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My son wants to come home after 6 months *update*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 41 Replies

My son called me yesterday for Mother's Day and says he wants to come home now. He is 16 years old.

Back story: About 6 months ago when he still lived with me he fought me to go to school nearly every morning. He would come and go as he wanted although I wouldn't allow it. I had to call the police on him 4 times in 2 months for skipping school or just being worried about where he was at. The last morning he lived with me it got physical and he slammed me into the wall and left bruises all over my arms where he was slinging me around. He then took off and I couldn't find him. That day I pulled him out of school, packed his essentials, then took him to live with my dad and step-mother. Before anyone asks, his dad is deceased so that is why he is not in his life.

I was frustrated. I have 2 other younger children to take care of that didn't need to be around all of that and I was at my wits end. I had tried everything from counseling to spending extra time with him, everything! The only option I thought I had was tough love.

He nearly had me in tears last night and he says he wants to come home. He said that he didn't have anywhere to stay one night and he had to spend the night in a 24 hour coffee shop because he couldn't get in touch with anyone to pick him up. I can't believe my parents were this irresponsible, but I should have known better. They were the same way when I was younger, but I thought they had changed with their older age.

You can offer opinions if you want, but I just needed to get this out. I am wondering if 6 months has been long enough for him to really change his mind and think about his behavior, but at the same time I want him home because if my parents are being the same way they were with me, then he doesn't need to be there. Yes, he is 16, but if everything he says is true then he is not getting the love and attention he needs. I really think it is time he comes home. He never said anything before about what it was like living with my parents until yesterday.

My son called me this morning because he knew I had off today. We had a very long talk about a lot of things. We were on the phone with each other for about 3 hours. He had an old prepaid phone that I went online and added minutes to so we could talk without interruption, just a mother to son talk.

He admitted he knows that most of the things he did was wrong especially the way he treated me. He says he knows I was doing the best I could at the time and he is sorry for that. We talked about him possibly getting his GED and going to a trade school. We talked about how things would be if he came back here to live with me. I promised him he could do things with friends and stuff if he proved he could be trusted to come home when he was supposed to and not disappear on me. He knows that if he ever tries to touch me again that he will go directly to jail and to bootcamp for ungovernable teens.

My 2 younger children will be leaving to go with my exhusband at the beginning of next week and we agreed that he would come here then while they other kids are away so we could really talk and get to the bottom of things and to sort of try things out and see how they go.

We talked about a lot more, but that is a lot to post.


Posted by Anonymous on May. 14, 2012 at 5:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
glynch
by Silver Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:39 PM
I would set up grounds rules from the start including what will happen if he breaks one. Including on going counseling Good luck on what ever you decide to do.
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JerseyAirGurl
by *Ada* on May. 14, 2012 at 5:41 PM
Quoting glynch:

I would set up grounds rules from the start including what will happen if he breaks one. Including on going counseling Good luck on what ever you decide to do.


This is good advice. Def have ground rules and the consquences when he breaks them. He is asking to come back home and he has to earn your trust back. Hope it all works out.
lovinmama411
by on May. 14, 2012 at 5:43 PM

He is probably trying to beef up the situation to make things look better on his side. Have you spoke with your dad or stepmom about it? You can't really expect them to be able to turn things around. You had a hard time with him, he wasn't going to go to them and suddenly everything be okay. I would talk to them, see what happened before I made a decision about whether or not he comes home. If he is homeless and sleeping in a coffeeshop, was it because of a decision he made? I'll answer that, most likely. 

Lostinindy
by Platinum Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Why didnt he call you instead of sitting alone in a coffee shop? I wouldn't let him come home just because he begs. You need to sit down and talk things out. Have a plan in place and consequences if he doesn't follow through. It's going to be a tough road. Good luck.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 14, 2012 at 5:46 PM

He will definitely have ground rules, which is what I told him. This was actually his last option before boot camp for being an ungovernable teen, which from what I understand, is a great program. Since summer is starting I think we will have a trial run and see how things go. I want him home and I miss him, but my other children shouldn't have to be subjected to his behavior if he continues that way.

Quoting JerseyAirGurl:

Quoting glynch:

I would set up grounds rules from the start including what will happen if he breaks one. Including on going counseling Good luck on what ever you decide to do.


This is good advice. Def have ground rules and the consquences when he breaks them. He is asking to come back home and he has to earn your trust back. Hope it all works out.


SassyLeigh
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:47 PM
I would take him back under some stict rules. Which first would be counseling for his anger issues (throwing you into a wall). Curfew and helping out around the house! I would also plan a family night where ALL of you get involved! Whether it be a movie, games, local park or something that you all can do together!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 14, 2012 at 5:48 PM

Because I live 2 hours away. I still would have found a way to get him.

Quoting Lostinindy:

Why didnt he call you instead of sitting alone in a coffee shop? I wouldn't let him come home just because he begs. You need to sit down and talk things out. Have a plan in place and consequences if he doesn't follow through. It's going to be a tough road. Good luck.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 14, 2012 at 5:50 PM

Because my parents thought he was staying at my brothers house and my brother thought he was staying at a friends house.

I believe him because they would do the same thing to me when I was young. There were many times I had to find a place to crash because they would not come get me or because they turned their phone off.

Quoting lovinmama411:

He is probably trying to beef up the situation to make things look better on his side. Have you spoke with your dad or stepmom about it? You can't really expect them to be able to turn things around. You had a hard time with him, he wasn't going to go to them and suddenly everything be okay. I would talk to them, see what happened before I made a decision about whether or not he comes home. If he is homeless and sleeping in a coffeeshop, was it because of a decision he made? I'll answer that, most likely. 


LucyHarper
by on May. 14, 2012 at 5:52 PM

He needs help and theraphy, not to be sent away to people who aren't taking care of him. Let him come home.

nautired
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Do they turn off their phone at a certain time like a curfew? I know my grandmother's rule is she locks you out at midnight if you are not in by then figure it out.

Quoting Anonymous:

Because my parents thought he was staying at my brothers house and my brother thought he was staying at a friends house.

I believe him because they would do the same thing to me when I was young. There were many times I had to find a place to crash because they would not come get me or because they turned their phone off.

Quoting lovinmama411:

He is probably trying to beef up the situation to make things look better on his side. Have you spoke with your dad or stepmom about it? You can't really expect them to be able to turn things around. You had a hard time with him, he wasn't going to go to them and suddenly everything be okay. I would talk to them, see what happened before I made a decision about whether or not he comes home. If he is homeless and sleeping in a coffeeshop, was it because of a decision he made? I'll answer that, most likely. 


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