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Would You Adopt??

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband and I have two kids and we are done procreating at this point. I have medical issues that prevent me from having more children. We always said we would have three kids either biologically ours or from adoption. I feel like part of me is gone now that I wont ever have another child growing in my body but also I could save a child from growing up in a bad place or with parents who dont love him/her.

Im very torn, i honestly dont know what to do or what our next chapter brings. Can anyone relate
Posted by Anonymous on May. 9, 2012 at 10:12 AM
Replies (31-40):
tifbrown
by on May. 9, 2012 at 11:42 AM
I have seen adoption work. It is amazing. My aunt and uncle adopted two kids and it has been nothing short of positively life changing. They both know they are adopted, but their parents don't treat them as such. You would never know if they didn't tell you. The life they have now as opposed to the life they could have had is sooo vastly different. Adopting a child is a gift to the child and to your family. Look into it, learn about it and make a good decision for all of you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
dawnjohnson5
by Ruby Member on May. 9, 2012 at 11:49 AM
We are adopting my step cousins lil boy.

It was not a planned event because we already have five of our own, but I wouldn't change a thing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 9, 2012 at 1:18 PM


Quoting SDarvasi:

I KNOW the difference, duh. But the fact is....although I know not EVERY mother who keeps her baby rather than abort them is going to "abandon" their child...a lot of the mothers who DON'T want to be mothers will opt for adoption. And not ALL of those babies will get adopted. And a lot of them end up in foster care. Therefore, just adding to the children already there, waiting for someone to care.

And not ALL of the kids in foster care come with "baggage". SOme of those kids were abandoned at a young age and don't know anything else other than the foster home. Some of those kids were tken from parents who weren't providing the necessities. SOme of those kids lost their parents for whatever reason, death or  dissabbility....and they aren't ALL messed up to a point where adopting them, and loving them wouldn't be just what they need to make it in life. So what? Them "having baggage" if they do, is enough for people to NOT adopt them? Yet, these same people overlooking a lot of those kids that NEED loving homes, are the same ones usually who tell a woman what they THINK she should or should not do with her own pregnancy.

 

Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.

I do not take this issue lightly at all. I think the whole system is messed up. I would adopt, or at least run a foster home myself, if I was financially able to.

My mom's SO's SIL ran one for many years. She took in kids ages 7-18, and raised them as a part of her family. Sometimes 3 or 4 at a time....had her own kids too. And it was a wonderful thing. If MORE people did things like that...we wouldn't have so many issues with the backlog of children being forgotten about and neglected and abused in the care of the State.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting SDarvasi:

I;m not too sure, but it's fucking stupid. Too many people that can't adopt for stupid reasons that restrict them...but they can easily bring home a child from another country.

Boggles MY mind...which is another reason why i am pro-choice when it comes to abortion, because the last thing we need is hundreds of extra abandoned children every year that no one can adopt.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is it true that it is harder to adopt state side than it is to adopt from another country? Why is that!

Quoting SDarvasi:

I support pro-choice...but I am also all for adoption. There are far too many kids already HERE that need homes, and If I could afford it, I would adopt too!

 

Adopting older children from foster care, and domestic infant adoption are 2 totally different things.  

Children in foster care have ISSUES becuase their parents have issues - you can't just "love" them away - and "just enjoying" them while they are with you is totally uneducated (that was a PP not you).   You have to be prepared to deal with the baggage, yes, baggage, they are saddled with at very young ages.

"easily bring them home from another country" - last I heard the wait to adopt from China is 8, (yes, EIGHT) years.   And that's after background checks etc., not to mention travel - can you imagine a long flight with a child who just met you and doesn't speak the same language?

As for "hundreds of abandoned children"  people CAN adopt.   And, just because someone doesn't have an abortion doesn't mean they are going to abandon their child.   They may place them for adoption and they may successfully parent.   Some may also unsuccessfully parent and either abandon or have the state take them.

Sorry - I just think some of you are taking the whole issue too lightly.  

Those of you who say you would never consider adopting - I'm glad you recognize it, and hope you never do!

 

Actually, if you DON'T have the money to adopt internationally - you don't even go on the list.   No clue if celebrity makes a difference, but haven't seen many celebrities adopting internationally lately either.   All domestic.   And, all closed.  DUH.

