My Story of Child Abuse and Survival...........*update*update#2 last one*
Hi mommy's this morning I woke with the feeling I needed to tell my story, to show how I survived, and how strong I am because of it. I am not looking for pity or anything I just feel like if I share this it can inspire and help someone who may need it. I want to show that no matter how many bad hands your dealt in life you can over come it. This will probably be long. I will not be posting this anon so you all know this is 100% true and not a troll.
First I must start with my mother and father so you can understand that I am vary lucky to be here to begin with. They met in high school and my mother fell in love even if my father had no clue. My mother pursued my father till he basically gave in and they started dating. During this time my mother got pregnant and her mother (my grandma) made her get an abortion. They later got married and my father went into the army. My mother got pregnant and had me at 19 years old. I'm guessing around a year later my mother got pregnant for the third time and aborted this baby because she was about to go into the air force. (I know all this because my mother shared it with me.) When I was 4 years old my mother got pregnant and had my little brother.
When you hear people talk about their first memories as a child most start around 3 or 4 years old but I start at 6 years old. This is when I was in my first car accident. From what I was told our mini van had been run off the road by a truck driver and rolled down the steep incline till it stopped were the ground leveled off. We were on a long road trip and this happened at night so me and my brother were sleeping on the floor along with my father. The driver of our van was Jennifer (I will tell you about her later) and my mother at this time was stationed overseas. As the van rolled my father was thrown out the back window, and my brother out the side window along with me.
My first memories is waking up face down with dirt in my mouth. As I lifted myself from the ground spitting out the dirt, shivering/shaking I realised I was outside in the cold dark night and someone was screaming. I turned myself so I was sitting facing the screaming seeing it was Jennifer strapped in her seat as the van lay on it's side. Jennifer was flailing in her seat as I watched my father run to her to help her out of the van. Seconds later I heard my brother crying not far from me laying in a sticker bush. I must have passed out for a few minutes because next thing I remember is we were all sitting on a blanket in front of the van waiting for an ambulance and cops. Me, my brother, and father walked away with no serious injuries.(Thanks to us all being asleep) Jennifer had no injuries at all thanks to her seat belt. The injuries I did have were a busted lip, scrapes, bruises, small cuts, my lower back got hurt (don't remember exactly what it was but I think pulled muscles), and concussion due to the large rock that stopped me as I flew through the air. To this day I have a headache almost every second of the day that varies in degree of pain. Doctor's have told me it's just a product of this accident and truly most of the time it's barely noticeable.
Not long after this my mother and father divorced. My father kept me and my brother as my mom was going to be stationed overseas for some time and she felt it best for us to stay in the states. Jennifer then became my fathers girl friend. She was young probably a good 5 years younger then my dad and had no idea how to handle a 8 year old and 4 year old who just "in our eyes" lost our mother. She would be verbally abusive calling us all kinds of mean things and when she felt it necessary to discipline us she used a shoe. One of my fathers large shoes and her blows were not limited to our butts. My father at this time also became more aggressive with his discipline. If we did something wrong we were getting our butts beat with a belt or hand. Time outs were never an option and if we got grounded we got our butts beat first. My father also started slapping me and my brother in the face for anything small that we did wrong. I remember always getting a good slap for not wearing my glasses. Before long I guess my father got tired of Jennifer and just before he kicked her to the curb he moved in Laura.
Laura was sweet, kind and not long after my father moved her in he married her. Things were going well until I went to visit my mother overseas. She had met Duncan a fellow air force servicemen and gotten married to him. During our visit over the summer one night when me and Duncan had stayed up watching a movie it happened. My mother and brother were fast asleep up stairs, I was laying on my tummy propped up on my elbows watching the movie, and Duncan sat on the couch. As I was watching Duncan moved from the couch to sit next to me on the floor. I looked back at him smiled, he smiled back, and I went back to the movie not thinking anything strange about it. A few minutes later he was suddenly on top of me rubbing against my butt. I froze watching the movie, didn't move a muscle, didn't know what to think, and as soon as he was done he just sat back down on the couch like nothing had happened. I didn't look back at him and as soon as the movie ended I said good night and went strait to bed. A couple days later I broke down and told my mom what had happened. She confronted Duncan with me and he acted appalled, ran to the bathroom and proceeded to get sick. He then came out assuring my mother their was no way he would do any such thing and I must have just had a bad dream. I know lame but she believed him and they both convinced me of the same thing before I left to go back to my fathers. Being 8 years old it was easy enough to convince me so I never told my father when I returned home.
