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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Husband and Wife - Doesn't Mean Much, These Days

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I'm just being honest here, and not trying to bash anyone!

I read the post about the Facebook Phenomenon- men and women calling each other husband and wife when they're NOT married.  It annoys her.  She's not married, herself, and it still bothers her.

A few other women commented that people that do that have no class, are being annoying, etc.

It doesn't bother me; despite what marriage is supposed to be- sacred, religious, a binding tie between two people in love for better or worse- to me, marriage has been made into a big joke.  Between the divorce rate and all of the people that do it in the spur of the moment without really being in love, I don't take marriage seriously, anymore.  There is annulment to void out marriages within 9 months.  There are marriages that do not make it past the honeymoon stage.  There are marriages that happen because of a pregnancy, where the couple isn't even truly "in love", only doing it for the sake of the child.  

I'm perfectly fine with people saying "husband and wife" when they're not.  In my eyes, their are MANY more couples that stay together longer and are more serious about being together that AREN'T married, than there are couples that ARE married.  My mom and step dad were together 18 years before my family convinced them to have a backyard wedding, and things were fine for those 18 years.

So, what's the big freakin deal, really?

by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Replies (191-200):
i.love.my.life
by Arika on May. 6, 2012 at 10:49 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree.  As long as they are committed and in love, why do they need to get married to be "husband and wife"?

momoftwo0406
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2012 at 10:55 PM

Again glad you think you know anything about me.   I do know that I COULD keep my name thank you but being married I wouldn't want to. As for taxes yes WE could ALSO file married but filing separate but we wouldn't unless reasons to do so. We have our reasons for not being married yet and it is not ILLEGAL it is personal reasons we are not religious nor are we hurting anyone.

Who ever said anything about government benefits in the first place? Great judging that since we are not married we are stealing from the government LMAO. That's a new one I have never heard that one before.

Get over it already I will keep calling him whatever I want.

Quoting Anonymous:

You think you know what you're talking about?  You are allowed to keep your last name.  I did for professional reasons.   You can also file your taxes as "married but filing separate", but go ahead and keep telling yourself whatever you need to so you feel better. 

Having children at 18 is not illegal, but having a man live with you, when you're receiving benefits from the government, is against the law if he is not being reported on the paper work.

Quoting momoftwo0406:

having children unmarried and 18 is not illegal, I will not lose anything if I marry him but my last name and great tax returns lmao. You really have no idea what you are talking about but ok. Glad you think you do

Quoting Anonymous:

What could be illegal?  You started having kids at 18 and unmarried.  You have most likely been on some sort of assistance and will lose those bennies if you marry him. 

If it wasn't a big deal for you to have people think you're married, you would not be using the terminology.  You want it, but risk losing something in the process.

Quoting momoftwo0406:

HAHA what could be illegal here? lmao  We own everything 50/50 and we have gained everything together. We share legal rights and can make any legal choice if it needs to be made. If I were to end up in the hospital he would be the one making all the choices just as I would if something happened to him. We will get married on out 20 year anniversary. This has nothing to do with being mature we DON"T want to be married for any reason just not a big deal to us. I don't care what you think I will keep living my life and we will be just fine. If we wanted to go tomorrow and get married we would its just not a big deal. We are not religious so that does not matter any.

Yes I could have a "boyfriend" at 26 but not being with the same man for 12 1/2 years. He is still my hubby no matter how you feel. Sorry it bothers you so much lol

Quoting Anonymous:

You're only 26 years old.  You can have a boyfriend.  Maybe you should go ahead and get married if your relationship is so great and on the up and up.  I sense something shady, possibly illegal going on here.  Incidentally, a MAN and a WOMAN would sign the papers, not live like children playing house which is exactly what you are doing.  If you are not mature enough to marry, you're not mature enough to call yourself a man and woman.  You're still kids yourselves.  Grown ups are willing to make a commitment. 

Quoting momoftwo0406:

LOL he is more than willing to get married at any point I AM the one that does not want to thank you very much. Also I call him my "hubby" or DH on here just because it is easier than explaining why after 12 1/2 years we are not married. I get sick of explaining myself about it . I'm not a child there for I can't have a BOYFRIEND, he is a MAN not a boy and I think that sounds to "new relationship" we have busted our ass to have such a great relationship and we love each other. That is what matters.

Quoting Anonymous:

Again, if it's not important, why do you feel the need to call him your husband?  I have found it usually means because he won't make the commitment.  It's really sad. 