As for baggage - survival is first.   Many times adoptive parents don't know about the extent of issues kids have been living with until the adoption is final.   Social workers don't always know either.    Neither do the foster parents.   RAD, ODD are real, and don't always rear their ugly heads until  true emotional security is available.

Babies and young children are seldom available for adoption through foster care - RU (rightly so) is the goal of foster care.  

How many times have you tried to adopt from "the system" any of those hundredes of abandoned babies.   Because I'm telling you - they aren't there.   What is there are broken, hurt, and yes, abandoned children who need healing.   And it takes time and effort.

and, I'm not telling ANYONE how to deal with their pregnancy - but YOU shouldn't b   telling people to take in children who may have issues they can't handle.

As for your MIL's SO's SIL - I'm sure she hasn't told you the whole unvarnished truth about some of the stuf she's seen.   Because it's important to keep that stuff private.   It's the kid's story to tell, not the FP's.

And, as far as being able to "afford" to FP - FPs get money to care for the kids, I mean really, isn't why they do it anyway, for they extra $$$$????????? So go for it .....

Sorry, Sunshine - your POV is one of the reasons kids are not getting the help they need.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 9, 2012 at 1:27 PM
I'd rather adopt than have a bio of my own personally
SDarvasi
by Sarah Berri ♥ on May. 9, 2012 at 1:33 PM


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SDarvasi:

I KNOW the difference, duh. But the fact is....although I know not EVERY mother who keeps her baby rather than abort them is going to "abandon" their child...a lot of the mothers who DON'T want to be mothers will opt for adoption. And not ALL of those babies will get adopted. And a lot of them end up in foster care. Therefore, just adding to the children already there, waiting for someone to care.

And not ALL of the kids in foster care come with "baggage". SOme of those kids were abandoned at a young age and don't know anything else other than the foster home. Some of those kids were tken from parents who weren't providing the necessities. SOme of those kids lost their parents for whatever reason, death or  dissabbility....and they aren't ALL messed up to a point where adopting them, and loving them wouldn't be just what they need to make it in life. So what? Them "having baggage" if they do, is enough for people to NOT adopt them? Yet, these same people overlooking a lot of those kids that NEED loving homes, are the same ones usually who tell a woman what they THINK she should or should not do with her own pregnancy.


Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.

I do not take this issue lightly at all. I think the whole system is messed up. I would adopt, or at least run a foster home myself, if I was financially able to.

My mom's SO's SIL ran one for many years. She took in kids ages 7-18, and raised them as a part of her family. Sometimes 3 or 4 at a time....had her own kids too. And it was a wonderful thing. If MORE people did things like that...we wouldn't have so many issues with the backlog of children being forgotten about and neglected and abused in the care of the State.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SDarvasi:

I;m not too sure, but it's fucking stupid. Too many people that can't adopt for stupid reasons that restrict them...but they can easily bring home a child from another country.

Boggles MY mind...which is another reason why i am pro-choice when it comes to abortion, because the last thing we need is hundreds of extra abandoned children every year that no one can adopt.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is it true that it is harder to adopt state side than it is to adopt from another country? Why is that!

Quoting SDarvasi:

I support pro-choice...but I am also all for adoption. There are far too many kids already HERE that need homes, and If I could afford it, I would adopt too!


Adopting older children from foster care, and domestic infant adoption are 2 totally different things.  

Children in foster care have ISSUES becuase their parents have issues - you can't just "love" them away - and "just enjoying" them while they are with you is totally uneducated (that was a PP not you).   You have to be prepared to deal with the baggage, yes, baggage, they are saddled with at very young ages.

"easily bring them home from another country" - last I heard the wait to adopt from China is 8, (yes, EIGHT) years.   And that's after background checks etc., not to mention travel - can you imagine a long flight with a child who just met you and doesn't speak the same language?

As for "hundreds of abandoned children"  people CAN adopt.   And, just because someone doesn't have an abortion doesn't mean they are going to abandon their child.   They may place them for adoption and they may successfully parent.   Some may also unsuccessfully parent and either abandon or have the state take them.

Sorry - I just think some of you are taking the whole issue too lightly.  

Those of you who say you would never consider adopting - I'm glad you recognize it, and hope you never do!


