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So I think DH is having an emotional fair. I think this is the root of my insecurities lately.

  • He talks to this girl more than he talks to me
  • He defends her all the time
  • He will call her on his lunch breaks but not me
  • He pretty much txts her all the time
  • I have found messages from him and her saying each other is sexy, and they should play strippoker
  • He tries to hide his conversations with her, clicking off the page, deleting messages etc.
  • He abuses me when I ask who he's texting/calling
  • He admitted ina drunken argument that he flirts with her.
  • He accused me of cheating (as if)
  • They are old school friends
  • She is a known cheater.

On the other hand she lives about 20hrs away. However the more he talks to her, the less sex we have, the less time he spends with baby etc. What are your opinions (and don't just say leave).I've tried talking with him already...

by on May. 11, 2012 at 1:36 AM
Replies (31-36):
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:23 AM
He does it because he wants 2 & ur asking about the bitch. If that's the case if YOU gone ask about her u might as well invite the chick over 4 dinner. Smh. You'll learn. I'd put my fiancรฉ out if he'd did that.

He knows better. U better act like a sista (black girl) & get in his ass lol, let em know it's either my way or pack ya shit & get the fuck out!
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:34 AM
2 moms liked this

Wow, so many reasons to leave this controlling guy.  You created this list for us but is the list really for your mind to accept that he's not good for you and that you need to leave him? You don't have to convince us, it's yourself that needs to understand.  I am saying this out of similar experience. 

Yes, it's wrong what he's doing and he clearly is deliberate in what he does. He is using this other girl and this emotional affair to mess with your mind.  What you described almost described my past husband.  He was constantly talking about and to this girl, hiding photos of her on his computer and though both were married, both were flirting with each other.  The way he talked about her was like describing a saint. He put her up on pedestal and she got him to believe that she could do no wrong. She was supposedly "very Christian and could tell no lie." Yeah right! LOL! It was an innocent friendship they said. So, do married people normally send photos of themselves in a bikini to other people's husbands? Nope.

The two of them will try to talk themselves out of any guilt in the process of trying to convince you that you're "too jealous." Last time I checked, sending flirty pics and messages is considered cheating. No matter what you do, you cannot change this twisted relationship these people have.  Trust me, I went on for years believing it would work out, even after he had a "revelation" and wanted to work things out with me when I left him.  Even if he promised not to contact her, trust me, they will get in touch again somehow. He will hide the messages and pics somewhere else.

Why would you put up with any of this??? Imagine if you were giving advice about this problem to a friend? Would you want to see your friend get hurt even more? You're NOT that desperate! All the time spent on heartache and worrying could have been time spent with a new person who treats you right. 
Accept that your husband has changed and it's very difficult to get anyone to change to be how you wish they'd be.

By staying with him, you're not teaching him anything.  He believes he can have someone to sleep with and someone to flirt with. I would play aloof and see it for how it is at face value. I'd say to myself, "He's obsessed with her and wants to be with her. Well, he can have her. I deserve someone who wants to be with me 100%." If he tries to come back or work it out, stand firm. He must learn that his actions are inexcuseable and sometimes, it's too late. YOU are the one that decides what you will accept. 

Think of all the times you've been through something difficult. You made it through somehow and you'll do it again. You are resilient. You are strong. You won't accept crap. Eff him! Kick him to the curb! You're gonna go out, have fun being single again and find someone who treats you better.  Trust me, there are better people there. Find your soulmate!  I have done it and so can you. Would you want your baby to grow up thinking this was normal? Hell no!

You have one life to live... make sure it's THE life you want to live... Fill it with good people and happiness.

by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting JadedFaerie:

I hate to tell you this but it doesn't get better. If you stay it will get worse and you will feel worse about yourself and yes it will effect your parenting. He has more respect for for a friend and not someone who truly cares about him. Even though I don't do the bible thing that is infidelity on his part. There is better men out there. If I was there with you I would be picking you and going over to have a little chat with this woman. Even though he would take her side in the end. I am sorry but you do deserve better and there is better. Better look, better provider, better everything. I know because I found it and I never knew life could be this good. I hate to tell you this but if she was closer she would be taking all of his money as well. Money that is needed for your family. My exes friend did it all the time. With excuses like she needed it more so our family would go without. He would grope her right in front of me and she would tell me how do you like that. The more he gets away with the worse it becomes. Eventually the emotional abuse will turn physical. Think about if he doesn't care about you emotional well being what will happen when it does come to that. It took the physical for me to leave. It almost cost me my life. And his friend went all over the internet spreading lies about me to protect him. I hope that you can talk to him and let him know but it sounds like it is going to be in one ear and out the other. I was always accused of cheating even though he tracked my every move it got worse in the end. The state got involved because of the abuse and when it got so bad I couldn't take it I left with nothing but the clothes on my back that were stained because the threw a glass of soda at me. I had to borrow money from my mother to get an id and rode the greyhound bus back home. Please keep this in mind this is how it all starts. The girl that he dated after I left him said the same thing about this girl she contacted me for help and he got abusive with her over it. She was smart and left him and is super happy now. There is better out there.
by Anonymous 3 on May. 11, 2012 at 2:58 AM

Why. Do you not want to leave him over this? Because honestly I don't see what other advice to give you. You already know he's doing it. He hasn't apologized or even cared that you know...What else is left to do?

by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:12 AM

I just don't want to throw a marriage away if it could change.

by imjenndoe on May. 11, 2012 at 9:42 AM

 I was being sarcastic since you stated not to say just leave when that is the obvious thing for you to do.

Quoting JadedFaerie:

Quoting Anonymous:

 Why do you think so little of yourself to think that you should accept being treated like this??  Find yourself someone of the oppisite sex to have a texting affair with and let him see how it feels.

I'm not really the vengeful type, unless something happens to my child.


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