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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

She pissed my of so bad, is she really that blind?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 64 Replies
1 mom liked this

My sister and I have never really been close, but its  been getting better the past few months. She lives 6 hours away but we normally talk everyday on FB. I sent her a mothers day card and she never called or anything to wish me a happy Mothers day. It really didnt bother me. But then I kind of had a break down when she messaged me on fb, just bc of everything thats going on. I have severe depression, and absolutely NO ONE to help with the kids. Usually My Gma helps me outwhen she can but shes been on vacation. So everythings been 10xs worse. I told my sister yesterday how I cant do this by myself anymore and I dont even know howto deal with everything, completely alone. She was like what are you talking about? What are you doing alone? There is no breakdowns when you have kids, how can you feel like that? Your kids should make you happy every single day, and they shouldbe your reason not to be depressed. 

I dont get how she can say that, seeing as she has her in laws, my mom, her DF, my brother. And I have no one up here except my Grandparents who hhavebeen on vacation for a few months, and wont be home for 3 more weeks. She has 1 child whom is healthy. I have 2 children one with special needs. I dont understand how she can just say my life should be happy, perfect and zippity dooo daaaa. I dont know, now I feel like all the progress we made in the last few months is gone. I am back to resenting her, and not wanting to make it work. 

Im not going to go into detail why we didnt get along for so long, bc I dontwant anyone to judge that situation now. I want opinions/advice on how to deal with this specific situation. Just keep an open mind in knowing shes reallly hurt me in the past.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 14, 2012 at 1:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nicsone
by on May. 14, 2012 at 1:22 PM

Because she is looking at it through her perspective and not yours. It makes all the difference in the world.

tazdvl
by Silver Member on May. 14, 2012 at 1:24 PM
3 moms liked this

 She has never been in your shoes so she doesn't know how it is, this is no reason for things to go back to the way they were. Are you getting your depression treated? If not then do it. Make some friends, family aren't the only ones that can help you out.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 14, 2012 at 1:28 PM
2 moms liked this

I think she just doesn't understand, given that she has access to more help than you do. Just don't take offense because she doesn't get it. If she ever has to be in your position she might finally understand. And to help you out, you should try looking at life in more of a positive way. Instead of dreading not having any help and being alone, look at it like you are a stronger person because you are doing it alone, and one day your children will have you to thank for being the only person there for them! You have beautiful children to look forward to every day. That's everyone else's loss! 

Good luck with everything, and try to get yourself some therapy if at all possible! 

NDADanceMom
by on May. 14, 2012 at 1:39 PM
3 moms liked this

Honestly this is why I would never be friends with someone with a mental illness.  You expect her to base her opinions on the framework of your illness.  You have depression.  Its the reason you arent out socializing and finding friends.  You will come up with a huge list of why your life sucks but really when it comes down to it the reason your life sucks is because your depression doesnt allow you to change things.   SHe has a great life.  She has that life because of choices she has made.  Your life sucks because of choices you made.  You will blame other things but those of us that arent ill can take all of your problems and solve them or list ways they wouldnt have been in that situation.  

 I know your expectation is that she has unlimited sympathy and comes to help you but frankly mentally ill people are bottomless pits of need.  If she did everything you want today, next week it wont be enough.  NOTHING she does or says will make your life better.  She will be involved in your endless cycle of need.  She needs to live her life, be positive and not be responsible for your feelings. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 14, 2012 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I never ONCE said my life sucked.EVER.My life is FAR from "sucking". For the most part I am happy, with who I am and my life, just sometimes I get overwhelmed, and instead of itbeingjust overwhelming in triggers my depression.I am very shocked at your reply, and honestly find you heartless. I was not asking her to "come help" of course she can not come help, she has her own family to take care of.  Her choices have been just the same if not poorer than I am, we just handled them differently.

I would much rather have my life than her life just for the fact I couldnt live with guilt she lives with, and for many other reasons. I do love my life, but sometimes just like you, and everyone else I get overwhelmed, but for me its harder to get that feeling to end,and takes more effort from us than someone without a mental illness.