I will continue this in updates as my son is up and I will be busy for a couple hours. Well I was told on a post just to edit and add to the main post so I will. Here you go......
Once I was back home my father moved us and moved in Lisa. Lisa had 2 sons Justen and James. They were about the same ages as me and my brother so it was nice to have kids to play with. At this time my father was just helping Lisa (who he met at work he was no longer army) and her kids out. In March Laura had my little half sister just a couple months before I turned 10 years old. She got pregnant right away and had my half brother the fallowing year in April on the same day as my brothers birthday. At this time all the adults worked and only Lisa worked during the day. During the nights I took care of the babies and after school while my father and Laura slept I watched over everyone and made after school snacks. It was hard, I didn't get a lot of sleep but I loved taking care of the babies. My father continued to get worse with his discipline. On my first call home from school (for something minor don't really remember why just know it wasn't anything really bad) my father sat me on the edge of the couch and proceeded to slap my head/face back and forth between his hands hard enough to give me a black eye. Then spun me around and beat my butt with his belt. Next day at school I was pulled into the counselor office and they asked me what happened. I told the truth because up to this point any time I lied it got me slapped in the face. CPS was called and investigated my father who was then made to take anger management classes. He went to them so the case was closed and after this my father only slapped me as to leave no lasting marks for proof.
On my next visit to my mother I told her what had happened and she asked if I wanted to live with her and Duncan now that they were back in the states. I told her yes having no fear of Duncan because of how they had both convinced me that what he had done never happened. My mother filed for joint custody of me and my brother so we could freely chose who we wanted to be with since my brother was determined to stay with my father. She was granted the joint custody and I moved in with my mother and Duncan on base. Soon after moving in it happened again. I had stayed up late in the living room and passed out on the couch. I started to wake because I felt this pressure on top of my chest and then it hit me that a parson was laying on me. I opened my eyes just enough to see who it was without them knowing I was awake and their was Duncan. My heart sank and I was terrified. He was rubbing up and down on me. I laid their until he was done and once he got off I rolled over curling into a ball. He left the living room and went back upstairs to bed with my mother. Once he had been gone a good 30 min I went up to my room closed the door and cried. It went on like that over the next year. Every couple of nights he would come to my room and do things. It got worse over time and at one time I was awake and he would still do things.
After I started my first period just before I turned 12 years old the emotional toll had been so bad I had what I call now a "mental break down" at school. I was sitting in class and just started crying and when the teachers asked me what was wrong I cried even harder. I wouldn't/couldn't talk it was hard to breath I was crying so hard.They sent me to the counselor office and she asked me if something really bad was going on. I nodded yes and she asked if I could tell her on paper since I was still crying really hard. I wrote down what was going on and slid the note pad back to her she read it and said "do you understand what you are saying happened?" I nodded yes and was allowed to stay their till school was over. I went home and maybe 2 hours later these men came to the door asking to talk to my mom. They asked that I be moved to another location so they could read Duncan his rights and remove him with out me having to see.(This is all on an Air Force base in case you are wondering why it happened this way) I was sent to my friends house across the street and after they took Duncan my mother got me to go to a interview with a case worker. On the car ride my mother asked me what was going on so I told her. She got really upset and asked me why I didn't just tell her. I lost it started crying and told her "because you didn't believe me" after that we just stayed quite for the rest of the car ride.
Taking another brake sorry but that was hard to get out all write more later today. Thank you all for reading I hope it helps someone.
*Update last one*
Duncan got sent to jail for 5 years and I moved back with my dad.
I am not going to continue seeing as so many read my life story a good 6 or 7 month ago and don't want me to post again. I have moved past this but I like to share to help others plus it feels good to get it out. To anyone that wanted to know more I'm sorry but I don't want to be bashed for trying to help others not feel alone. I am happily married and have a DS who is 3 years old. I do still struggle with depression and anxiety brought on due to my past but am not taking meds. I handle it all on my own even through the bad days. Hope you are all doing well, have moved past the hurt and let it make you a stronger person.