Actually, if you DON'T have the money to adopt internationally - you don't even go on the list.   No clue if celebrity makes a difference, but haven't seen many celebrities adopting internationally lately either.   All domestic.   And, all closed.  DUH.

As for baggage - survival is first.   Many times adoptive parents don't know about the extent of issues kids have been living with until the adoption is final.   Social workers don't always know either.    Neither do the foster parents.   RAD, ODD are real, and don't always rear their ugly heads until  true emotional security is available.

Babies and young children are seldom available for adoption through foster care - RU (rightly so) is the goal of foster care.  

How many times have you tried to adopt from "the system" any of those hundredes of abandoned babies.   Because I'm telling you - they aren't there.   What is there are broken, hurt, and yes, abandoned children who need healing.   And it takes time and effort.

and, I'm not telling ANYONE how to deal with their pregnancy - but YOU shouldn't b   telling people to take in children who may have issues they can't handle.

As for your MIL's SO's SIL - I'm sure she hasn't told you the whole unvarnished truth about some of the stuf she's seen.   Because it's important to keep that stuff private.   It's the kid's story to tell, not the FP's.

And, as far as being able to "afford" to FP - FPs get money to care for the kids, I mean really, isn't why they do it anyway, for they extra $$$$????????? So go for it .....

Sorry, Sunshine - your POV is one of the reasons kids are not getting the help they need.

To an extent, I agree. But my point of view is just that. A point of view. It is no way contributing to the downfall of society. I don't live in a big enough home to be able to provide for more than the kids I have right now. Maybe when they're older and we are more financially stable, sure.

And once again...I understand babies are the first to go. But there are plenty of children who have been waiting and waiting and waiting...and no one comes. Is it any wonder half of these kids have metal issues?? It's not all just from why they;re there in the first place. 

I'm not telling people that they HAVE to go and adopt. I'm just saying that if people are turning a blind eye to the children that are in need NOW...the children sitting around waiting for someone to love them...the forgotten ones.....why do those people feel the need to tell a woman she is wrong for having an abortion?? They always say "adoption is an option."...but not all babies get adopted. People are picky. And we all know this.


I know fostering children isn't a piece of cake. Yes, I'm sure there is plenty of shit she had to deal with through her years of fostering...but to this day, she says it was all worth it. She would never have decided NOT to do it. It is rewarding to know that she may have changed the lives of at least SOME of them, if not most. Isn't THAT worth enough?

People are so afraid to adopt a child that has been abandoned and abused, because it takes work?

Um...well, isn't that a little selfish then? Isn't the whole point of adopting, a chance to raise a child someone else decided not to? Why must the kids be new, and untainted by reality? 

If I had a bigger home and was able to, I would adopt. I would also have to speak with my SO about it too to make sure he was on the same page.


ALSO....I will have to correct you. I know plenty of women, especially in here...when debating against abortion, and asked why they don't adopt...they say "we've tried....many times...they just won't approve it"....so therefore, it ISN'T as easy as you think. Just because they "can't" it doesn't mean there aren't any babies available. If anything, there are hundreds of women who put their babies up for adoption around the world on a regular basis....but you can't just be some regular joe and expect to walk away with a brand new baby. It takes time for you to prove to them you are capable of being a proper caregiver....and then again, sometimes, it's the picky parents to be that want only specific looking kids. I bet you there are more minority infants and children waiting to be adopted than causcasion. Look at the statistics.

It's just reality. My POV doesn't drag it down any further than it already is. I wish things could be different. But unfortunatley....I can't change the entire Adoption Agency and FOster Care situation.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 9, 2012 at 1:54 PM


Quoting SDarvasi:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting SDarvasi:

I KNOW the difference, duh. But the fact is....although I know not EVERY mother who keeps her baby rather than abort them is going to "abandon" their child...a lot of the mothers who DON'T want to be mothers will opt for adoption. And not ALL of those babies will get adopted. And a lot of them end up in foster care. Therefore, just adding to the children already there, waiting for someone to care.

And not ALL of the kids in foster care come with "baggage". SOme of those kids were abandoned at a young age and don't know anything else other than the foster home. Some of those kids were tken from parents who weren't providing the necessities. SOme of those kids lost their parents for whatever reason, death or  dissabbility....and they aren't ALL messed up to a point where adopting them, and loving them wouldn't be just what they need to make it in life. So what? Them "having baggage" if they do, is enough for people to NOT adopt them? Yet, these same people overlooking a lot of those kids that NEED loving homes, are the same ones usually who tell a woman what they THINK she should or should not do with her own pregnancy.

