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Husband and Wife - Doesn't Mean Much, These Days

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I'm just being honest here, and not trying to bash anyone!

I read the post about the Facebook Phenomenon- men and women calling each other husband and wife when they're NOT married.  It annoys her.  She's not married, herself, and it still bothers her.

A few other women commented that people that do that have no class, are being annoying, etc.

It doesn't bother me; despite what marriage is supposed to be- sacred, religious, a binding tie between two people in love for better or worse- to me, marriage has been made into a big joke.  Between the divorce rate and all of the people that do it in the spur of the moment without really being in love, I don't take marriage seriously, anymore.  There is annulment to void out marriages within 9 months.  There are marriages that do not make it past the honeymoon stage.  There are marriages that happen because of a pregnancy, where the couple isn't even truly "in love", only doing it for the sake of the child.  

I'm perfectly fine with people saying "husband and wife" when they're not.  In my eyes, their are MANY more couples that stay together longer and are more serious about being together that AREN'T married, than there are couples that ARE married.  My mom and step dad were together 18 years before my family convinced them to have a backyard wedding, and things were fine for those 18 years.

So, what's the big freakin deal, really?

by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:56 AM
Replies (221-230):
Zacksmama82411
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:12 AM
my cousin did that, shes getting married in june and changed her last name the day he proposed... its like dude, really?


Quoting redredhead:

I know what you're talking about.... I can't stand to see these young chicks on FB change their last name to their boyfriend's. Really immature.


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CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 7:17 AM

 

Quoting .Pagan.:

we are all judgemental..in some aspect of our lives we judge others and some judge on this particular subject. when you are moving through the political type world of  business or other leadership roles you are looked at more seriously if you are married. sure some may not agree with the idea but its the truth in the same way that women who are beautiful make higher wages than those that are plain when competing in the same fields, and men that are taller are promoted more. we as humans judge people up even subconsciously and there are studies everywhere that show it. its why people still use the title of husband and wife when they arent...because even they know the weight those two words carry in society. if they weren't aware of them then they would use life partner or something along those lines instead.

Quoting neverbeamom:

I don't know- ask them.

It may seem like it has a heavy weight, but in reality I've only seen one effect that comes with the territory of only being a couple that isn't married.  People ask me if I'm married and I say, "No, but I have a long-term boyfriend."  Many women that are married and judgemental think "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships aren't as serious as a marriage.  Maybe not legally, but I take my relationship very seriously.  We live together, we pay our bills together, we are committed to each other, we put each other first in our decision making- we do everything a married couple does.  So that's why I have my beliefs about getting married.

Quoting .Pagan.:

 if it isn't that important then why not call them your partner instead of husband? because people take you more seriously if you use husband than if you use boyfriend. regardless of what some think of marriage it still does have a heavy weight in much of society.


 

I agree. If marriage and titles are no big deal why lie?   

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 7:42 AM

- I don't understand it, I guess. Why call each other something you're not? If you're ok with where your relationship is I don't get the point of calling it by another name?

- This is another one of those issues that I'm just hearing about/seeing on the innanet.  I don't know anyone IRL who does this so it's never really been an issue.  

- What DID get on my nerves IRL was the tendancy for men to call their girlfriends "wifey".  I HATED it when some dude I was dating called me that.  I know too many women who have been strung along for years on "wifey".  Doing all kinds of wife shit for girlfriend benefits.  No ma'am pressed ham.  You can call me wifey when you're shopping for my ring.

- You can do whatever you want, and call yourself whatever you want.  Doesn't make it so.  As for me, I would not have co-mingled finances, purchased a home or had this man's children if we weren't married, or planning to be married.     

momoftwo0406
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 8:01 AM
The only "right" you have that we don't is the taxes and well that is not a big deal to us. Some insurance companies would have a issue naming me a spouse but others will cover me.

I'm not gonna keep this going I know that we are fully 100% covered in our life if anything happens to one of us. We are happy and live our life how we see fit. I will continue calling my SO my hubby, my DH, or whatever else I want. I'm sorry that bothers you but you will have to get over it. We are hurting no one by our lives, and if we decided to never legally get married then that's our choice. We know we are 100% committed and not going any where, nether of us could just walk away, we do have assets together.

You may feel we are playing house but I can say its much more than that. We are in this for the long run we just don't find marriage a MUST. Your not the first person to not understand my whole family don't understand but that does not change that this is my life and I don't NEED to be married. I NEED my kids and my man and that's what matters to me.


Quoting Kaybean:

You seriously don't know that married people have rights that unmarried people don't? Married people have many rights and benefits that ONLY married people have. Married people can file taxes as married, while unmarried people can't. Married people get many other spousal benefits and rights reserved only for married people. Why do you think gays fight so hard for EQUAL rights and want legal marriage so bad? They want the same tax breaks and rights as married couples. Why do you think so many people get married before entering the military? For marriage benefits. There are many rights married people have that you do not, because you aren't married.


