When my husband and I first got married we got pregnant really fast. Our son was born 10 months to the day after our wedding. He was perfect and we were in love with him. I exclusivley breastfed him and really enjoyed that bonding it gave me. When he was 8 weeks old I put him in his crib after nursing him at around 10pm. I was used to him waking up every 2 hours to nurse so at around 12:30 when I didn't hear him stirring or crying for me to come feed him I just decided that maybe he was going to start sleeping longer and took advantage of the time in bed. However, at 4am when I suddenly woke and realized that he had not cried for me at all I ran into his room to check on him. When I found him he was not breathing and completely still. I started screaming for my husband to come in and call 911. He was pronounced dead when the paramedics arrived. After the autopsy they determined that he had died at around 1am. If I only would have gone in to check on him when I first woke up he may still be alive. I completely blame myself for his death. I miss him everyday and wonder what he would look like. He would be turning 6 in July. We have been blessed with 2 other daughters who are healthy and beautiful. I know some of you are going to say that this is a troll post but I assure you it is not. I really wish it was. I have heard some pretty hurtful things over the years about my responsibility for his death and that I was being lazy. Nothing any of you ladies can say is going to break my heart more than it already is. I just really felt like getting it out. I don't talk about it ever because it is the most difficult thing that has happened to me.