 

Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.

I do not take this issue lightly at all. I think the whole system is messed up. I would adopt, or at least run a foster home myself, if I was financially able to.

My mom's SO's SIL ran one for many years. She took in kids ages 7-18, and raised them as a part of her family. Sometimes 3 or 4 at a time....had her own kids too. And it was a wonderful thing. If MORE people did things like that...we wouldn't have so many issues with the backlog of children being forgotten about and neglected and abused in the care of the State.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting SDarvasi:

I;m not too sure, but it's fucking stupid. Too many people that can't adopt for stupid reasons that restrict them...but they can easily bring home a child from another country.

Boggles MY mind...which is another reason why i am pro-choice when it comes to abortion, because the last thing we need is hundreds of extra abandoned children every year that no one can adopt.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is it true that it is harder to adopt state side than it is to adopt from another country? Why is that!

Quoting SDarvasi:

I support pro-choice...but I am also all for adoption. There are far too many kids already HERE that need homes, and If I could afford it, I would adopt too!

 

Adopting older children from foster care, and domestic infant adoption are 2 totally different things.  

Children in foster care have ISSUES becuase their parents have issues - you can't just "love" them away - and "just enjoying" them while they are with you is totally uneducated (that was a PP not you).   You have to be prepared to deal with the baggage, yes, baggage, they are saddled with at very young ages.

"easily bring them home from another country" - last I heard the wait to adopt from China is 8, (yes, EIGHT) years.   And that's after background checks etc., not to mention travel - can you imagine a long flight with a child who just met you and doesn't speak the same language?

As for "hundreds of abandoned children"  people CAN adopt.   And, just because someone doesn't have an abortion doesn't mean they are going to abandon their child.   They may place them for adoption and they may successfully parent.   Some may also unsuccessfully parent and either abandon or have the state take them.

Sorry - I just think some of you are taking the whole issue too lightly.  

Those of you who say you would never consider adopting - I'm glad you recognize it, and hope you never do!

 

Actually, if you DON'T have the money to adopt internationally - you don't even go on the list.   No clue if celebrity makes a difference, but haven't seen many celebrities adopting internationally lately either.   All domestic.   And, all closed.  DUH.

As for baggage - survival is first.   Many times adoptive parents don't know about the extent of issues kids have been living with until the adoption is final.   Social workers don't always know either.    Neither do the foster parents.   RAD, ODD are real, and don't always rear their ugly heads until  true emotional security is available.

Babies and young children are seldom available for adoption through foster care - RU (rightly so) is the goal of foster care.  

How many times have you tried to adopt from "the system" any of those hundredes of abandoned babies.   Because I'm telling you - they aren't there.   What is there are broken, hurt, and yes, abandoned children who need healing.   And it takes time and effort.

and, I'm not telling ANYONE how to deal with their pregnancy - but YOU shouldn't b   telling people to take in children who may have issues they can't handle.

As for your MIL's SO's SIL - I'm sure she hasn't told you the whole unvarnished truth about some of the stuf she's seen.   Because it's important to keep that stuff private.   It's the kid's story to tell, not the FP's.

And, as far as being able to "afford" to FP - FPs get money to care for the kids, I mean really, isn't why they do it anyway, for they extra $$$$????????? So go for it .....

Sorry, Sunshine - your POV is one of the reasons kids are not getting the help they need.

To an extent, I agree. But my point of view is just that. A point of view. It is no way contributing to the downfall of society. I don't live in a big enough home to be able to provide for more than the kids I have right now. Maybe when they're older and we are more financially stable, sure.

And once again...I understand babies are the first to go. But there are plenty of children who have been waiting and waiting and waiting...and no one comes. Is it any wonder half of these kids have metal issues?? It's not all just from why they;re there in the first place. 

I'm not telling people that they HAVE to go and adopt. I'm just saying that if people are turning a blind eye to the children that are in need NOW...the children sitting around waiting for someone to love them...the forgotten ones.....why do those people feel the need to tell a woman she is wrong for having an abortion?? They always say "adoption is an option."...but not all babies get adopted. People are picky. And we all know this.