Quoting NDADanceMom:

Honestly this is why I would never be friends with someone with a mental illness.  You expect her to base her opinions on the framework of your illness.  You have depression.  Its the reason you arent out socializing and finding friends.  You will come up with a huge list of why your life sucks but really when it comes down to it the reason your life sucks is because your depression doesnt allow you to change things.   SHe has a great life.  She has that life because of choices she has made.  Your life sucks because of choices you made.  You will blame other things but those of us that arent ill can take all of your problems and solve them or list ways they wouldnt have been in that situation.  

 I know your expectation is that she has unlimited sympathy and comes to help you but frankly mentally ill people are bottomless pits of need.  If she did everything you want today, next week it wont be enough.  NOTHING she does or says will make your life better.  She will be involved in your endless cycle of need.  She needs to live her life, be positive and not be responsible for your feelings. 


kittenmom001
by on May. 14, 2012 at 1:50 PM
You shouldn't get so upset over what she said. She is just trying to say life is hard but you have two children who love you unconditionally and that should help you through everyday.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 14, 2012 at 1:52 PM


Quoting tazdvl:

 She has never been in your shoes so she doesn't know how it is, this is no reason for things to go back to the way they were. Are you getting your depression treated? If not then do it. Make some friends, family aren't the only ones that can help you out.

I am going to the Dr tomorrow for it. I have wonderful friends, but none that can understand. I dont know. I guess its called empathy, even though you dont know what its like, you put yourself in someones shoes to try to see what its like, and try to bethere the best you can. I didnt expect her to say "ohh you poooor thing, im sorry your life sucks" but a simple. Dude, you can do this, dont give up now. I dunno thats how I handle itwhen people vent to me about a rough time they may be going through. 

Just like if a married friend called me andsaid "Man, my husband his being an asshole and Im thinking about leaving, but I have no where to go ect ect ect"Idbe like wow Im sorry youre going through this, I cant imagine, but just hang in there, if you needsomeone to talk to ect ect ect" 

Not just a "oh not my problem see ya" and be mean and critical about it.

brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on May. 14, 2012 at 1:55 PM

 i agree 100%!

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Honestly this is why I would never be friends with someone with a mental illness.  You expect her to base her opinions on the framework of your illness.  You have depression.  Its the reason you arent out socializing and finding friends.  You will come up with a huge list of why your life sucks but really when it comes down to it the reason your life sucks is because your depression doesnt allow you to change things.   SHe has a great life.  She has that life because of choices she has made.  Your life sucks because of choices you made.  You will blame other things but those of us that arent ill can take all of your problems and solve them or list ways they wouldnt have been in that situation.  

 I know your expectation is that she has unlimited sympathy and comes to help you but frankly mentally ill people are bottomless pits of need.  If she did everything you want today, next week it wont be enough.  NOTHING she does or says will make your life better.  She will be involved in your endless cycle of need.  She needs to live her life, be positive and not be responsible for your feelings. 

 




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 14, 2012 at 2:02 PM
There are no breakdowns when you kids. You might be depressed or suicidal or whatever but you don't get to sit around whining about it. When I hit a low point I write out what I'm feeling and then I destroy the paper. I don't have time to sit around feeling sorry for myself and I'm certainly not going to ask people for pity. I put on my brave face and get on with life.
tazdvl
by Silver Member on May. 14, 2012 at 2:06 PM

 Really? I am depressed but would never think of myself as a bottomless pit of need. I have never asked for sympathy, heck, the only one who knows is my husband.

 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Honestly this is why I would never be friends with someone with a mental illness.  You expect her to base her opinions on the framework of your illness.  You have depression.  Its the reason you arent out socializing and finding friends.  You will come up with a huge list of why your life sucks but really when it comes down to it the reason your life sucks is because your depression doesnt allow you to change things.   SHe has a great life.  She has that life because of choices she has made.  Your life sucks because of choices you made.  You will blame other things but those of us that arent ill can take all of your problems and solve them or list ways they wouldnt have been in that situation.  

 I know your expectation is that she has unlimited sympathy and comes to help you but frankly mentally ill people are bottomless pits of need.  If she did everything you want today, next week it wont be enough.  NOTHING she does or says will make your life better.  She will be involved in your endless cycle of need.  She needs to live her life, be positive and not be responsible for your feelings. 

 

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