My parents divorced when i was 4. My bio dad was verbally and physically abusive. My mom remarried when i was 6. Little did i know, her new husband, (lets call him D) was a methhead. He was perfect until they married. Then he became abusive. They were both using and had their own "lab" in tge garage and in an old semi of my grandfathers. My little brother and i usually had food, and always shelter. But shelter only kept us safe from the elements. We were left to fend for ourselves. Our mom was so brainwashed by this bastard that we never got time with her. Then the fights began. I was always blamed. D would beat my mom and me then leave. She would blame me for his leaving. My little brother was basically left out of it because he was "a little man" as D put it. Throughout the years, we were shot at by a shotgun, beat, watched our mom be beat, and left helpless. Finally, when i was 12, she left him. I thought it was finally over. My mom then became an alcoholic, from the depression. Blamed me for all her problems. I became suicidal. I tried to kill.myself ao many times, only to fail. I eventually started to love the pain from cutting, and did it several times a day. It was something i could control, and it felt good. Then i started drinking and got addicted to pain pills. Anything to dull the hurt. When i was 15 (5 months from 16) i became sexually active and had sex with about 8 guys in 3 years. I wanted so badly to have a baby. Someone to love me unconditionally. Thankfully, i never got pregnant. I left as soon as i turned 18. I met the man I'm with now, and we have a 19mo old son and Im 6weeks pregnant with #2. I stopped cutting (mostly) by age 17. Stopped pills at 19. Stopped drinking when i became pregnant in January 2010. My son is my world. I still love my mom. She's the only person that has ever been there for me, she just also happens to be someone who hurts me the most. My little brother has been in and out of jail/juvenile hall since he was 11. I, myself, managed to avoid the law my whole life. My brother has been in jail since my son was a few months old. He has seen him 3 times. My mom is still an alcoholic. I know she can't be helped until she wants it, and i have removed myself and my son until she gets clean. Then she hides it or slows down and i think Shes getting better and then its back where it started. Two weeks ago, i found out we are expecting again. I told her. She was happy. Ever since then, all she can do is be shitty and tell me Im a bitch. Okay. So i watch every tone and word and any detail and Im not being a bitch and all she can do is get worse calling me a bitch. Today, Mothers Day, we go out to Chinese with my son, everythings great. She has been drinking and has a drink at the restaurant. We go.to walmart because we both need groceries. I also needed a new bra. I find one, almost immediately and my son gets fussy while i try it on and he all asleep on her. I come out and take him, everything is fine. I take the bra to a price checker because they didn't have it marked and when.i turn to come back she storms off. I followed her, carrying my 19 mo old and pushing my cart, she turns a corner and throws her cell phone and her purse. I asked "what the hell is your problem?!" and she started screaming that i am being shitty! WTF ?!? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! So i left my cart, bra, diapers, and all, and went back to the truck(ford explorer). 10 minutes later she texts asking where i am and i told her i was waiting in the truck, and that i.would get groceries later. She insists that she will just walk home. Its her suv! I drove because she was drinking. So she starts walking down the road and texts back that shes calling a cab. Then gets shitty because i haven't found her yet. I find her and she screams BS at me the whole way home. I left as soon as we got to her house. I can't handle this shit anymore! I just need my mom!