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I am responsible for my sons death

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When my husband and I first got married we got pregnant really fast. Our son was born 10 months to the day after our wedding. He was perfect and we were in love with him. I exclusivley breastfed him and really enjoyed that bonding it gave me. When he was 8 weeks old I put him in his crib after nursing him at around 10pm. I was used to him waking up every 2 hours to nurse so at around 12:30 when I didn't hear him stirring or crying for me to come feed him I just decided that maybe he was going to start sleeping longer and took advantage of the time in bed. However, at 4am when I suddenly woke and realized that he had not cried for me at all I ran into his room to check on him. When I found him he was not breathing and completely still. I started screaming for my husband to come in and call 911. He was pronounced dead when the paramedics arrived. After the autopsy they determined that he had died at around 1am. If I only would have gone in to check on him when I first woke up he may still be alive. I completely blame myself for his death. I miss him everyday and wonder what he would look like. He would be turning 6 in July. We have been blessed with 2 other daughters who are healthy and beautiful. I know some of you are going to say that this is a troll post but I assure you it is not. I really wish it was. I have heard some pretty hurtful things over the years about my responsibility for his death and that I was being lazy. Nothing any of you ladies can say is going to break my heart more than it already is. I just really felt like getting it out. I don't talk about it ever because it is the most difficult thing that has happened to me.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Replies (31-40):
by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:03 AM
I am so sorry for your loss and ongoing struggle. It is not your fault. You made a perfectly logical assumption based on his age and just what babies do. If you thought he was going to start sleeping longer why would you wake him? You wouldn't. Baby rule #1 never wake a sleeping baby. Don't blame yourself it was an unfortunate event that was a result of circumstances beyond your control. Get some help to heal. You have two beautiful girls who love and need you. Be the best that you can be for them. Your baby is in a good place. I hope you find peace. Good luck and God bless :)
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by Anonymous 3 on May. 7, 2012 at 11:03 AM
Did you post this before?
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:04 AM

I am sorry for your loss (forgot to put it in my post to you). 

It is sad that we have to worry about being bashed on here.  SIDS sucks and parent should ever have to bury a child.

Quoting Anonymous:

they determined it was SIDS - for those asking

and thank you all for your kind words. I was really expecting to get nailed to the cross especially in this group.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:04 AM
:( oh honey it isn't your fault.
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by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM

This.....and *hugs* was not your fault.

Quoting lalalandlady2:

you are not responsible at all.  do you know how many mothers do the same thing?  i can assure you that probably 99% do.  i know i did.  i remember waking up and thinking 'yay i get to sleep some more'.  i was lucky in that it was a different outcome than yours.  i am so sorry for your loss.  you did nothing wrong.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:06 AM

it's not your fault, so sorry this happened to you :(

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:06 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, don't blame yourself :( hugs
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by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Even if she did, it is okay.  Sometimes we need to let it out.  I know I post about my sons passing away.  If you are trying to start drama, please don't.  There are plenty of other posts out there for that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Did you post this before?

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:08 AM

First off, I am so sorry for your loss! And for the tremendous guilt you feel! It was not your fault! I probably would have done the same thing! As a new mom, I tend to take advantage of whatever sleep I can get! I am sure you were exhausted! Every 2 hours doesn't get you much sleep, really, and your body can only take so much before it has to take a break! I can imagine the thoughts that go through your mind surrounding this, and I know I would also have them too, but it really is in no way your fault!

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Losing a baby is probably the worse feeling in the world. Please don't blame yourself for your son's death.
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