Quoting momoftwo0406:

It has nothing to do with commitment at all I'm pretty sure after 12 years we are committed we just don't want to get married its not a big deal but yes when I'm talking about him I say "my hubby" and on here he is my DH most of the time sometimes my SO but not normally. We are common law married and we have all the same rights as married people so there is no difference besides a piece of paper that says we share a last name and are married.

Just because we are not married does not mean that we are faithful and very much in love. We have a wonderful relationship we just don't see marriage as a big deal we are not religious so that has no meaning to us.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momoftwo0406:

I'm not married and I call him my hubby. We have been together just about 12 1/2 years and we are completely happy. Marriage doesn't matter to use we don't need it to tell us or show anyone anything. We love each other and couldn't imagine life without each other. We have been talking about getting married on our 20 year anniversary. LoL we have been with each since I was 14 and have two kids together.

Then why are you calling him your husband?  I don't care how long you have been together, you obviously do not want to commit to him in this way, so stop using the term that goes with being married.  He is your boyfriend of 12 years.  People who do what you are doing cheapen the real commitment those of us who are married actually made. 










Love me or hate me there is no in between. I'm only me and that's all I will ever be.

Sammie0402
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:34 PM

 personally, its only annoying to me when little high school and middle school kids do it. like my nephew is 16 and every other week him and his girlfriend are putting they are married, then divorced, and on and on. i don't say anything, buts it is a little annoying lol.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on May. 6, 2012 at 11:38 PM

 Ive thought things similar, and am getting married in only ten days. I take this very seriously, and its not a decission made lightly. Too many people go in thinking "if it dont work, i can get a divorce". You should never start a marriage thinking those things!

Coca.Cola
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:41 PM
Oh it ticks Tom off. I don't blame him. He committed himself to me 15 years ago. He vowed to share everything with me. The house, accounts, our whole life is shared. It is shared legally as well as emotionally. We did one small step yes but it makes a big difference.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on May. 7, 2012 at 12:10 AM

i don't really notice. I guess its weird, I mean I don't call myself a monkey, because I am not a monkey. So If I wasn't a wife, why would I call myself a wife?

BUT like I said prior to this post I never gave it thought. WHat does bother me is when they say "hubby" "wifey" and "preggo" Like "My hubby and I are preggo!" Wtf? are you in high school texting in 3rd period? You and your HUSBAND are PREGNANT. It sounds like childish... and idk I just hate the word preggo for some reason, like a lot. Stupid, but I can't help it, it makes me cringe.

momsawayyy
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:13 AM

i dont know what the big deal is either, when u find out can u let me know :)

neverbeamom
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this

lol.  I will. :)

Quoting momsawayyy:

i dont know what the big deal is either, when u find out can u let me know :)


dawnya11
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:27 AM

As a married woman it does bother me when ppl do that on fb. If you want to take a person's last name, but he isnt marrying you, then it just makes you look stupid in the 1st place. I knew my husband for 7yrs before I married him, but I wasn't going around saying "thats my hubby" because we were either dating or friends.

neverbeamom
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:29 AM

Oh shut up.  Jesus.

It is NOT about the commitment of marriage for some people.  

My mom and stepdad got married on their 18th anniversary of being together.  Before that, they called each other husband and wife and I called him my stepdad and all that mattered was what THEY thought- and they love each other and are fully committed.  Have been for the full 22 years they've been together.  

Also, some instances- like mine- would mean possibly ruining credit by getting married.  My SO had to file for bankruptcy last year.  If I married him, my decent credit would be shot and we'd have no chance at building a house in the next two years.  So marriage anytime soon is out of the question for a while.  And besides that, 

we have nothing to prove to anyone but ourselves.  I think people that care so much about OTHER people's relationships and how they manage them need to re-focus their priorities.  Who gives a shit if two adults in love and in a healthy relationship call each other husband and wife?  How does that effect you in any way, shape, or form??  It doesn't cheapen it.  You, yourself, are the only person that can cheapen what something means to you.  If marriage means something to you, it means something to you.  

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momoftwo0406:

I'm not married and I call him my hubby. We have been together just about 12 1/2 years and we are completely happy. Marriage doesn't matter to use we don't need it to tell us or show anyone anything. We love each other and couldn't imagine life without each other. We have been talking about getting married on our 20 year anniversary. LoL we have been with each since I was 14 and have two kids together.

Then why are you calling him your husband?  I don't care how long you have been together, you obviously do not want to commit to him in this way, so stop using the term that goes with being married.  He is your boyfriend of 12 years.  People who do what you are doing cheapen the real commitment those of us who are married actually made. 


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