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ATTN: CHRISTIANS-I have a moral dilemma and need advise...EDIT-THANK YOU

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I have prayed and prayed asking God for forgiveness for my sins...both past and present! I have recently returned to church and have been reading the bible regularly! However..

I have three children, two are from a previous relationship that I ended when it became abusive. The father of the third child and I have been living together as a married couple for 9 years now. But we are not married! I want to be married with all my heart and soul, but whenever I bring it up he just says "it will happen." it's been 9 years, and it still hasn't happened!! I am so distressed by this lately, I am not sure what is more sinful...to continue to stay with him knowing he may never marry me, or to leave him! God help me, I live him so much! I live my children, but I am trying to change my ways and live my life the way God intends me to. I want God to forgive me, and to forgive the bad choices I have made throughout my life! I was not raised with any religious teachings and have sought out God and Jesus on my own...please give me some advise! Point me in the right direction! What do I do?

EDIT:
Thank you all so much for your word of advise and for sharing your knowledge with me! I will continue to pray for guidance, I will speak to my pastor and to my SO. I want to do right by God from here forward! I will do as HE directs me. Thank you! May God Bless each and every one of you for helping a lost soul in the search for the path of righteousness and forgiveness!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Replies (41-50):
louzannalady
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this

No practicing, active Catholic believes that premarital sex is NOT a sin! If you think it is and are Catholic, please, read the Catechism and seek counsel with your religious leader, so they can help you better understand this teaching. 

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

Quoting marchantmom06:

But seeing as we are the first Christians wouldn't our views be the right ones???

And show me the scripture.

Quoting Anonymous:

The Bible mentions more times that I can count fornication is a sin. I don't care what your interpretation is. I'm going by His word. Catholics have their own interpretations of thing other denominations don't.
Quoting marchantmom06:

I'm a very strict catholic and it isn't in the bible that sec before marriage is a sin.




Quoting Anonymous:

According to the Bible it is. You may not feel it is but she's specifically asking about the religious aspect.



Quoting marchantmom06:

No it's not








Quoting Anonymous:

Premarital sex is a sin.









Quoting marchantmom06:

What exactly about living with him is sinful to you?







Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

masonsmommy107
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Just start planing it he'll get the idea
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this

{{HUGS}}

I have a friend who went through a similar situation.  She had 5 children with her boyfriend (and 1 with another man) before she became a Christian.  She insisted that her BF marry her to make the relationship right in the eyes of God.  While I understand where she was coming from, I think that she rushed her BF into making the decision.  She should have been working up to marriage long before they had so many children together.  She decided that she would live in the same household as him, but not be intimate.  He left, and she is struggling to raise 6 children on her own.  (He will not even pay CS.)

I believe that the general idea of marriage is something that should be discussed early in the relationship, to find out the other person's attitude toward it.  I certainly think that you should discuss it before children enter the picture.  My advice to you:  gently ease him into the idea of marriage.  If you never really discussed it in depth before, he may run for the hills when you bring it up now.  Encourage him to adopt a Christian lifestyle too.  Talk to your pastor or religious minister for advice.  Good luck.

Anjlmom32
by on May. 7, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Thank you. I really wish I had a relationship with God sooner, so I could have made better choices. I do talk to him (SO) about marriage often, and he seems to understand how I feel...but, up until recently, it was for selfish reasons that I wanted to marry. Since returning to church and reading the bible (only within the last month sadly) I have been awakened to just how much sin was in my life! I knelt last night before God and in tears of shame kept asking him over and over to forgive me my ignorance and my sinful life! To show me HIS way and lead me towards a better life, to help me to repent for my sins! I am feeling the weight of shame on my shoulders and continue to ask God to help me lift it, that I might someday walk with HIM in the light of Heaven. I am new to town and have no one else to go to...other than a few friends that I have made thru my church, but feel awkward approaching them so soon with this...not sure why...

All I know for certain is that I have this need to cleanse myself of my sins, to return my life to God and Jesus and hope its not too late...


Quoting Anonymous:

{{HUGS}}

I have a friend who went through a similar situation.  She had 5 children with her boyfriend (and 1 with another man) before she became a Christian.  She insisted that her BF marry her to make the relationship right in the eyes of God.  While I understand where she was coming from, I think that she rushed her BF into making the decision.  She should have been working up to marriage long before they had so many children together.  She decided that she would live in the same household as him, but not be intimate.  He left, and she is struggling to raise 6 children on her own.  (He will not even pay CS.)

I believe that the general idea of marriage is something that should be discussed early in the relationship, to find out the other person's attitude toward it.  I certainly think that you should discuss it before children enter the picture.  My advice to you:  gently ease him into the idea of marriage.  If you never really discussed it in depth before, he may run for the hills when you bring it up now.  Encourage him to adopt a Christian lifestyle too.  Talk to your pastor or religious minister for advice.  Good luck.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
marchantmom06
by on May. 7, 2012 at 2:29 PM
Why don't you go talk to your priest..... See what he says.


Quoting Anonymous:

Based on that comment, you just want to start drama.



Here's a site with several scriptural references http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001334.cfm



Quoting marchantmom06:

But seeing as we are the first Christians wouldn't our views be the right ones???

And show me the scripture.



Quoting Anonymous:

The Bible mentions more times that I can count fornication is a sin. I don't care what your interpretation is. I'm going by His word. Catholics have their own interpretations of thing other denominations don't.
Quoting marchantmom06:

I'm a very strict catholic and it isn't in the bible that sec before marriage is a sin.




Quoting Anonymous:

According to the Bible it is. You may not feel it is but she's specifically asking about the religious aspect.



Quoting marchantmom06:

No it's not








Quoting Anonymous:

Premarital sex is a sin.









