Need advice, may be long, I apologize in advance & hope someone still reads it anyway
My SIL & I have always had a....tough relationship. We have never been BFF's but we attempted to be friends. I admit that I may not have always made it easy for her, as I am usually a pretty shy person & its hard for me to open up to people, whereas she is an open book pretty much. I also felt like we did not have anything in common aside from the fact that we married in to the family.
Moreover, I felt like she turned everything in to a competition- from our weight, to our clothing choices, to how smart our kids are, to their talents, to how we decorated our homes, to how we choose to live in terms of SAHM vs WM, to what kinds of cars we drove & everything in between. I never felt like I was good enough in her eyes. I am not totally sure why I cared so much but it really hurt my feelings to constantly feel like I was under a microscope & have to compete with her.
So I kept her at arm's length until Thanksgiving 2011. My DH, my child, & I went to DH's parents home. She was there with her DH & their two kids. And she almost immediately started in on me- when was I going to get pregnant because I needed to give my DH a bio child of his own & I was selfish if I did not (he is not my oldest childs bio father, I am expecting his child now though.), to the fact that she had lost 3 lbs & wanted to know if I had lost any weight, to how her business was really doing well (I was genuinely happy for her for that) & that I should really look in to getting a job because its a waste to stay home with my kid. I could ignore all that....until she started in about my DD. She mentioned that she wanted to put her DD in to modeling & that it was too bad that my DD was not pretty enough for that. Seriously, who the fuck says that?! A few other comments about my DD were thrown in there & I just lost it. I blew up at her, called her some colorful names, & told her that she was not welcome around me or my kid(s) ever.
Now, my DH has supported my choice, but it has come at the expense of him not seeing his brother. It has been HIS choice, I have NEVER made him choose between his brother & I. But I have been feeling a fair amount of guilt over this. I have considered just sucking it up & apologizing, although I feel that this is mostly her fault (I do realize I have blame in it too). At the same time though I have been hesitante to do so for several reasons, including that I do not think she would be open to it, that she would somehow use it against me.
I saw on my DH's BF that she messaged him the other day asking him to bring my DD to her home for a BBQ because her DD has been asking to see mine. Add to that the fact that my DH & his brother have not seen each other since Thanksgiving (we only live about 2 hours away from each other), & now I am feeling like something needs to be done. We are damn near 30 years old for crying out loud, this should not even be an issue. I have problems with confrontation & I do not like dealing with these kinds of things.
So, if you made it this far, would you care to offer some advice? What would you do? Thanks.