Quoting momoftwo0406:


Would love to know what rights you think we don't have?


Quoting Kaybean:

You don't have the same rights as a married couple.



Quoting momoftwo0406:


I don't care what others think of my relationship I say I'm married because it means I don't have to go into why we have been together for 12 1/2 years and not married. We have our reasons and we don't need it we are very happy and plan on making it official when we celebrate our 20 years. We have the same rights as married couples and can make any decision that needs to be made. We have made out promise to be committed and stay together we don't need a peice of paper showing it .


We can't just "split" up everything we own we own together. No matter what we would have to split everything 50/50 we are not shelfish people and would want the other to be set to live on their own if we did deicded to not be together. We have a very healthy relationship and have two wonderful children.


So sorry you think being married is so much better but there is NO difference between what we have and what you have except you share a name and have a piece of paper that says you are married. Unless you are religious then I understand being "married", but please don't think your relationship is any better than mine.


Quoting DropZoneMom:


Shacking up/playing house is NOT the same as being married, and it's really quite sad that you think it is.   Married people make a conscious decision to promise to stay together, usually before their family/friends & their God (if they worship one).   These vows are not taken lightly, and no one enters marriage as a "joke".    Obviously, getting married is not guarantee that a relationship will last -- but at least married people were willing to make the commitment.  


Being married also makes it more difficult to just walk away -- as MOST people who shack up end up doing.   'In your eyes' doesn't come close to fact -- couples who play house have only a 20% chance of being together after 10 years.   75% of married couples (in first marriages) are still together after 10 years.


I really don't care how living-together couples refer to themselves.   But, if marriage is so useless, why do they envy it so badly that they want people to think they're married??










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Anonymous
by Anonymous 24 on May. 7, 2012 at 8:17 AM

I am going to call my neighbor Hubby.  Just because I can.  I am going to call myself Doctor too.  I am Dr. Anon.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on May. 7, 2012 at 8:24 AM

well tell this to the IRS for the past 8 years then..

Quoting Char-Bear:

 There are only about 10 states that even recognize a common law marriage and those that do have requirements you must meet as well as restrictions on how its defined for legal purposes. If you are in a state that does recognize common law marriage and then you move to a state that does not you are no longer "married" in the eyes of that state and therefore not entitled to the same benefits as a married couple.

Quoting Anonymous:

yeah try pulling that in texas if your common law married and the other person wants to be a dick. You cant just up and leave. They have a right to request a divorce.  I know this because I thought common law marriage was not around and my kids father left me and re married within 2 weeks. The child support courts kept pushing me to request for a divorce.


Quoting Char-Bear:

Wow seriously? Where did I say being married is a "safety net"? Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and learn to read? The fact is it IS much easier to simply walk away if you are not married. I never said being married means you or your spouse can't leave. Marriage and divorce are both legal processes, being boyfriend/girlfriend is not. To put it in a way your simple mind can understand... you and boyfriend share a house that's in his name even if you contribute to the mortgage its still his house. Now if you were married even if you contribute nothing half of it is yours. My whole point was that people these days do not put in the effort to make things work. When things get rough they just leave married or not.


Quoting BeiberHATER:

Quoting Char-Bear:

I don't think people should say they are married or call themselves husband and wife unless they are. Being in a comitted relationship doesn't make you married, it just makes it easier to leave if things get tough. That is what is important about having that piece of "paper". I've been married for 18 years and it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I think people forget that it takes effort to make a marriage work and that's why the divorce rate is so high. I think by not getting married people are leaving themselves an easy "out".





Why do people think that just because you are married, that is somehow more DIFFICULT for a person to walk away?! You have no idea of stupid you sound. Men and women MURDER their spouses everday. If a person truly wants OUT, they do just that... THEY WALK THE FUCK OUT!! A marriage license don't mean shit if a person is not happy.

This is where both men and women fool themselves into thinking that Marrige is somehow a SAFETY NET to never BEING LEFT!! I am having my 1st wedding anniversary next month and even I know in the mist of all my happiness, that my husband could wake up and walk out, as so could I. Get your head out your ass!!


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on May. 7, 2012 at 8:32 AM

You need to do your research to by the way. All states have to accord to full faith and credit to the laws of their sister states.  Here is the laws for common law marriage. My marriage is just as legal as yours.

Quoting Char-Bear:

 There are only about 10 states that even recognize a common law marriage and those that do have requirements you must meet as well as restrictions on how its defined for legal purposes. If you are in a state that does recognize common law marriage and then you move to a state that does not you are no longer "married" in the eyes of that state and therefore not entitled to the same benefits as a married couple.

Quoting Anonymous:

yeah try pulling that in texas if your common law married and the other person wants to be a dick. You cant just up and leave. They have a right to request a divorce.  I know this because I thought common law marriage was not around and my kids father left me and re married within 2 weeks. The child support courts kept pushing me to request for a divorce.