Quoting marchantmom06:

What exactly about living with him is sinful to you?













Posted on CafeMom Mobile
louzannalady
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2012 at 2:35 PM
1 mom liked this

*hug* I just want to reassure you. That if you do whatever is God's will in your life and you strive to keep His commandments, you will be so blessed! I know, it may be scary or difficult at first, but I would be really clear with SO that you are needing this in order to feel whole in the eyes of God. I would also counsel with your religious leader. He or she will be able to give additional support and insight, that will help you make choices about what o do. *hug* Best wishes. 

Quoting Anjlmom32:

Thank you. I really wish I had a relationship with God sooner, so I could have made better choices. I do talk to him (SO) about marriage often, and he seems to understand how I feel...but, up until recently, it was for selfish reasons that I wanted to marry. Since returning to church and reading the bible (only within the last month sadly) I have been awakened to just how much sin was in my life! I knelt last night before God and in tears of shame kept asking him over and over to forgive me my ignorance and my sinful life! To show me HIS way and lead me towards a better life, to help me to repent for my sins! I am feeling the weight of shame on my shoulders and continue to ask God to help me lift it, that I might someday walk with HIM in the light of Heaven. I am new to town and have no one else to go to...other than a few friends that I have made thru my church, but feel awkward approaching them so soon with this...not sure why...

All I know for certain is that I have this need to cleanse myself of my sins, to return my life to God and Jesus and hope its not too late...


Quoting Anonymous:

{{HUGS}}

I have a friend who went through a similar situation.  She had 5 children with her boyfriend (and 1 with another man) before she became a Christian.  She insisted that her BF marry her to make the relationship right in the eyes of God.  While I understand where she was coming from, I think that she rushed her BF into making the decision.  She should have been working up to marriage long before they had so many children together.  She decided that she would live in the same household as him, but not be intimate.  He left, and she is struggling to raise 6 children on her own.  (He will not even pay CS.)

I believe that the general idea of marriage is something that should be discussed early in the relationship, to find out the other person's attitude toward it.  I certainly think that you should discuss it before children enter the picture.  My advice to you:  gently ease him into the idea of marriage.  If you never really discussed it in depth before, he may run for the hills when you bring it up now.  Encourage him to adopt a Christian lifestyle too.  Talk to your pastor or religious minister for advice.  Good luck.



Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 7, 2012 at 3:02 PM
Not catholic, don't have a priestc, but my pastor says it is, so does every other non catholic I know.

Quoting marchantmom06:

Why don't you go talk to your priest..... See what he says.




Quoting Anonymous:

Based on that comment, you just want to start drama.





Here's a site with several scriptural references http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001334.cfm





Quoting marchantmom06:

But seeing as we are the first Christians wouldn't our views be the right ones???

And show me the scripture.




Quoting Anonymous:

The Bible mentions more times that I can count fornication is a sin. I don't care what your interpretation is. I'm going by His word. Catholics have their own interpretations of thing other denominations don't.
Quoting marchantmom06:

I'm a very strict catholic and it isn't in the bible that sec before marriage is a sin.




Quoting Anonymous:

According to the Bible it is. You may not feel it is but she's specifically asking about the religious aspect.



Quoting marchantmom06:

No it's not








Quoting Anonymous:

Premarital sex is a sin.









Quoting marchantmom06:

What exactly about living with him is sinful to you?
















Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 7, 2012 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this
no christian believes this isn't a sin

Quoting louzannalady:

No practicing, active Catholic believes that premarital sex is NOT a sin! If you think it is and are Catholic, please, read the Catechism and seek counsel with your religious leader, so they can help you better understand this teaching. 

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm


Quoting marchantmom06:

But seeing as we are the first Christians wouldn't our views be the right ones???

And show me the scripture.


Quoting Anonymous:

The Bible mentions more times that I can count fornication is a sin. I don't care what your interpretation is. I'm going by His word. Catholics have their own interpretations of thing other denominations don't.
Quoting marchantmom06:

I'm a very strict catholic and it isn't in the bible that sec before marriage is a sin.




Quoting Anonymous:

According to the Bible it is. You may not feel it is but she's specifically asking about the religious aspect.



Quoting marchantmom06:

No it's not








Quoting Anonymous:

Premarital sex is a sin.









Quoting marchantmom06:

What exactly about living with him is sinful to you?










amy0306
by on May. 7, 2012 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I haven't read any of the replies. Here's my 2 cents.

I grew up in the church. I just recently went back. I am going through a divorce and I was so confused and felt like I was going against everything I was brought up to believe in. This led me back to God. I have found that if your intentions are true and your heart is pure God will honor that. There is a plan. God has a plan and since you don't know what God has in store for you tomorrow just sit back and trust him that he will work all things out for good.

Yes the Bible says to not live in sin and to be married, but the Bible was written a long time ago and things have changed. You need to yes, read the word but I also believe that you need to trust your relationship with God and his talks that he has with you. Remember your pastor is a man. He is there for guidance. Not everything he will say is perfect nor do you have to follow.

If your true heart's desire is to marry your SO and that is God's plan it will happen in his time. I am not saying with this sit back and wait and do nothing. Definitely talk to your pastor, talk to your SO and express your wants but don't think that it's going to happen over night. Be patient. Read the word and talk to God.

I think it's beautiful that you found the Lord and you so want to follow his word and serve him. It's really a beautiful thing. But just keep in mind, that for the loved ones around you it is a big adjustment and there may be some resistance. If you want to chat PM me. God bless.

amy0306
by on May. 7, 2012 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this

God is NEVER too busy for his children.

Quoting Anonymous:

Breathe. I think god must be busy dealing with worse problems. If you love the guy and he's good to you and your kids, then don't worry about a piece of paper.


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