? He is your EX!
Quoting Anonymous:What state do you live in?
I agree with a pp find out if your state assumes husband is the father and if they do, its a simple peice of paper you fill out and he signs, although if baby is born before divorce is final and your SO is listed as dad on birth certificate and he has signed it, your xdh isnt assumed father.. The only children that will be included in the divorce (child support etc) will be the kids you write down in your dicorce papers.. if you dont write them down to be included they wont be.
Dont stress.. If you want full custody they in no way shape or form are going to look at the fact you have another child from your long term SO they loom at whats best for the child, are you stable? Do you move around a lot? Are you addicted to drugs etc lol Your kids having a baby sister/brother isnt considered unfit haha if thats the case my df wouldnt see his other kids cause soon we will have 2 haha
If you think your stbx is going to get nasty and fight you on everything...prepare yourself and hire a lawyer. Other than that.. you will be good. In less your in some weird country with weird laws haha
Quoting Anonymous:LOL! Thank you! Your reply seriously made me think I was being so stupid about stressing. A few people who know the situation were saying that it could be a problem in court especially if I want full custody. I was just nervous if it'd be a problem.
Quoting braezmommy89:
If hes your ex and your going thru a divorce what the hell does it matter???
Im confused as to why your worried??
Are you supposed to put your whole life on hold for your ex in till your divorce is FINAL???
I had dd while df and his ex were in the final stages of divorce... The courts didnt say anything to him about having kids other than with his ex?! What the hell lol
Why does he even need to know?? He is your EX!
Who ever hits first, hits hardest.
You talk to your lawyer, see what they have to say. Save those emails that he admits to adultery and actually making children with other women. That makes you "even" and neither a victim. That way he can't try to take your other kids away from you cause you had extra maritals even while separated (ooh and aaah) cause the evidence is right there *points dramatically at you*. Just saying. None of his business until it is. And nothing he can do about it, till its too late. Don't tell him and give him time to come up with a battle plan.
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"