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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Ugh.... I don't know where to start, it's about the simplest things. 

She somehow got a bruise yesterday, I don't know how. I didn't realize it's was a bruise at first, it's pink, I thought it was a sunburn but now the overall patch of it makes me think bruise??? We live in CO so on occasion just walking to and from buildings or talking with a neighbor we get a tan or a burn (we're that white so I'm pretty anal about sunscreen). We're in the process of moving so she could have tripped on the stairs, slipped on wet floors, anything from playing with the little boys in our neighborhood to just falling, she's pretty much a boy in her activity level so it's not odd that she has a small bruise or two...  I just usually know where they are from and they aren't on her face or this big (about 2 inches)... So I asked her how she got the bruise and she said she fell at Disneyland. 

We haven't been to Disneyland so I asked again how she got the boo boo on her face and she said, "Daddy." 

Before anyone bashes my husband, he WAS NOT around yesterday when she ended up getting the spot. He was at work. 

I asked her again and told her I would not be mad, I just needed to know the truth, she said she didn't know. Okay, I can handle that as an answer. Maybe she really knows but I can't tell because she is lying about little things. 

This morning it was sunflower butter, she was eating it from the jar, I asked what she was eating and she said nothing- that she was just drinking water. The smell was obvious though and the jar was unscrewed. 

How do I deal with this? PLEASE HELP! I have no idea how to guide her in this. 

by on May. 17, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Replies (21-26):
Amy_M
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2012 at 3:38 PM

When she lies call her on it.  Let her know that lieing is not acceptable.  Good luck..all kids go through this phase.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 17, 2012 at 3:54 PM

i do think lying is a punishable offense... but it depends on when it just started.

DS got in trouble for lying to me... but after his punishment, i realized- same age as your DD- he had NO IDEA what a lie was, and why it was bad. so we went through little trial things... if i say the sky is purple- is that the truth, or a lie... if i say i brushed my teeth and i really didnt- is that the truth or a lie... if i say i went to the bathroom and washed my hands and i DID- did i tell the truth, or did i lie?...

so step 1: find out if she knows what a lie is and what the truth is.

step 2: i'd still question what he was doing even if i knew the answer. if he lies to me, i'd ask him to look at what he's doing/think about what he did and tell me the truth- remind him what the truth and what a lie was... then the punishment would be for LYING- not for whatever he did wrong (depending on what it is- if its extreme, he still got punished for it).. and he'd know that he's in time out for lying, not b/c he didnt listen, put away his toys, etc..

step 3: question EVERYTHING. and i mean everything. if she says she did something, ask if she's sure and then go check. if she says she brushed her teeth, check. if she went to the bathroom and washed her hands- check. if she went to go ask daddy if she could have ice cream adn she says he said yea- check. basically- be her shadow and explain that you HAVE to do it b/c she lied. it means that you cannot trust what she says, what she's doing b/c she lied to you. for my son, it made him feel bad and he hasnt lied since about 2 months after it started. right now, he's omitting the truth though (leaving things out)- and we gotta ahve a conversation about that this weekend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 17, 2012 at 3:58 PM
I've not met a 4 year old that DIDN'T lie. Totally age appropriate behavior.
lincolnlady
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Oh I've got a good one. When my dd was 4 she was getting in my dh nightstand. She had pulled out a long ace bandage and started wrapping it all over her. Well my dh was asleep when she was doing this. He woke up from hearing her shuffling around and saw that she had the ace bandage wrapped around her neck. So he started pulling it off her. Of course she tried to get away and run off with it. So in the process it gave her a little rug burn on her neck. When she went to preschool the next day and the teachers asked her what happened she told them daddy hit her with a broom. I have no idea where she game up with that story, we don't even spank. Luckily the teacher knew us well enough to not believe her. Ay ay ay I tell ya these kids.
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becca1986
by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Must be the age my 4 yr old lies a lot too!
Greekmama21
by on May. 17, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Thank you so much, this is amazing advice, I will be doing this with her. 

Quoting Anonymous:

i do think lying is a punishable offense... but it depends on when it just started.

DS got in trouble for lying to me... but after his punishment, i realized- same age as your DD- he had NO IDEA what a lie was, and why it was bad. so we went through little trial things... if i say the sky is purple- is that the truth, or a lie... if i say i brushed my teeth and i really didnt- is that the truth or a lie... if i say i went to the bathroom and washed my hands and i DID- did i tell the truth, or did i lie?...

so step 1: find out if she knows what a lie is and what the truth is.

step 2: i'd still question what he was doing even if i knew the answer. if he lies to me, i'd ask him to look at what he's doing/think about what he did and tell me the truth- remind him what the truth and what a lie was... then the punishment would be for LYING- not for whatever he did wrong (depending on what it is- if its extreme, he still got punished for it).. and he'd know that he's in time out for lying, not b/c he didnt listen, put away his toys, etc..

step 3: question EVERYTHING. and i mean everything. if she says she did something, ask if she's sure and then go check. if she says she brushed her teeth, check. if she went to the bathroom and washed her hands- check. if she went to go ask daddy if she could have ice cream adn she says he said yea- check. basically- be her shadow and explain that you HAVE to do it b/c she lied. it means that you cannot trust what she says, what she's doing b/c she lied to you. for my son, it made him feel bad and he hasnt lied since about 2 months after it started. right now, he's omitting the truth though (leaving things out)- and we gotta ahve a conversation about that this weekend.


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