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Payment for motherly/wifely duties???*** update in red***

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So a quick back story....my fil was here yesterday and was fussing about my house. I've literally been on the go for. Nearly four weeks straight. My house is cluttered yes it it. There is laundry to be done but my house is NOT dirty.

He tells me that I should be ashamed. That he thinks my dh should pay be for my work as a mom and wife and that I shouldn't get paid if the house is messy or I don't cook a fabulous meal every night.

That if dh puts the kids to bed or anything like that it should be held from my "paycheck". I think this is ridiculous. Yes I'm a Sahm and I do the cleaning and MOST of the child care 9 out of 10 times dh comes home to a hot meal.

Anyway my question is do u think a Sahm should get paid for her duties. I should state my fil believes that this money should be for my food and my needs. And if I don't earn it I don't get to eat or have things I need.

 

UPDATE-for those of u that feel a sahm should have a SPOTLESS house yeah right. my house is what i call "company ready" at all times spotless no.  I have a life. I have a 1 year old at home and two others in school. My 1 year old has play dates and storyhour my oldest dd is in girl scouts and im the leader of her troop and we meet at my house. my ds plays tball plus i keep two little girls after school. its inpossible to keep a spotless house all the time.  so back off and come back to reality.

yes my fil is old fashoned (sp) and no my dh does not agree. like i said 9/10 times my dh has dinner waiting on him. the ONLY chore he does is takes out the trash and sometimes he will vaccume.  He helps with the kids when he gets home but guess what hes their dad and is supposed to spend time with them.  I love being a sahm and require no other payment than my families happiness and love!!!!

by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:19 AM
Replies (41-50):
chloesmommy777
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:55 AM

Yes, I totally can relate, but you can be nice while puting your foot down... I just used the term, "Dick," (on purpose, mind you... lol!,) as a slot for his real name... I got your back, trust me... I have been there, in deed!

Quoting gomomgomom:

I should have but I was biting my tounge trying to be nice and respectful lol. Trying to be a good girl.

Quoting chloesmommy777:

Your fil sounds like an a-hole and has no business in this matter. Say this, "Dick, I can kinda appreciate your concern, but I'm too busy with the chores to have this conversation with you. When I'm finished, maybe we can talk about this over dinner or coffee... but right now, I'd very much appreciate it if you'd leave as I have a TON of work to do, as you've noticed. :)"


Mommy2BeAmy
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:57 AM

I never heard of a wife/mom doing this stuff for anything less than the love she has in her heart for her family and she simply wants the best for them and keep smiles on their faces.

My husband looks at this with much appreciation and takes me for dinners, movies, and buys me gifts, but the best payment of all is to say "I love you". As a loving wife, we should expect nothing more. 

It sounds like your FIL didn't have a happy marriage..what does your husband say?

Quoting gomomgomom:

I wish this were a joke. He went on and on about if for like three hours. Finally dh got home from work and he left. I was trying to be nice but I was about to lose it on him.

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

LOL Is this a joke? NO. 

Why would you be paid to take care if YOUR OWN kids, YOUR OWN home, and YOUR OWN husband? Just sign them off as belonging to someone else if you're going to be paid for doing these things.

I never heard of something more rediculous in my life.


mommy74146
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 7:58 AM
Um NO! He's going to work do you don't have to. You don't have to pay any bills. That IS your payment for your wifely duties.
chevsmom
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:58 AM

 well first of all he sounds like a weirdo.... not to be rude! glad i dont a FIL like that geezzz...... and if we did get paid we would all be rich!!! And let me tell you something else if your nething like me you would earn just enough taking care of the kids not including meals, cleaning and laundry! wow i wouldv told him off this has me fired up! You know what i tell my boyfriend.."scarlett has two parents not just one". it sounds like your FIL thinks that should do everything by urslef and thats not how it works. My boyfriend works all day and when he comes in sometimes he cooks and he always takes care of scarlett. The evenings are all to myself. So dont listen to what he says.. i say hes wakooooo

gomomgomom
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:58 AM
I agree my kids smiles and my dh affection is all I need. Although I don't wanna starve to death either lol. My dh thinks the idea is crazy he appreciates everything i do.

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

I never heard of a wife/mom doing this stuff for anything less than the love she has in her heart for her family and she simply wants the best for them and keep smiles on their faces.

My husband looks at this with much appreciation and takes me for dinners, movies, and buys me gifts, but the best payment of all is to say "I love you". As a loving wife, we should expect nothing more. 

It sounds like your FIL didn't have a happy marriage..what does your husband say?


Quoting gomomgomom:

I wish this were a joke. He went on and on about if for like three hours. Finally dh got home from work and he left. I was trying to be nice but I was about to lose it on him.



Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

LOL Is this a joke? NO. 

Why would you be paid to take care if YOUR OWN kids, YOUR OWN home, and YOUR OWN husband? Just sign them off as belonging to someone else if you're going to be paid for doing these things.

I never heard of something more rediculous in my life.


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stellarmom1
by on May. 7, 2012 at 7:59 AM
That is dumb. As a married couple you share finances, I don't think you can put a dollar amount on being a mom. Saying that I do believe you should keep your house clean.
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singlemom1208
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:00 AM
Your fil sounds old fashioned. I'm not a SAHM so I think you should do what works for you and dh.
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Paperfishies
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:00 AM
IMO there is no excuse for the home of a SAHM to be a mess.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mommy2BeAmy
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:00 AM

I dont think pops took his meds in the morning, lol.

Quoting gomomgomom:

I agree my kids smiles and my dh affection is all I need. Although I don't wanna starve to death either lol. My dh thinks the idea is crazy he appreciates everything i do.

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

I never heard of a wife/mom doing this stuff for anything less than the love she has in her heart for her family and she simply wants the best for them and keep smiles on their faces.

My husband looks at this with much appreciation and takes me for dinners, movies, and buys me gifts, but the best payment of all is to say "I love you". As a loving wife, we should expect nothing more. 

It sounds like your FIL didn't have a happy marriage..what does your husband say?


Quoting gomomgomom:

I wish this were a joke. He went on and on about if for like three hours. Finally dh got home from work and he left. I was trying to be nice but I was about to lose it on him.



Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

LOL Is this a joke? NO. 

Why would you be paid to take care if YOUR OWN kids, YOUR OWN home, and YOUR OWN husband? Just sign them off as belonging to someone else if you're going to be paid for doing these things.

I never heard of something more rediculous in my life.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 7, 2012 at 8:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting chloesmommy777:

Your fil sounds like an a-hole and has no business in this matter. Say this, "Dick, I can kinda appreciate your concern, but I'm too busy with the chores to have this conversation with you. When I'm finished, maybe we can talk about this over dinner or coffee... but right now, I'd very much appreciate it if you'd leave as I have a TON of work to do, as you've noticed. :)"




My FIL gives me crap about my housekeeping too. It's not like he's any good at cleaning, I'm always stealth dusting and stuff when I go over there because he has thick layers of dust all over the place, but if I have a pile of papers waiting to be filed or I didn't vacuum under the edge of the couch properly he always brings it up.

I mention this because his name is actually Dick and it suits him!
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