Question about custody. please help!

[Anonymous]

My ds will be two in july. His bio dad has not seen him once this year, asked about him, nothing. I'm married to someone else and ds sees him as his dad. He's been around since he was about six months old. He calls him dad, and has absolutely no idea who his bio dad is. So bio dad texted me today and said, have ds ready because I'm going to pick him up Saturday. I told him hell no, that he hasn't seen ds in almost seven months ( didn't see him november or december either) and even when he did see ds he would see him for like twenty mins. So, I told him I'm not going to make ds freak out and be scared because you all of a sudden think you can just step up. He has no idea where I live so, idk if he's even serious. I told him I would call the police. Thing is, when I got child support last year we have a paper through cs, not a court order or anything, that states bio dad is supposed to have him every other weekend. But he hasn't even gone by thoes papers. I will not let him take ds. Ds will freak out. He doesn't do good with people he doesn't know. So what should I do!? No bashing please.. and sorry if its confusing. I'm a little upset

[elleinady]

Quoting Trae36:

I'm confused, since when does CS enforcement dictate visitation? I've never heard of that before. You can only go to jail for violating a court order which you say you don't have therefore, don't let him go. If he truly wants to step up and have that time with ds then let him pay to get a lawyer and take you court. I would play defense on this and not offense. Chances are he doesn't have the money for a custody battle.

It's probably just a piece of paper stating "EOW" for the purpose of the child support calculation only.

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer and don't let him take him!

[Trae36]

Quoting elleinady:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

You have full custody. Your ex has visitation. You would essentially need to BEGIN a visitation schedule and file it with the court. You do not need an attorney to do this. You merely ask for the papers at the courthouse and fill them out, then pay the filing fees.

I have a 2yo and my attorney told me to not proceed with custody to let the ex file if he wants to and then go from there. Her reason for this is because right now I have all the power to say when my dd can and can't go but you lose that power once a judge rules.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is a coury order. Just bc you didn't go through the court doesn't mean shit. The atty general custody/visitations orders are the same as if you'd went to family court. They are signed by a judge.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

[elleinady]

Quoting Trae36:

Quoting elleinady:

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

You have full custody. Your ex has visitation. You would essentially need to BEGIN a visitation schedule and file it with the court. You do not need an attorney to do this. You merely ask for the papers at the courthouse and fill them out, then pay the filing fees.

I have a 2yo and my attorney told me to not proceed with custody to let the ex file if he wants to and then go from there. Her reason for this is because right now I have all the power to say when my dd can and can't go but you lose that power once a judge rules.

Yep. Which is what I told her. Let the ex file the motion. He can pay for all that shit -- if he really wants the visitation, he would have taken it. Now he can earn it.

[elleinady]

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes it is a coury order. Just bc you didn't go through the court doesn't mean shit. The atty general custody/visitations orders are the same as if you'd went to family court. They are signed by a judge.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

No they're not. Not in this state.

[Buggy979]

This is true

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

custody and child support are not the same issues in the eyes of the courts, if your custody agreement states he gets visitation and you deny him access then you are in violation of a court order.

[Anonymous]

When I went to the AG for cs, they gave us custody orders as well. They are legal court documents bc they were sent to the judge and signed.

Quoting elleinady:

Quoting Trae36:

I'm confused, since when does CS enforcement dictate visitation? I've never heard of that before. You can only go to jail for violating a court order which you say you don't have therefore, don't let him go. If he truly wants to step up and have that time with ds then let him pay to get a lawyer and take you court. I would play defense on this and not offense. Chances are he doesn't have the money for a custody battle.

It's probably just a piece of paper stating "EOW" for the purpose of the child support calculation only.

[elleinady]

Quoting Anonymous:

When I went to the AG for cs, they gave us custody orders as well. They are legal court documents bc they were sent to the judge and signed.

Quoting elleinady:

Quoting Trae36:

I'm confused, since when does CS enforcement dictate visitation? I've never heard of that before. You can only go to jail for violating a court order which you say you don't have therefore, don't let him go. If he truly wants to step up and have that time with ds then let him pay to get a lawyer and take you court. I would play defense on this and not offense. Chances are he doesn't have the money for a custody battle.

It's probably just a piece of paper stating "EOW" for the purpose of the child support calculation only.

You do realize that each state operates differently, yes?

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

tx

Quoting elleinady:

Quoting Anonymous:

No, we never went to court, at all. Just the child support place, which in my state is just an office, and a case worker figures out how much the other parent has to pay. I just will die if I have to let ds go with a complete stranger. It will kill me, he will be scared to death and I cant imagine putting him through that.. I have no idea what to do right now. I tried to google stuff for my state but it didnt really help me.

Quoting Lachrymose:

?  I'm confused about the visitation.. there is no court ordered visitation?  At all?

Also, I know it's heated right now.. and you are only thinking with your heart.. but think of your son and the future.  If you go to jail, you are messing up a lot right now and potentially more in the future.  People don't care what you went to jail for.. it could affect your job, custody of your son, etc. 

To get full custody, you need an attorney from what I understand.  That's what DH did.  You could see if someone will help pay for your lawyer/court fees or see if someone will do it pro bono (which is RARE).  Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

Its not a court order. When we got child support they said we can either follorw what's in the papers or make our own schedule. I will go to jail if it comes down to my son. I will not let him go with a stranger. We can not afford a lawyer or an attorney. So that's out of the question. Who would I call to get full custody? Or to attempt to get full custody?

What state are you in? I have a gradual visitation schedule that we adhered to from birth to 6 months.