 

I know fostering children isn't a piece of cake. Yes, I'm sure there is plenty of shit she had to deal with through her years of fostering...but to this day, she says it was all worth it. She would never have decided NOT to do it. It is rewarding to know that she may have changed the lives of at least SOME of them, if not most. Isn't THAT worth enough?

People are so afraid to adopt a child that has been abandoned and abused, because it takes work?

Um...well, isn't that a little selfish then? Isn't the whole point of adopting, a chance to raise a child someone else decided not to? Why must the kids be new, and untainted by reality? 

If I had a bigger home and was able to, I would adopt. I would also have to speak with my SO about it too to make sure he was on the same page.

 

ALSO....I will have to correct you. I know plenty of women, especially in here...when debating against abortion, and asked why they don't adopt...they say "we've tried....many times...they just won't approve it"....so therefore, it ISN'T as easy as you think. Just because they "can't" it doesn't mean there aren't any babies available. If anything, there are hundreds of women who put their babies up for adoption around the world on a regular basis....but you can't just be some regular joe and expect to walk away with a brand new baby. It takes time for you to prove to them you are capable of being a proper caregiver....and then again, sometimes, it's the picky parents to be that want only specific looking kids. I bet you there are more minority infants and children waiting to be adopted than causcasion. Look at the statistics.

It's just reality. My POV doesn't drag it down any further than it already is. I wish things could be different. But unfortunatley....I can't change the entire Adoption Agency and FOster Care situation.  


Most of the kids in foster care are born to women who NEVER considered either abortion or adoption.  


The kids who are waiting and waiting - are waiting for a reason.   Usually, TPR (termination of parental rights), as I said earlier RU (reunification) is the primary goal of foster care.   Many kids are at home, in care, at home, in care, at home in care.   yeah - sorry issues.

As for adopting a child who is abandoned and abused - it's not just that is work , parenting in and of itself us work.   Adopting a child that has been abandoned, abused, or removed  is LOTS of extra work, on top of random  parenting.    How many grieving kids have YOU dealt with?

You don't have room or money to pay for another child?   Hope your birth control is 100%.     I'
m assuming you are a good mom, and I bet you wouldn't want to have to make the decision between abortion, parenting or adoption.

I wish I could continue this - but my Mom just called, and my kids will be home soon...I'll try to get back to you tomorrow.  I think that your heart is in the right place, as are most peoples.   But there is more to it than you think,


 

SDarvasi
by Sarah Berri ♥ on May. 9, 2012 at 2:02 PM

As of right now, I don't. And really, it's no one's concern what I would do if I got pregnant, really. I've already been faced with that decision. No one's business how I chose to handle it. 

I guess, at the same time, it's really none of my business what other people decide to do in regards to parenting either.

I just think it's a shame so many children are getting left behind, because people don't want to take the time to nurture whatever it is that is the "issue". And I'm not speaking about parents that already have kids of their own...but there are thousands of parents who complain about not being able to have children of their own but want them sooo bad. ANd there's two things that usually stop them. One, no babies available to adopt.... or "the types of kids" they want.......because whether you agree or not, people will always be picky and prefer a 'certain type' of kid they wish to raise. And more often than not, it's cute little kids with blue eys and blond hair or other associated features of the "perfect" child. Not to me...but in reality, those are the kids that usually go first.

You're right..my heart IS int he right place. It always has been. And I get what yiu're saying. There are MANY factors involved.....but it's just sad, that's all. Breaks my heart that kids get left behind because people are afraid of their "issues".


Have a great day! =)

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SDarvasi:


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SDarvasi:

I KNOW the difference, duh. But the fact is....although I know not EVERY mother who keeps her baby rather than abort them is going to "abandon" their child...a lot of the mothers who DON'T want to be mothers will opt for adoption. And not ALL of those babies will get adopted. And a lot of them end up in foster care. Therefore, just adding to the children already there, waiting for someone to care.

And not ALL of the kids in foster care come with "baggage". SOme of those kids were abandoned at a young age and don't know anything else other than the foster home. Some of those kids were tken from parents who weren't providing the necessities. SOme of those kids lost their parents for whatever reason, death or  dissabbility....and they aren't ALL messed up to a point where adopting them, and loving them wouldn't be just what they need to make it in life. So what? Them "having baggage" if they do, is enough for people to NOT adopt them? Yet, these same people overlooking a lot of those kids that NEED loving homes, are the same ones usually who tell a woman what they THINK she should or should not do with her own pregnancy.


Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.

I do not take this issue lightly at all. I think the whole system is messed up. I would adopt, or at least run a foster home myself, if I was financially able to.

My mom's SO's SIL ran one for many years. She took in kids ages 7-18, and raised them as a part of her family. Sometimes 3 or 4 at a time....had her own kids too. And it was a wonderful thing. If MORE people did things like that...we wouldn't have so many issues with the backlog of children being forgotten about and neglected and abused in the care of the State.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting SDarvasi:

I;m not too sure, but it's fucking stupid. Too many people that can't adopt for stupid reasons that restrict them...but they can easily bring home a child from another country.

Boggles MY mind...which is another reason why i am pro-choice when it comes to abortion, because the last thing we need is hundreds of extra abandoned children every year that no one can adopt.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is it true that it is harder to adopt state side than it is to adopt from another country? Why is that!

Quoting SDarvasi:

I support pro-choice...but I am also all for adoption. There are far too many kids already HERE that need homes, and If I could afford it, I would adopt too!


Adopting older children from foster care, and domestic infant adoption are 2 totally different things.  

Children in foster care have ISSUES becuase their parents have issues - you can't just "love" them away - and "just enjoying" them while they are with you is totally uneducated (that was a PP not you).   You have to be prepared to deal with the baggage, yes, baggage, they are saddled with at very young ages.

"easily bring them home from another country" - last I heard the wait to adopt from China is 8, (yes, EIGHT) years.   And that's after background checks etc., not to mention travel - can you imagine a long flight with a child who just met you and doesn't speak the same language?

As for "hundreds of abandoned children"  people CAN adopt.   And, just because someone doesn't have an abortion doesn't mean they are going to abandon their child.   They may place them for adoption and they may successfully parent.   Some may also unsuccessfully parent and either abandon or have the state take them.

Sorry - I just think some of you are taking the whole issue too lightly.  

Those of you who say you would never consider adopting - I'm glad you recognize it, and hope you never do!


Actually, if you DON'T have the money to adopt internationally - you don't even go on the list.   No clue if celebrity makes a difference, but haven't seen many celebrities adopting internationally lately either.   All domestic.   And, all closed.  DUH.

As for baggage - survival is first.   Many times adoptive parents don't know about the extent of issues kids have been living with until the adoption is final.   Social workers don't always know either.    Neither do the foster parents.   RAD, ODD are real, and don't always rear their ugly heads until  true emotional security is available.

Babies and young children are seldom available for adoption through foster care - RU (rightly so) is the goal of foster care.  

How many times have you tried to adopt from "the system" any of those hundredes of abandoned babies.   Because I'm telling you - they aren't there.   What is there are broken, hurt, and yes, abandoned children who need healing.   And it takes time and effort.

and, I'm not telling ANYONE how to deal with their pregnancy - but YOU shouldn't b   telling people to take in children who may have issues they can't handle.

As for your MIL's SO's SIL - I'm sure she hasn't told you the whole unvarnished truth about some of the stuf she's seen.   Because it's important to keep that stuff private.   It's the kid's story to tell, not the FP's.

And, as far as being able to "afford" to FP - FPs get money to care for the kids, I mean really, isn't why they do it anyway, for they extra $$$$????????? So go for it .....

Sorry, Sunshine - your POV is one of the reasons kids are not getting the help they need.

To an extent, I agree. But my point of view is just that. A point of view. It is no way contributing to the downfall of society. I don't live in a big enough home to be able to provide for more than the kids I have right now. Maybe when they're older and we are more financially stable, sure.

And once again...I understand babies are the first to go. But there are plenty of children who have been waiting and waiting and waiting...and no one comes. Is it any wonder half of these kids have metal issues?? It's not all just from why they;re there in the first place. 

I'm not telling people that they HAVE to go and adopt. I'm just saying that if people are turning a blind eye to the children that are in need NOW...the children sitting around waiting for someone to love them...the forgotten ones.....why do those people feel the need to tell a woman she is wrong for having an abortion?? They always say "adoption is an option."...but not all babies get adopted. People are picky. And we all know this.


