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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Edit* How do I get my 4 year old to accept kids of other races?

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*Thank you for all your responses. A lot of you had some good advice that I will be taking.*


Where we are from is predominately white. We don't have any friends or family members of different cultures or races. It's not that we have anything against them, we just haven't lived in a community where we were presented with opportunities to make acquaintes with any. Until now. We recently moved to a neighboring town where there are quite a few different races.
I never thought that it would be an issue. But at her kindergarten screening there was an Indian boy and the teacher wanted all the kids to hold each others hands and DD refused to hold this boys hand. Usually she is very friendly with all the other kids. When I asked her later why she wouldn't hold his hand she said "because he's funny looking and brown."
I'm not sure how to go about explaining to her that we don't treat people that way. No one. If they are brown, black, yellow, or green for that matter.
Any suggestions on how to bring this conversation to a kindergarten level?
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by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:30 PM
Replies (31-40):
AdellesMom
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:50 PM
I did answer you. Why are you so interested in what I'm doing with my life?

As for your last paragraph, I haven't even alluded to that thought.
Quoting purpleducky:

Close enough. I didn't know which level your degree was in since you never answered me. What do you plan on doing? Going for more schooling? Where did ya go to school?

And you can't honestly think that the "prejudices" of a baby magically disappear with no intervention.

Quoting AdellesMom:

Yes, it is. You said something about a study where babies were involved. That study had nothing to do with four and five year olds, and their (possible) prejudices.



No, I wasn't a "Psychology Major." I have a Masters in Psychology.




Quoting purpleducky:

No not apples and oranges. It is the same thing. Children really aren't colorblind like we try to pretend they are. By trying to force them to see everyone the same we actually encourage them to be prejudice. We need to teach our children (society in general) to accept everyone for their individual differences. 

And the OP's daughter was being a typical 4 year old who is seeing someone different for the first time. She thought he was funny looking. She was noticing a difference probably for the first time and didn't know how to react. So she did like a typical child and reacted negatively. You were a psychology major, you should know this.

Quoting AdellesMom:

Apples and oranges. The OPs child is prejudiced. A baby can't be prejudiced.





Quoting purpleducky:

Actually a study done a few years ago (and summarized in Time if I remember correctly) shows that babies actually favor individuals who are of the same skin color as them.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.







Talk to her.

OP - I have no clue, sorry. My oldest was the same way (despite me teaching him otherwise) until one day he learned first hand what discrimination is like. Now he loves everyone.



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Christine0813
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:50 PM

What part didn't you understand?

In simplest form, a child doesn't have to be taught to notice someone is different from them. Also, when they do notice someone is different, it doesn't make that child prejudice. I was also giving an example of my mixed my family and child. I was being sarcastic with the center of united nations.

Quoting AdellesMom:

Huh? English please.

Quoting Christine0813:

I don't believe that for one minute. Kids do know what is different from them, to otherwise is ridiculous.

My family is center for united nations, and one my kids freaked the hell out with my BIL. Now she is all about her uncle.

OP, I would google to see if there are sites and books to help you. Her not wanting to hold that boys' hand, doesn't mean she is showing prejudice.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.



Talk to her.



areyouatroll
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Just talk to her about it. Take her to the mall and people watch. Ask her to point out their differences and what's unique about them.
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Nicole.Brown
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Smfh
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ihave1
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2012 at 10:51 PM
My dd 21months loves all kinds of ppl, she isnt shy. She esp. loves people with her & her papa's skin tone. I always thought it was b/c she misses him.

Quoting purpleducky:

Actually a study done a few years ago (and summarized in Time if I remember correctly) shows that babies actually favor individuals who are of the same skin color as them.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.



Talk to her.

OP - I have no clue, sorry. My oldest was the same way (despite me teaching him otherwise) until one day he learned first hand what discrimination is like. Now he loves everyone.

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AdellesMom
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:52 PM
It wasn't a matter of "understanding," it was the words--or the lack of--that you used.
Quoting Christine0813:

What part didn't you understand?

In simplest form, a child doesn't have to be taught to notice someone is different from them. Also, when they do notice someone is different, it doesn't make that child prejudice. I was also giving an example of my mixed my family and child. I was being sarcastic with the center of untied nations.

Quoting AdellesMom:

Huh? English please.



Quoting Christine0813:

I don't believe that for one minute. Kids do know what is different from them, to otherwise is ridiculous.

My family is center for united nations, and one my kids freaked the hell out with my BIL. Now she is all about her uncle.

OP, I would google to see if there are sites and books to help you. Her not wanting to hold that boys' hand, doesn't mean she is showing prejudice.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.





Talk to her.



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JAIRATRACI
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:53 PM
One of my son Liam's favorite people is his uncle Johnny who is black. He has been Liam's favorite since he could show a preference.

Quoting purpleducky:

Actually a study done a few years ago (and summarized in Time if I remember correctly) shows that babies actually favor individuals who are of the same skin color as them.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.



Talk to her.

OP - I have no clue, sorry. My oldest was the same way (despite me teaching him otherwise) until one day he learned first hand what discrimination is like. Now he loves everyone.

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weirdkids
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2012 at 10:53 PM
2 moms liked this
That's not always true. I grew up in a predominatly white town. The first time I ever saw a black guy I was 4. I asked very loudly why he was so dirty and that he should take a bath. I didn't know he came that way because I was never taught that there were other races. I was not taught hate. My grandmother had to explain it to me publically because I was making a scene. The guy was cool ablout it. He showed me his palm and compaired it to mine and said " see underneath we are the same" ill never forget that.


Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.



Talk to her.

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AdellesMom
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:54 PM
Way to concoct a story...

Quoting Anonymous:

Bullshit, my daughter was bullied by 3 black girls at school since she was in Kindergarten.  She is in 4th grade and still avoids black people to this day.  They did it to themselves do not blame me for something they did!


Quoting AdellesMom:

Really? Again, those aren't things that kids notice at that age. Race is a social construct. Children tend to be colorblind until they learn differently. If your four year old is afraid of dark skinned people, it's something that she learned at home.



Quoting Anonymous:

My 4 year old is afraid of dark skinned people. no one has ever said anything negative about them to her, she just fears what is different. I worry about it too though.


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Night_Roane
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2012 at 10:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this. My DD cried whenever she saw a mustache when she was younger... no reason, really, as she had never been around people with mustaches.

But she's almost four now, and when I ask why she did something, she usually picks an odd reason that doesn't really pertain to it. Like I'll ask why she picked someone's potted flower (a real problem with her) and she'll answer something like "Because... the sky has lots of clouds" because she can't really give me a reason. I'm not sure that your DD was really giving a reason that she didn't want to hold his hand, or if she was just stating something about him that she thought of when you mentioned him. However, if that was why she wouldn't hold his hand, I would suggest a playdate, so that they can get to know eachother more. I wouldn't force it on them, or try to make it exclusive - maybe meet up at the park or something - just to offer her more exposure and to let her see that he likes the same kind of things that she likes - ice cream, swings, etc.

Quoting Christine0813:

I don't believe that for one minute. Kids do know what is different from them, to otherwise is ridiculous.

My family is center for united nations, and one my kids freaked the hell out with my BIL. Now she is all about her uncle.

OP, I would google to see if there are sites and books to help you. Her not wanting to hold that boys' hand, doesn't mean she is showing prejudice.

Quoting AdellesMom:

She's in Kindergarten. The only way she can have any kind of prejudice is if she learned it from her parents. Those aren't things kids notice at that age.

Talk to her.



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