I just needed to come on here and vent for a minute.
Tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary. We're separated right now, but we're in counseling and trying to work things out. Some days I feel like I'm falling back in love with him and other days I feel like I wish I would have just gotten the divorce. He's trying really hard to show me that he wants me back and he's willing to change, but after so many years of hating him I'm having such a hard time letting it go. We have 3 kids together.
Our oldest son is 7 and he's a genius. He's also a very loving, caring, kind-hearted person, but lately he has become an entitled, spoiled BRAT. What's crazy is that we're poor and he's never been given all of the newest, nicest things. He knows that his dad works hard for the little money we have and that it goes to paying for the things we need to live, but yet he has the nerve to get all snotty with me anytime I won't buy him what he wants when he wants it. I've never given into one of his hissy fits, but he still throws them daily!!
Our daughter is 5. She makes my life a living hell on a daily basis. I love her more than anything in this world, but she is a terror. She wakes up with a scowl on her face and when I smile and say "good morning, angel" she growls at me and kicks the wall. I try SO very hard to be a good, loving mom to her, but she hates life and isn't afraid to show it. She finds something she hates about anything and everything. I almost don't remember what her smile looks like because all I ever see is a horrible scowl on her face. If I ask her what's wrong, she doesn't know. She just screams at me to leave her alone. Last night I laid down in her bed with her and cuddled up to her and I said "Do you know how much I love you? I love you all the way to the moon and back." and I smiled at her...she then spit at me and told me she doesn't love me and never will.
Our youngest son is 2 1/2. He just cries 24/7. There's really not much else I can say about him because that's all he does. If he's not sleeping, he's crying. There's no reason for it either. Trust me, I've brought him to the doctor on several occasions and begged for them to tell me why he cries non stop, but they tell me that he's perfectly healthy and they send me on my way. He talks fine and can have a full conversation with you, so I'll ask him why he's crying, but his responses don't make any sense. Just a few minutes ago I asked him and he said "I don't want it!!" and I asked "You don't want what?" and he just repeated himself over and over again "I don't want it!! I don't want it!!".
I'm a SAHM and I have dedicated the last 7 1/2 years of my life to raising these kids and trying to be the best mom and wife I could possibly be, but I feel like my life is in shambles. The kids fight with each other like they are mortal enemies. They refuse to play together. Every day, I wake up with a smile on my face determined that it's going to be the day that I have a happy family with no yelling, screaming, crying fits and every single day I go to bed crying wondering where I've gone wrong. Why is all of this happening and why can I not just have a happy, loving family? I'm sure some of you are probably thinking that there must be something I'm doing that I'm not telling you that is making them all act this way, but I swear there's not. I'll answer any question you ask. I'm just at my wits end and I don't know what else to do.