I know fostering children isn't a piece of cake. Yes, I'm sure there is plenty of shit she had to deal with through her years of fostering...but to this day, she says it was all worth it. She would never have decided NOT to do it. It is rewarding to know that she may have changed the lives of at least SOME of them, if not most. Isn't THAT worth enough?

People are so afraid to adopt a child that has been abandoned and abused, because it takes work?

Um...well, isn't that a little selfish then? Isn't the whole point of adopting, a chance to raise a child someone else decided not to? Why must the kids be new, and untainted by reality? 

If I had a bigger home and was able to, I would adopt. I would also have to speak with my SO about it too to make sure he was on the same page.


ALSO....I will have to correct you. I know plenty of women, especially in here...when debating against abortion, and asked why they don't adopt...they say "we've tried....many times...they just won't approve it"....so therefore, it ISN'T as easy as you think. Just because they "can't" it doesn't mean there aren't any babies available. If anything, there are hundreds of women who put their babies up for adoption around the world on a regular basis....but you can't just be some regular joe and expect to walk away with a brand new baby. It takes time for you to prove to them you are capable of being a proper caregiver....and then again, sometimes, it's the picky parents to be that want only specific looking kids. I bet you there are more minority infants and children waiting to be adopted than causcasion. Look at the statistics.

It's just reality. My POV doesn't drag it down any further than it already is. I wish things could be different. But unfortunatley....I can't change the entire Adoption Agency and FOster Care situation.  


Most of the kids in foster care are born to women who NEVER considered either abortion or adoption.  


The kids who are waiting and waiting - are waiting for a reason.   Usually, TPR (termination of parental rights), as I said earlier RU (reunification) is the primary goal of foster care.   Many kids are at home, in care, at home, in care, at home in care.   yeah - sorry issues.

As for adopting a child who is abandoned and abused - it's not just that is work , parenting in and of itself us work.   Adopting a child that has been abandoned, abused, or removed  is LOTS of extra work, on top of random  parenting.    How many grieving kids have YOU dealt with?

You don't have room or money to pay for another child?   Hope your birth control is 100%.     I'
m assuming you are a good mom, and I bet you wouldn't want to have to make the decision between abortion, parenting or adoption.

I wish I could continue this - but my Mom just called, and my kids will be home soon...I'll try to get back to you tomorrow.  I think that your heart is in the right place, as are most peoples.   But there is more to it than you think,


 


mcginnisc
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2012 at 2:03 PM


Quoting SDarvasi:


Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.


Ummm... no... you know NOTHING about the IA process if you think that. It takes a long time, even for people with money. You have to deal with 4 layers of government rather than just 1. You have to abide by the laws of both countries and the US is VERY VERY strict with the paperwork for adopting overseas. It is MUCH more difficult to adopt Internationally. Trust me... BTDT. I'm an IA parent, so I KNOW the process. 

Please do some research before you spout information like it is fact. 

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Join theAdoptive Moms group

SDarvasi
by Sarah Berri ♥ on May. 9, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I get it. For the general pop, maybe. But you don't recall how QUICKLY Madonna, or Angelina and Brad got to adopt their kids??

It happens more than you know. You just don't see it because your experiences are different.


I'm involved in many things...it doesn't mean I know absolutely everything there is to know about each and every one of them. Even in the most scrutinized situations....money can buy your way to the top. It's a well known fact. If you don't know that by now....you're in denial.

Quoting mcginnisc:


Quoting SDarvasi:


Sure...maybe for some people, adopting from another country takes years. But anyone with money, or in the public eye, can do it quickly and easily. No questions asked.


Ummm... no... you know NOTHING about the IA process if you think that. It takes a long time, even for people with money. You have to deal with 4 layers of government rather than just 1. You have to abide by the laws of both countries and the US is VERY VERY strict with the paperwork for adopting overseas. It is MUCH more difficult to adopt Internationally. Trust me... BTDT. I'm an IA parent, so I KNOW the process. 

Please do some research before you spout information like it is fact. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 9, 2012 at 2:08 PM

I am dealing with infertility. People are very open with their opinions about my husband and myself just adopting and while I am open to it, I'm not ready to give up on experiencing pregnancy. If I don't conceive I think in a few years I might be able to accept that it is what it is and be more open to adoption.

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