Quoting Char-Bear:

Wow seriously? Where did I say being married is a "safety net"? Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and learn to read? The fact is it IS much easier to simply walk away if you are not married. I never said being married means you or your spouse can't leave. Marriage and divorce are both legal processes, being boyfriend/girlfriend is not. To put it in a way your simple mind can understand... you and boyfriend share a house that's in his name even if you contribute to the mortgage its still his house. Now if you were married even if you contribute nothing half of it is yours. My whole point was that people these days do not put in the effort to make things work. When things get rough they just leave married or not.


Quoting BeiberHATER:

Quoting Char-Bear:

I don't think people should say they are married or call themselves husband and wife unless they are. Being in a comitted relationship doesn't make you married, it just makes it easier to leave if things get tough. That is what is important about having that piece of "paper". I've been married for 18 years and it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I think people forget that it takes effort to make a marriage work and that's why the divorce rate is so high. I think by not getting married people are leaving themselves an easy "out".





Why do people think that just because you are married, that is somehow more DIFFICULT for a person to walk away?! You have no idea of stupid you sound. Men and women MURDER their spouses everday. If a person truly wants OUT, they do just that... THEY WALK THE FUCK OUT!! A marriage license don't mean shit if a person is not happy.

This is where both men and women fool themselves into thinking that Marrige is somehow a SAFETY NET to never BEING LEFT!! I am having my 1st wedding anniversary next month and even I know in the mist of all my happiness, that my husband could wake up and walk out, as so could I. Get your head out your ass!!


 


ilovemykids732
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:39 AM

Me and my DH are married, and its a big thing to both of us... it really bothers HIM when someone says their 'wife' or w/e and they arent married... DH is very black and white... people who arent legally married are grey to him... he hates it...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on May. 7, 2012 at 9:04 AM

Maybe it's going to take 18 years just like your parents to get to that point to where it means something or may not happen at all.  Do what you will it doesn't affect my life in the least but it might affect your kids later down the line as it did you by your parents set example.   

Quoting neverbeamom:

That's great- I wasn't saying it doesn't mean anything to anyone.  I said it doesn't mean much to me.

Quoting raegansmom:

 Speak for yourself.  My marriage means a great deal to me & my DH.


 

Char-Bear
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM
No they do not. If they do not have a provision for common law marriage it is not a legal marriage and the state does not have to recognize it as such. Why do you think there is such an issue with same sex marriages? The same issue applies if they marry in a state where it is legal to do so and it is not legal in their state their marriage is not recognized by that state.

Quoting Anonymous:

You need to do your research to by the way. All states have to accord to full faith and credit to the laws of their sister states.  Here is the laws for common law marriage. My marriage is just as legal as yours.


Quoting Char-Bear:

 There are only about 10 states that even recognize a common law marriage and those that do have requirements you must meet as well as restrictions on how its defined for legal purposes. If you are in a state that does recognize common law marriage and then you move to a state that does not you are no longer "married" in the eyes of that state and therefore not entitled to the same benefits as a married couple.


Quoting Anonymous:


yeah try pulling that in texas if your common law married and the other person wants to be a dick. You cant just up and leave. They have a right to request a divorce.  I know this because I thought common law marriage was not around and my kids father left me and re married within 2 weeks. The child support courts kept pushing me to request for a divorce.




Quoting Char-Bear:

Wow seriously? Where did I say being married is a "safety net"? Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and learn to read? The fact is it IS much easier to simply walk away if you are not married. I never said being married means you or your spouse can't leave. Marriage and divorce are both legal processes, being boyfriend/girlfriend is not. To put it in a way your simple mind can understand... you and boyfriend share a house that's in his name even if you contribute to the mortgage its still his house. Now if you were married even if you contribute nothing half of it is yours. My whole point was that people these days do not put in the effort to make things work. When things get rough they just leave married or not.



Quoting BeiberHATER:


Quoting Char-Bear:

I don't think people should say they are married or call themselves husband and wife unless they are. Being in a comitted relationship doesn't make you married, it just makes it easier to leave if things get tough. That is what is important about having that piece of "paper". I've been married for 18 years and it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I think people forget that it takes effort to make a marriage work and that's why the divorce rate is so high. I think by not getting married people are leaving themselves an easy "out".





Why do people think that just because you are married, that is somehow more DIFFICULT for a person to walk away?! You have no idea of stupid you sound. Men and women MURDER their spouses everday. If a person truly wants OUT, they do just that... THEY WALK THE FUCK OUT!! A marriage license don't mean shit if a person is not happy.

This is where both men and women fool themselves into thinking that Marrige is somehow a SAFETY NET to never BEING LEFT!! I am having my 1st wedding anniversary next month and even I know in the mist of all my happiness, that my husband could wake up and walk out, as so could I. Get your head out your ass!!



 


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