I cant divorce my husband...because Im scared he would get custody
Part of me feels like I cant do this anymore. First of all, I am bi-polar. I did not ask to be. It amazes me some of you would not "be friends" with someone with a mental illness. It does create an obstacle, but I am on medication and in therapy every month. I doubt myself, I feel hopless. I wish I could be normal so it would be easier for my husband to love me. There have been times where I have desperation crying spells and I hate that my DD (5) witnesses it. I pray to be normal every day so that I can be a good mom and wife. My husband cant take it anymore. He says he loves me but every action proves different. Right now Im the only one working and its hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings. But I do. Right now I have a bad ear infection and I just found out last night my grandmother (that raised me) passed away. Im crying as I write this. We moved away from my family to be with DH family, so I know no one up here but husband, and he has not hugged me or said one sympathetic thing. My grandmother died yesterday at 4pm, I drove to my hometown (2 hours away) and stayed till around 3 am. My boss was very understanding and told me not to come in today, but when my husband woke up and saw I was still at home he yelled and told me to pull it together. His mean aggressive behavior makes me clingy and I probably say "Do you love me? "Are you going to leave me?" at least 6 times a day. I am at fault because of my illness (but I do everything i can). He is so hateful, that it makes everything worse. But If I filed, I feel like he would get full custody because of all the times he could bring up a depressed/irrational episode. I don't think I could handle being bashed. I don't know anyone near me for support. I feel alone, Im so fragile. I feel like I need anyone to understand or comfort to help me right now. Tell me what to do? I know I have put him through a lot. Sometimes I feel like DH and DD would be better without me, but its would tear me apart. I try so hard to be stable and be a great mom and wife. Please give me support. Any kind words. I don't get them any place else and I am having a hard time right now.