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Payment for motherly/wifely duties???*** update in red***

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So a quick back fil was here yesterday and was fussing about my house. I've literally been on the go for. Nearly four weeks straight. My house is cluttered yes it it. There is laundry to be done but my house is NOT dirty.

He tells me that I should be ashamed. That he thinks my dh should pay be for my work as a mom and wife and that I shouldn't get paid if the house is messy or I don't cook a fabulous meal every night.

That if dh puts the kids to bed or anything like that it should be held from my "paycheck". I think this is ridiculous. Yes I'm a Sahm and I do the cleaning and MOST of the child care 9 out of 10 times dh comes home to a hot meal.

Anyway my question is do u think a Sahm should get paid for her duties. I should state my fil believes that this money should be for my food and my needs. And if I don't earn it I don't get to eat or have things I need.


UPDATE-for those of u that feel a sahm should have a SPOTLESS house yeah right. my house is what i call "company ready" at all times spotless no.  I have a life. I have a 1 year old at home and two others in school. My 1 year old has play dates and storyhour my oldest dd is in girl scouts and im the leader of her troop and we meet at my house. my ds plays tball plus i keep two little girls after school. its inpossible to keep a spotless house all the time.  so back off and come back to reality.

yes my fil is old fashoned (sp) and no my dh does not agree. like i said 9/10 times my dh has dinner waiting on him. the ONLY chore he does is takes out the trash and sometimes he will vaccume.  He helps with the kids when he gets home but guess what hes their dad and is supposed to spend time with them.  I love being a sahm and require no other payment than my families happiness and love!!!!

by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:19 AM
Replies (121-130):
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:56 PM

i am a sahm and a homeschooling mother i expect my husband to help out around the house i expect the children to help out around the house i am not a maid nor a housekeeper i am a wife and mother i will clean and i will cook but i will not do it by myself and my husband would never expect me to.  he helps with the kids and he helps with the house that is just the way my family works

by on May. 7, 2012 at 1:30 PM

I would very calmly explain to him that his opinion is wanted about as much as crap on the bottom of a shoe. Then I would ask my husband why I was still looking at the FIL when he clearly needs to be shown the door.

And as for payment, there are plenty of men that pay their wives... it is just usually after they have EX in front of the title husband and those ex-husbands get to clean their own house, (err tiny studio apartment), while they are paying the ex-wife. Sounds like right now he has a pretty sweet deal and probably shouldn't let his dad crap on it...

by Anonymous 17 on May. 7, 2012 at 1:34 PM

Your FIL is a fuckwad!!

by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:37 PM

i consider my payment for being a stay at home mom and wife the house that i dont have to work to pay for and the food i dont have to pay to eat, that being said my house is not spotless and my husband does have things hes expected to do around the house, mostly outside things like mowing the lawn and making sure the trash gets out on time! 

by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:44 PM

I would hate to be married to your FIL!  My dh and I are partners.  He works, I'm home with the three kids.  He is helping me to retrain so I can have a more family-friendly job next year when my youngest starts school. Although I do more childcare/housework, I'm not his 'employee' who can get paid or docked pay depending on how well he thinks I'm doing the childcare/housework.  We're partners.  I wouldn't have it any other way and neither would he.

by Anonymous 18 on May. 7, 2012 at 1:53 PM

I'm a SAHM, and my house is always in shambles. No, not because I'm lazy. But because I have an almost 3 year old that has a million little toys that she plays with all day long, and I refuse to constantly pick them up only to find them everywhere again. So it looks like I don't clean, when I do. I have no need to clean all day long, or to make my home "perfect". The expecations of SAHM's is ridiculous! We're here to be moms and to do the basics, maybe more if you please...but NOT being perfect or a constant maid does NOT make you any less of a contributer or mother.

I agree with the OP all the way. For all of you women who think otherwise.....take a break frombeing a SAHM once in a while, and leave it up to your SO to do it. See how much he ends up doing. I can guarantee you, he won't want to stay home and will get off your ass about it.

by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 2:02 PM

 HA...I would have laughed in his face. My FIL lives with me and I make all the money in the whole house-FULL TIME job, PLUS take very good care of two kids AND cook a hot meal every night AND keep the 5 bedroom house clean AND manage too keep my hubby happy...If he ever said to me I needed to be given an allowance??!! I would probably have smacked him right across the face initial reaction lol  

by on May. 7, 2012 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this
No, and your fil was rude. My ex-fil would do the same thing, but he's ADHD and OCD, not to mention a complete control freak. His house is always spotless, he flips put f anything at all is out of place. He cleans the toilets every single day, has vacuumed holes in his carpet, he comes home from his multiple jobs, cleans, the goes off to his next job.

I am not too great with housework thanks to being in constant pain but I do my best. A sparkling house honestly isn't top on my list right now, but dh doesn't mind. I have a higher standard of clean than he does anyway haha. The paycheck thing is just silly. Your dh is not your boss, he's your partner.
by on May. 7, 2012 at 2:49 PM

I didn't read it cuz I'm having ad ADD fit. I do want to say that being paid for sex from your husband is only ok if it's a sexy game you're both into. Otherwise it's degrading. IMO, and based on just the title of the post.

by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 3:06 PM
If dh doesn't care then I wouldnt let the old man get to you
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