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if you're a step daughter...

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:36 PM
  • 46 Replies
I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months now. He has his children every other weekend and I've been seeing them for 9 months now. I know because of the gap in between the times I get to see the kids it's going to take me longer to form a bond with them.

My boyfriend and the children's mother have been living apart for a little over a year now.

His son is very affectionate with me a nd we seem to be bonding already. His daughter not so much.

It's very important to me to have a healthy relationship with the children and their mother. We all get along well.

I'm having a hard time finding my place within the family. My boyfriend and I have decided to get married one day and also to move in together in the near future.

I want to make this transition easy and to make the children feel part of it.

His daughter won't let me cook for her or brush your hair or let me help her. Her mother says that I rule the roost and that I am not a short order cook.

I don't want to suck up to her but I don't want to make her uncomfortable in your own home either.

I guess I'm asking from a step daughters point of view, what should I do with her? How can I help her with this transition?

I how this post makes sense... I have hard time putting my thoughts into words, lol...

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by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 on May. 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM
2 moms liked this

by Anonymous 2 on May. 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM

by Silver Member on May. 9, 2012 at 2:39 PM
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:39 PM

How old is she,  it might just take longer for her to warm up to you.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:41 PM

It's family basics. I have been a step daughter so I remember those feelings quite well. Either she is being harder on you because you are another woman, or she isn't ready for a new parent yet. Before moving in together I would have you and your boyfriend sit down and talk to the kids. You may not be able to move in together as soon as you would like but in the long run you will be happier if both of the kids are accepting of the situation.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:41 PM
I have trouble with my step daughter as well. My stepsons love me. They are sd 14, and sss are 15 and 17.

I try to do special things with the sd such as shopping lunch dates etc. maybe you and the mother and the daughter could all do something together to kinda ease the tension ?
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:42 PM
I agree with previous posted age makes a difference. Also it takes time boys are just easier when you're female lol. I'd suggest finding out what she likes and doing something with her in a none pushy manner.
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:43 PM

 In my experience, you have to be nice to one on one things with her and play, but most importantly, don't accept her BS.  She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to respect you.  I wouldn't hang all over your bf in front of the kids (not saying you do), but make sure you spend quality time with her alone and as a family.  Little girls can be a little more difficult with this situation.  Make sure you are on the same page with her dad as far as your boundaries with his children.  Don't let her backtalk or treat you poorly or she will think she can walk all over you...and don't kiss up to her.  I don't mean to sound negative about your situation, but I've been on both sides.  Bottom line, she will respect you more if your the adult and a quasi friend.  I call it an authoritative friend..  Good luck.

by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Just give her time. With all three of you adults getting along, she'll come around.
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:44 PM

It is going to take time. You are going to have to be patient. I know I was a pain in my stepmom's ass but she worked very hard to make sure that she treated me and my brother exactly the same as she treated her own daughter (the 3 of us are within 5 years of each other's age). I love her now very much but it took a few years to get there. She was really there for me and is an amazing woman. I truly am blessed to have 2 wonderful mothers in my life. I was 11 when my dad and stepmom started dating if that helps.

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