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Question about custody. please help!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My ds will be two in july. His bio dad has not seen him once this year, asked about him, nothing. I'm married to someone else and ds sees him as his dad. He's been around since he was about six months old. He calls him dad, and has absolutely no idea who his bio dad is. So bio dad texted me today and said, have ds ready because I'm going to pick him up Saturday. I told him hell no, that he hasn't seen ds in almost seven months ( didn't see him november or december either) and even when he did see ds he would see him for like twenty mins. So, I told him I'm not going to make ds freak out and be scared because you all of a sudden think you can just step up. He has no idea where I live so, idk if he's even serious. I told him I would call the police. Thing is, when I got child support last year we have a paper through cs, not a court order or anything, that states bio dad is supposed to have him every other weekend. But he hasn't even gone by thoes papers. I will not let him take ds. Ds will freak out. He doesn't do good with people he doesn't know. So what should I do!? No bashing please.. and sorry if its confusing. I'm a little upset
Posted by Anonymous on May. 17, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
areyouatroll
by on May. 17, 2012 at 2:34 PM
You don't have to let him go. even if there was a visitation order you would just get contempt (if he even filed) and nothing happens with that anyway. you need to go to the courthouse and they will help you file or tell you what to do. You need to figure it out, with or without a lawyer. File for legal aid.


Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 17, 2012 at 2:37 PM

You need to file for sole custody, and keep record of all the times bio dad has seen ds. And he can be held in contempt for not following the agreement for seeing him every other weekend. Just don't let him take him without the court order. Becaus he could keep him and you'd have to go to court to get him back! Not even the cops will get him back without the custody papers.. .and even then, they might make you fight in court... went through this a couple times. 

10yrsapart9505
by on May. 17, 2012 at 2:39 PM

This....

Quoting hip2it:

If you don't hand him over you are technically violating a court order, but I wouldn't send my kid off with a stranger either, and if he's missed seven months of visits, for a 2 year old, that's a complete stranger.

Will he work with you?  Say, come make so many visits supervised with him (in your home, meet at a park, whatever) so LO can get reaquainted, and then he can take him?

I hope you wrote down dates for all the visits he missed.  Get an attorney and petition to have visitation changed based on his missed visits.


mantyangel
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2012 at 2:39 PM

Don't hand him over.  If he insists on visitation take him to court.  He will be able to see his son, but they will most likely make him start with supervised visitation to ease your son into a schedule.  If he is willing to cooperate, you can ease your son into a schedule without court involvement.  He is the dad though and if he wants to see his son you will have to let him.

momma4vr
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2012 at 2:39 PM

dont let him. i would go down and file with the courts that you want to have it in writing now. get a court order.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 17, 2012 at 2:42 PM

No, we never went to court, at all. Just the child support place, which in my state is just an office, and a case worker figures out how much the other parent has to pay. I just will die if I have to let ds go with a complete stranger. It will kill me, he will be scared to death and I cant imagine putting him through that.. I have no idea what to do right now. I tried to google stuff for my state but it didnt really help me.

Quoting Lachrymose:

?  I'm confused about the visitation.. there is no court ordered visitation?  At all?

Also, I know it's heated right now.. and you are only thinking with your heart.. but think of your son and the future.  If you go to jail, you are messing up a lot right now and potentially more in the future.  People don't care what you went to jail for.. it could affect your job, custody of your son, etc. 

To get full custody, you need an attorney from what I understand.  That's what DH did.  You could see if someone will help pay for your lawyer/court fees or see if someone will do it pro bono (which is RARE).  Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?



sweetiepye2004
by on May. 17, 2012 at 2:42 PM

My ex did the same exact thing, but it had been over two years since my son last saw him.  I wouldn't even speak with him, he knew my answer. I'm so tired of the double standards.  You have a visitation agreement set up, then one parent doesn't follow it going months without seeing the child, but when they suddenly decide they do want some visiting time the other parent is just supposed to hand them over??? That's such bull in my eyes.  I told my ex, "If you want to see my son, take me to court"

I'm not going to traumatize my child just to appease his sperm donor.  If he were to take me to court, I would deal with the repercussions then. 

Lachrymose
by on May. 17, 2012 at 2:47 PM

Oh.. well.. hmm.. don't quote me on this.. lol.. but I'm thinking that you might not have to let him go after all.. crossing my fingers for you!!

Quoting Anonymous:

No, we never went to court, at all. Just the child support place, which in my state is just an office, and a case worker figures out how much the other parent has to pay. I just will die if I have to let ds go with a complete stranger. It will kill me, he will be scared to death and I cant imagine putting him through that.. I have no idea what to do right now. I tried to google stuff for my state but it didnt really help me.

Quoting Lachrymose:

?  I'm confused about the visitation.. there is no court ordered visitation?  At all?

Also, I know it's heated right now.. and you are only thinking with your heart.. but think of your son and the future.  If you go to jail, you are messing up a lot right now and potentially more in the future.  People don't care what you went to jail for.. it could affect your job, custody of your son, etc. 

To get full custody, you need an attorney from what I understand.  That's what DH did.  You could see if someone will help pay for your lawyer/court fees or see if someone will do it pro bono (which is RARE).  Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?




elleinady
by on May. 17, 2012 at 2:50 PM

If you have a court order stating that he can have him every weekend, he can have you arrested and charged with custodial interference.

If you don't want him picked up you need to file an ex parte emergency motion to modify visitation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 17, 2012 at 2:51 PM
Thanks, I'm just about to call the place we get child support from and see if they can give me advice on what to do.

Quoting Lachrymose:

Oh.. well.. hmm.. don't quote me on this.. lol.. but I'm thinking that you might not have to let him go after all.. crossing my fingers for you!!

Quoting Anonymous:

No, we never went to court, at all. Just the child support place, which in my state is just an office, and a case worker figures out how much the other parent has to pay. I just will die if I have to let ds go with a complete stranger. It will kill me, he will be scared to death and I cant imagine putting him through that.. I have no idea what to do right now. I tried to google stuff for my state but it didnt really help me.

Quoting Lachrymose:

?  I'm confused about the visitation.. there is no court ordered visitation?  At all?

Also, I know it's heated right now.. and you are only thinking with your heart.. but think of your son and the future.  If you go to jail, you are messing up a lot right now and potentially more in the future.  People don't care what you went to jail for.. it could affect your job, custody of your son, etc. 

To get full custody, you need an attorney from what I understand.  That's what DH did.  You could see if someone will help pay for your lawyer/court fees or see if someone will do it pro bono (which is RARE).  Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?




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