UPDATE ON 5-31 because we're poor..instead of replying, update reason why I don't just "become single"
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I waited 6 years to go to the doctor for my hemmohroids. I have to push a large one back in EVERY day. I guess I have to have surgery. Surgery we can't afford and I have to have a colonoscopy 15 years before most people. I have to wait for specialists to call me and then I have to worry about the bills when we don't generally have 2 nickels to rub together. "so get rid of the internet" It's included in our rent,as is our tv. We don't have cell phones, so we can't get rid of that bill, my husband's job doesn't offer health insurance and because we're an intact family, neither one of us qualifies for state medical assistance. I know a bunch of you women say oh well, your problem. And you're right, it is mine and my family's problem. Just thought I'd share that not everyone is sitting pretty with their Gucci bags and nice shoes. Some of us have to stress about our health because we can't afford the help we need.
Getting a divorce or even "just" moving out isn't an option for me. My whole family has experienced way too much in the past year. I can't traumatize my daughter like that. She's almost 6 and has gone through enough emotionally lately. The biggest was the death of her closest grandfather. It was VERY sudden, about 10 months ago and she still gets upset almost daily. Some days she's curled in a ball sobbing because of that loss. She stresses about death, it's something we're helping her through. We can't afford seperate households and our daughter would break if that happened. We are to offer stability to our children.
The reason I know I need a colonoscopy and surgery is because I went to the doctor yesterday. We can't afford it, that's my stress, but the fear of dying made me go and will continue me going until I have things taken care of. I'm looking into seeing about qualifying for a grant. If I don't, into collections the bills will go.
UPDATE 5-31
On Tuesday I had the largest hemmorhoid banded. Now I'm doped up on vicoden. I'm in pain, but it's bearable. I submitted my application for the grant and I'll hear back in 6-8 weeks. I have decided it truly doesn't matter if we get it, we'll do what we need to do to stay healthy. Thank you to those who supported me and screw you to those who have judged. Your day will come.
Quoting MommyAnnaBanana:
That really sucks and I'm sorry.
What sucks the most right now is the fear that something is seriously wrong with me and that potentially because we can't afford for me to go to the doctor, I waited too long and my children won't have me around to raise them. Just because we're financially poor doesn't mean my children don't deserve their mom. That's my fear.
leaving baby alone while i do laundry?