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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Need advice, may be long, I apologize in advance & hope someone still reads it anyway

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

My SIL & I have always had a....tough relationship. We have never been BFF's but we attempted to be friends. I admit that I may not have always made it easy for her, as I am usually a pretty shy person & its hard for me to open up to people, whereas she is an open book pretty much. I also felt like we did not have anything in common aside from the fact that we married in to the family.

Moreover, I felt like she turned everything in to a competition- from our weight, to our clothing choices, to how smart our kids are, to their talents, to how we decorated our homes, to how we choose to live in terms of SAHM vs WM, to what kinds of cars we drove & everything in between. I never felt like I was good enough in her eyes. I am not totally sure why I cared so much but it really hurt my feelings to constantly feel like I was under a microscope & have to compete with her.

So I kept her at arm's length until Thanksgiving 2011. My DH, my child, & I went to DH's parents home. She was there with her DH & their two kids. And she almost immediately started in on me- when was I going to get pregnant because I needed to give my DH a bio child of his own & I was selfish if I did not (he is not my oldest childs bio father, I am expecting his child now though.), to the fact that she had lost 3 lbs & wanted to know if I had lost any weight, to how her business was really doing well (I was genuinely happy for her for that) & that I should really look in to getting a job because its a waste to stay home with my kid. I could ignore all that....until she started in about my DD. She mentioned that she wanted to put her DD in to modeling & that it was too bad that my DD was not pretty enough for that. Seriously, who the fuck says that?! A few other comments about my DD were thrown in there & I just lost it. I blew up at her, called her some colorful names, & told her that she was not welcome around me or my kid(s) ever.

Now, my DH has supported my choice, but it has come at the expense of him not seeing his brother. It has been HIS choice, I have NEVER made him choose between his brother & I. But I have been feeling a fair amount of guilt over this. I have considered just sucking it up & apologizing, although I feel that this is mostly her fault (I do realize I have blame in it too). At the same time though I have been hesitante to do so for several reasons, including that I do not think she would be open to it, that she would somehow use it against me.

I saw on my DH's BF that she messaged him the other day asking him to bring my DD to her home for a BBQ because her DD has been asking to see mine. Add to that the fact that my DH & his brother have not seen each other since Thanksgiving (we only live about 2 hours away from each other), & now I am feeling like something needs to be done. We are damn near 30 years old for crying out loud, this should not even be an issue. I have problems with confrontation & I do not like dealing with these kinds of things.

So, if you made it this far, would you care to offer some advice? What would you do? Thanks.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 12, 2012 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
newmami10
by on May. 12, 2012 at 10:38 AM
Bump
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brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on May. 12, 2012 at 10:39 AM

 I am a forgiving person and would go.. If the subject was even brought up I would apologise for my part and be honest in telling her you felt she was to competitive. I would ask if the two of you could have one more chance at things. maybe she didn't realise she was acting that way and she just might change her ways... you were not in the wrong for being frustrated but maybe things could have been hashed out in a different manner. good luck with whatever YOU choose :)




 

lovemyairman150
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2012 at 10:40 AM
Call her on the phone. Speak to her and explain why you got upset. Tell her you felt that her comments were inappropriate and won't be tolerated, BUT, that you're all family and you would like to try to move past the incident and see if she feels the same or not. then maybe you could ALL go.
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MommyAddie
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2012 at 10:42 AM
I would take this as a chance to put this all in the past and talk to her about it.
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Mommytomuffin
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2012 at 10:43 AM

 Honestly if that were to happen to me I would have done the same thing you did. Nobody will ever put my family down and not have reprocussions for it. Yes calling her names may have not been the hottest idea but she needs to apologize to you 1st in my opinion. She shouldn't have said any of those things and I am glad your husband stood by your side through it. Talk to him and see what he thinks about it

rigosgurl
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2012 at 10:43 AM
She sounds like a bitch. She should'nt have said anything about ur dd. She should apologize not you.
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MommaSmith678
by on May. 12, 2012 at 10:43 AM
Hmmm that is tough, I am not sure I would want someone like her around my kids either. If you do decide to start seeing them again I would be cautious and have boundaries around the relationship to avoid her having the ability to pull that crap again.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 12, 2012 at 10:47 AM

He supports whatever I decide. He says he understands why I was so upset. I know she will never apologize first, which is one of the reasons why I sorta feel like I should, at least for the sake of the brothers. IDK, I am just at a total loss over here. Thank you for your reply.

Quoting Mommytomuffin:

 Honestly if that were to happen to me I would have done the same thing you did. Nobody will ever put my family down and not have reprocussions for it. Yes calling her names may have not been the hottest idea but she needs to apologize to you 1st in my opinion. She shouldn't have said any of those things and I am glad your husband stood by your side through it. Talk to him and see what he thinks about it


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 12, 2012 at 10:48 AM

I agree, but I seriously doubt that she would. She just is not like that. It actually makes me a bit sad, our husbands suffer & our kids suffer.

Quoting rigosgurl:

She sounds like a bitch. She should'nt have said anything about ur dd. She should apologize not you.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 12, 2012 at 10:49 AM

 i can be pretty forgiving and would go too. Like a pp said. They are family whether you enjoy them all the time or not. And if you really dont want to go, i would let DH take your DD and see how it goes. Maybe she has come to her senses!

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